Josephine Cox - Songbird

“All right, Ellen.” Maddy gave a deep, heartbroken sigh. “Meantime, please… be careful. Look, I’d better go. I’m in the phone box on the village green, and there’s someone waiting to use it.”

They said their goodbyes and for a long time, Ellen remained by the phone as the baby gurgled at her feet. It made her heart sore to think that Maddy might one day take him away from her.

The more she thought on it, the more panic-stricken she became.

With all the tenderness of a mother, she gathered the sleepy baby into her arms and began to quietly rock him, removing his bib and wiping his sticky hands with it. “Your other mammy wants you back,” she murmured, lovingly stroking his face with the tip of her finger. “She wants to take you away from me. But we can’t have that, can we? Especially when it was her who put you in danger, when she got on the wrong side of him – that monster, your daddy. And now he wants to kill her and you! But I won’t let him. I’ll keep you safe… like I always do.”

The look of love she gave him was all-enveloping. “She went away – and now she thinks she has a right to reclaim you. And that’s a shame, because she can’t have you. You’re mine now, my own little boy .

Chucking his chin, she made him smile, that curiously wonky smile that babies make. “You see, she gave up all rights to you when she went out the door. So now, it’s only fair that you belong to me. You’re my baby… not hers! I’m your mammy now, and that’s the way it should be.” She kissed the top of his downy head, and his little nose.

Grandad Bob opened the kitchen door and called through: “Was that Maddy on the phone?”

“No.” In her misguided belief that she had a right to keep the child, Ellen was becoming an accomplished liar. “It was just a wrong number.”

“Oh dear. So that makes a fortnight since we heard from her. Do you think everything’s all right wi’ the lass?”

“Perhaps she finds it hard to get to a phone.” Ellen did not want to raise his suspicions, though she was not averse to letting him believe that Maddy had started to shift away from her son. “Mind you, if it were me, I’d move heaven and earth to find out how my son was.”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s anything to do with her not wanting to ask after him.” He was shaken by Ellen’s comment. “Happen her aunt has taken a turn for the worst and she doesn’t want to worry us.” His voice fell to a mumble. “All the same, I can’t understand why we haven’t heard from her in almost two weeks, when prior to that, she was calling every other day.”

Ellen was secretly disappointed that her grandfather had dismissed her comment as unbelievable. “Never mind how fond he is of her now,” she told the child, carrying him upstairs for a nappy change and a sleep, “at least the seed is set. The more I work on him, the sooner he’ll come to believe that you’ve been well and truly deserted.”

She felt for Maddy, and she meant her no real harm. But after caring for that small being for several months now, she had long seen him as her sole responsibility.

The deep love and commitment she felt for Maddy’s child had crept up on her, until now it was an obsession. Almost without realizing it, Ellen had forgotten the delicate role which Maddy had entrusted to her. Now, at whatever cost, she would lie, cheat, fight tooth and nail, to keep him with her.

She was not able to realize how the taking of something that was never yours could be a dangerous thing.

After the conversationwith Ellen, Maddy felt empty and afraid. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this, she thought. She couldn’t relax, couldn’t sleep and now, with that disturbing phone call from the hospital playing on her mind, she was at her wit’s end. “I hope Ellen really has settled it once and for all,” she told herself worriedly. “But I should have realized. He knew I was expecting his child. After his man saw me, it was inevitable that they would check all the local maternity units.”

There were consolations though. Firstly, she did not have Michael with her when she was seen in Lytham, and secondly, Ellen had dealt wisely with the query from the hospital.

So, with luck, he had discovered nothing about his son – although, knowing his cruel and vengeful nature, it was likely that he had given the order for both her and her child to be punished. And it was that which haunted her.

The thought followed her as she worked through the day – and later, when she went to the barn to tidy up and sweep the earthen floor. The thought of her son being murdered because of her, was too shocking to contemplate. That alone was her prime reason for leaving little Michael. It was hard – at times unbearable. But in the light of that man ’s determination, and Ellen’s recent warnings, she was given no choice.

“Penny for them?”

Momentarily startled, Maddy swung round. “Oh, Brad!” She visibly relaxed. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“That’s because you were deep in thought, as usual,” he remarked with a half-smile. “I called you as soon as I came through the door, but you were miles away, in a world of your own.”

“Sorry.” For his own sake, she hoped he would not become too curious. She bent her head to stroke Donald, who had lolloped in behind his master.

The half-smile became an expression of concern. “Something’s worrying you, isn’t it, Sheelagh?”

Maddy shook her head, but made no reply.

He observed her for a moment, before offering encouragingly, “I do want to help. You know that, don’t you?” Approaching closer, he placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’ve known since that first day – you’re in some kind of trouble, aren’t you?”

When again she shook her head, there was something in her eyes, a kind of silent plea, that made him determined to help. “You don’t trust me – is that it?”

“No! I mean yes, of course I trust you. But honestly, there’s nothing-”

He placed a finger gently over her lips. Then, without removing it he told her quietly. “You mean a lot to me, Sheelagh, and it hurts to see you upset. We both know there’s something playing on your mind. Tell me what it is, and I give you my word, it won’t go any further.”

Maddy had never felt closer to him than she did right now. Dangerously close. “Why do you want to help?” she asked, fighting tears. “You don’t even know me. You don’t know who I am, or where I come from. I could be a criminal, for all you know.”

The smile began in his eyes, then the corners of his mouth were stretching upward, and now he was laughing out loud, making Donald erupt into excited barking. “Let me see now,” he chuckled. “Have you robbed a bank? No? Oh, then are you perhaps an international spy on government work – yes, that’s it! It’s all top secret and you can’t divulge it to anyone.”

When he saw the answering smile creep over her face, he nervously peeped into the corners of the barn. “Ssh! You’d best not confide in me… there might be somebody listening. The walls have ears.”

Maddy laughed too. “Don’t be silly!”

When he fell silent, she looked up at him, all manner of questions in her mind; tugging at her heart.

One brief second became another, then a minute, and still he was gazing on her, and she gazing back, her heart turning somersaults. She wanted to run, to stay, to reach up and twine her arms round his neck, but most of all to run. But he kept her there; the look of love in his strong, dark eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Afraid, she drew away. “I have to go.”

“No, please… stay here with me.” He held out his hand and it was all she could do to turn away. But turn away she did, and then she was out of the barn and back to her cottage, running away from him, away from the feelings that were urging her to go back, to be with him.