James Bell - Deadlock

“Not too late!” the man said, and charged.

The next few seconds were like a slow-motion dance with death. Later, Anne would think that the face of the man was more horrifying to her than anything she had ever seen in any nightmare or horror movie. But it wasn’t because the face was grotesque – in fact, it was a reasonably pleasant face. No, it was what she saw in his eyes that terrified her. They burned with such intense focus, looking into her, as if he knew her better than she knew herself.

In those few seconds, though, she had no time to reflect, only to react. She pressed on the nozzle.

Nothing happened.

The man was now so close she could smell him. She heard Cosmo scream.

She depressed the nozzle once more, and this time an acrid hiss of mace spray shot out. The jolt hit the man full in the face.

He screamed. His hands shot to his eyes. He gouged at them wildly. He dropped to his knees and screamed again.

Anne grabbed Cosmo’s arm and pulled her around the man crying on the sidewalk. By the time they drove away in Anne’s car, a small crowd had gathered around the homeless man. She glanced quickly at the scene and saw someone in the crowd pointing at her car.

Charlene took Sarah Mae’s trembling hand in her own. They stood as the judge entered, then sat at counsel table when he called the proceedings to order. He had not asked for the jury.

“Back on the record in Sherman v. National Parental Planning Group,” Judge Lewis said. “I have given due consideration to the arguments of counsel in this matter. I find both to have made excellent points.”

Excellent? Charlene thought. Even her? There was hope. She had a very small burden to carry in order to defeat the motion.

“I have spent the last two hours poring over the legislative history of the informed consent statute,” Lewis said. “And while there is plenty of ambiguity about the intentions of the drafters, there was a very clear consensus about what this statute was supposed to accomplish. While it was meant to give a certain amount of added information to a class of people, namely women seeking abortion, it was also clearly intended to provide a barrier in the area of litigation.”

Lewis paused and looked at Charlene. His look made her stomach drop.

He was preparing her.

“And while this court believes strongly in the jury as finders of fact, I am mindful of my role as the interpreter of the law. In that capacity, I find I am in agreement with the argument of counsel for the defense.”

Charlene’s heart joined her stomach in free fall.

“Therefore, the defense motion for a directed verdict is granted. The case is dismissed.”

For a moment silence prevailed. Then Winsor was standing, hugging Graebner and a representative of the NPPG. They slapped each other on the back.

Then she heard Aggie Sherman’s anguished, angry wail. Sarah Mae’s mother slammed her hands down on the railing and shouted, “No!”

Charlene took a step toward her to comfort her, but Aggie pointed directly at her and screamed, “You stay away from us!”

A bailiff rushed over and warned Aggie to quiet down. Sarah Mae slumped in her chair. Charlene stood clamped to the floor, unable to move, watching the aftermath of the destruction of her world.

But worst of all was not what the decision meant for her. No, she could somehow recover from this. The worst thing was seeing Sarah Mae’s head fall into her hands and her small, girlish body begin to shake.

Charlene put a hand on her shoulder. Almost immediately she felt a hand on her own. Aggie was pulling Charlene away. “Don’t touch her,” she said.

“Please – ”

“No! Sarah Mae, come along. Now.”

Helpless, Charlene watched as Aggie yanked Sarah Mae up like a sack of linens. Sarah Mae’s eyes flashed at Charlene, a mix of confused emotions Charlene could not read. Following her mother through the railing, Sarah Mae Sherman disappeared from view, and for all Charlene knew, from her life.

She fought back tears. She would not cry, not here. But she longed for someone to talk to.

Anyone except Beau Winsor. He offered his hand to her. “Don’t feel too bad,” he said. “There will be other fights.”

Charlene opened her mouth, and there it stayed. Open and without speech.

“You’re young. You’re talented. Ever think of joining a firm?”

Slowly Charlene shook her head.

“Give me a call. Let me take you to lunch.”

All she could do was shake her head.

Winsor said, “If you change your mind…” And then he nodded and walked away.

Larry Graebner also offered his hand, and Charlene felt compelled to take it.

“I’d consider his offer,” Graebner said. “It’s a good one.”

“This isn’t over,” Charlene said weakly. “I’ll file an appeal.”

Graebner glanced at the courtroom doors. “If you do, and you lose, our position will become precedent in this circuit. Would you want that?”

“Has it occurred to you we might win on appeal?”

“It really hadn’t,” Graebner said. “But anything’s possible.” Larry Graebner smiled. “Good luck, Ms. Moore. You did a fine job.”

Millie was beginning to hate the word hope. Jack Holden had used it several times already in the eulogy. And each time he said it, she heard a few mumbled “amens” behind her. She felt herself wanting to sear these people with a don’t you understand? look.

Hope was in the casket, about to be buried. The hope that she would get more time with her mother. The hope that had been waved in front of her when her mother had managed to talk to her at the hospital.

“ ‘Therefore, since we have been justified through faith’ ” – Holden was reading, and she heard the words as if outside the building – “ ‘we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.’ ”

This was how her mother would have wanted her funeral, and for that she could endure it. But not the word hope anymore. Please.

“ ‘And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.’ ”

More amens. Holden had asked her if she wanted to say a few words, and she had declined. What did she have to say to these people? She was an outsider. She had once been one of them, but she had left long ago. In body and in spirit.

She dutifully stayed for the meal that had been prepared by several in the congregation. She dutifully shook hands and received condolences. She dutifully said what needed to be said without sounding rude.

They were good people, and they had been her mother’s family. Millie hated the way she felt about them now. She was jealous – of the times they’d had with Ethel that Millie had not. Her smile felt forced. But she smiled. Mom would have wanted it that way.

She was grateful for the job Jack Holden had done. But she was also jealous of him. He had had time with her mother, too.

He approached her at the back of the fellowship hall, where Millie had sought some respite from talk.

“You’ll be going back to D.C. soon?” he asked.

“Two days,” Millie said.

“May I say something?”

“Of course.”

“Even though the circumstances are not the best, it’s been good to talk with you. You know. About all the things we talked about.”

“My mother thought highly of you,” she said. “You were a great comfort to her.”

“You have her qualities.”

“I wish.” Ethel Hollander was so unlike her daughter. Or was it the other way around?