Karen Rose - Have You Seen Her?

Lucas came and joked about Casey and Jenna setting up permanent residence in the hospital, which the nurses had not found amusing. Casey had apparently been a less than ideal patient.

But Charlie was the one to truly break the tension, walking boldly into the hushed waiting room, a baseball cap in her hand. "Some people have attractive bald heads, Aunt Jenna," she'd said. "You are not one of them." And she slapped the cap on Jenna's head with a great flourish.

Helen had arrived with the boys about an hour before, Nicky giving her a hug that nearly broke her ribs, reminding her that she and Steven were no closer to resolution. They'd been through fire, saved each other's lives, but had no closure on the very basic issue of "them." Still she'd held Nicky, laughing in all the right places when he told her about a rhino from Ohio who yodeled in the Alps.

Steven was the one person she hadn't seen that morning, her last look at him being from the back of the ambulance at about three a.m. He'd looked scared, as if he still couldn't believe it was over and she was safe. He'd gone into SBI headquarters, insisting he follow the arrest of Josh and his mother to the end and Jenna supposed that's where he still was.

She wasn't sure what she'd say when she saw him. Thank you , seemed inadequate. I love you , would be true, but awkward considering where they'd left things. She'd start with I've missed you and Hold me .

Then, as if conjured from her thoughts, she heard his voice behind her. "Jenna."

She turned, conscious of everyone watching her. She stared at him, at his face that was bruised from Josh's fists, at the marks around his neck from Josh's strangling hands. At the look in his beautiful brown eyes that seemed to say everything that was racing through her mind.

Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. I've missed you. Please hold me.

She wasn't sure who moved first, just that she was in his arms and he was holding her, finally. Then he was kissing her, there in the hospital waiting room with all their friends and family looking on.

Jenna rested her forehead against his chin. "I was going to say I've missed you and ask you to hold me," she murmured. "But you already are."

He kissed her forehead. "Back at the barn you said you had things to say to me," he whispered.

Thank you, I'm sorry, I love you . The words sang through her mind. "I do, but I was hoping for a place a little more private to say them," she whispered back, now very aware of the curious eyes behind them. "How about some coffee?"

"I was going to suggest Rocky Road."

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go."

They were sitting in the Volvo, parked in front of the convenience store, and Jenna was just finishing the Rocky Road. She'd hung back, saying she didn't want to be seen in public, and his stomach clenched. Despite the bruises and the cuts and the shorn head she was still beautiful and now, as he sat next to her, he desperately wished he had the words to make her believe that.

"Jenna, I don't know where to start."

"Thank you," she said abruptly, then sighed. 'That was on my list of things to say."

He looked out the car window, unable to look at her. "For what? Putting bruises on your face?"

She sighed. "No, for saving my life. You never touched me, Steven. These bruises have nothing to do with you." She paused. "Well, the ones from Thursday night do," she amended.

"Thanks," he muttered bitterly.

"Well, they do. You want to know what the other two things were I wanted to say?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I'm sorry."

He jerked around to meet her eyes. "For what?"

She shrugged uneasily. "I think mostly for holding you to an unfair standard. I was comparing you to Adam from the beginning and that wasn't fair. I'm also sorry for not considering the hurt I'd do to the boys by being so stubborn. They're part of you, so they're part of me, too."

Steven swallowed hard. "Thank you." He dug in his pocket and pulled out Adam Llewellyn's ring. "This belongs to you."

Her eyes widened. "Where did you get that? I left it on Adam's headstone yesterday."

"Allison gave it to me. She hoped the ring would bring me luck in finding you, I think."

She just looked at the ring, making no attempt to take it. "You never said anything about me wearing it all this time. 1 usually forgot I had it on."

Steven shrugged. "I figured you'd put it aside in your own time."

She closed his hand over the ring, enclosing his fist in her hands. "It's time to give it back to Seth," she said. "I don't need it anymore."

He brought their hands to his lips. "I'm sorry, Jenna," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I didn't trust you. Once I'd calmed down I knew you'd never be a betrayer."

She looked at him, yearning in her eyes. "I know. What I want to know is what will happen next time before you calm down? What if we're married? What if we have children together?"

His heart stumbled, then kicked. "I want that more than anything."

"So do I," she said and for a moment he felt such elation… Then she added, "But not if I have to worry about every man I see, I smile at, or say hello to. I have to know you trust me, or this isn't going to work. I don't want to build a life with you only to resent you years from now."

He hung his head. "I can't make promises like that, Jenna. I want to, but I can't. I can't promise I won't see you with another man and wonder or even get mad. I may falter and fall because I'm human. I can promise to make it the thing I work hardest on in my life. But I need to know you won't walk away from me. I couldn't take that again."

"I love you," she said and his head jerked up. She smiled at the surprise on his face. "That was the last thing I wanted to say to you. I think if you'd made a rash promise to never get jealous again just to keep me I probably would have asked you to take me back to Seth. But you didn't, because you're a man of integrity. I love that about you. I respect that about you."

He was almost afraid to ask. "Jenna, will you come home with me?"

She put her finger over his lips. "No, and let me tell you why. Do you remember the night I tried to seduce you? The night Casey was hurt? That night you said you had responsibilities? Three of them? You still do, Steven. We leapt into this whole relationship so fast. Partly because we'd both been lonely and partly because of all the craziness around us. We played house this week and it was wonderful. I tucked your son into bed and pretended he was mine. I want him to be mine. But I want him to understand how normal people do things."

His lips quirked up against her finger. "I thought we'd abandoned all hope of normalcy."

Her eyes smiled at him. "Pretend with me, Steven. We'll have dates. You'll pick me up at my place and take me out for beer and hot wings. Sometimes, if I'm at your house, I'll tuck in your son. We'll grow together. Then, soon, we'll grow into a family." She swallowed and brought his hand to her lips again. "I was so afraid I'd die last night, Steven, and never have you as my own. Never have a family with you. But I don't want that fear to make us leap so fast we miss the important growth along the way.

"You've given this a lot of thought."

Her smile was wry. "I had some free time last night."

"I love you, Jenna. I'd ask you to marry me today if I thought you'd say yes."

"I would say yes," she said. "So don't ask. Not yet. Give us the time to become a family. Then ask me and I'll still say yes."

"Jenna?" He leaned forward and pushed the baseball cap off her head, grabbing it when she would have pulled it back on. "Stop. I want to see your eyes and I can't with this hat on your head." She put her hands in her lap and he could see her worry her thumb, where Adam's ring had been. Old habits die hard , he thought. "Look at me, please?"