Claire LaZebnik - Knitting Under the Influence

“Oh, you poor thing,” Denise said, swiveling back to Sari.

“You must be starved. I am so sorry. I had just assumed you'd go ahead and start eating without me. If I had known-”

“I’m fine,” Sari said. “Really. I was sharing Zack's M &M’s with him all afternoon and almost made myself sick on them. Job hazard, you know.”

“ ‘Job hazard’?” Denise repeated, raising the wineglass to her lips.

“She uses candy as a reward,” Jason said. “Which you would know if you had ever come to see her work with him.”

“It's not that I’m always shoving candy at him,” Sari said to Denise. “I don't want you to think that he's like a dog, getting a treat with every trick or anything like that. Most things he does, the reinforcement comes naturally, like if he wants to go outside and he says, ‘out,’ and then I take him outside. But the M &M’s come in handy for a lot of games and working on color names and stuff like that. Everyone likes candy!” She was talking too much, the way she always did when she got nervous.

“I see,” Denise said politely.

Sari felt like an idiot.

“Here, Denise,” Jason said. “Let me put it in terms you'll understand. Say your assistant does a really good job of lying for you when you don't want to talk to someone on the phone. You don't scream at him for five whole minutes and he gets the idea that he's been a good boy and should do lots more lying in the future. That's called positive reinforcement.”

“Jason's going to give you the wrong impression of me,” Denise said to Sari with a good-natured laugh. “I’m actually a pretty decent boss.”

“Oh, of course,” Sari said. Then: “I’m really so glad we're getting a chance to meet and talk about Zack's progress.”

“Are you kidding?” Denise said. “I wouldn't have missed this for the world. I’ve been dying to learn more about how you do what you do.”

“Sure, you have,” Jason said. “That explains your constant presence at Zack's sessions.”

Denise pivoted on her heel so she was facing him. “I work in the afternoons.” She smiled at him. “So you don't have to, I might add.”

“You might and you did,” he said. “So what should we order for dinner? I seem to be already eating shit, but I’m open to a change of menu.”

Denise turned back to Sari and took her arm. She lowered her voice. “I’m sure you realize that Jason's just trying to be funny. Sometimes drinking affects his judgment a little bit, and he's not always aware of how he sounds.” Then, in her normal voice: “I just want you to know that we couldn't be more dedicated to pulling together as a team to make things right for Zack. That's priority number one for both of us.”

“Oh, of course,” Sari said. “And I want-” She was interrupted by a few bars of “Fur Elise.”

“Excuse me one moment,” Denise said, dropping Sari's arm so she could slip a tiny cell phone out of the slim Prada handbag she had left on the bar. She put it to her ear as she took another sip of wine. “Denise Cotton,” she said.

Sari drifted a few steps back.

From the depths of his chair, Jason said, “She went back to her maiden name. For a few glorious years she was actually Denise Smith.”

Sari didn't say anything to that.

“Oh, damn,” Denise said. She flipped her phone shut and slid it back into her purse. “You won't believe this. I drove all the way here just to get to spend a few minutes with you, Sari, and I told everyone who works for me that I couldn't be bothered for anything short of an emergency. So of course one came up. There's been a total breakdown on one of the sets-it's a complete mess and they need me there to straighten it out.” She took a sip of wine and set the glass back on the counter. “I can't believe how frustrating this is! To finally get to meet you and then not have time to talk about Zack.”

“It's nice to put a face to the name at least,” Sari said.

Denise shone a brilliant smile in her direction. “Exactly what I was thinking. And I know we'll get together again soon.” She slung her purse on her shoulder. “I hope you don't mind, but I feel like I have to hug you. You're just so wonderful.” She put her arms around Sari and kissed her lightly on each cheek. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. And we're going to reschedule this ASAP.”

“Great,” Sari said, and Denise squeezed her hard again before releasing her.

“Goodbye, Jason,” she said and turned to go.

“Hold on.” He rose to his feet for the first time since her arrival. “You're going to at least say hi to Zack before you leave, aren't you?”

She glanced at her watch and then said, “Better not. I don't want to upset him by saying hi and then having to leave right away.”

“You haven't seen him in days.”

“And I miss him,” she said. “More than you can possibly imagine.”

“It's hard to imagine you miss him at all when you won't bother walking into the next room to see him.”

“You're not getting it,” she said. “It's hard for both of us if I see him and then have to immediately walk out on him again.”

“So don't walk out.”

“I wish it were that simple. Do you think it's easy for me to have to drop in on my own child? But I’ve got to support him-and all this-” She gestured at the house around them. “Believe me, I would love the luxury of being able to sit around the house all day with my kid-”

“You would hate it,” Jason said. “You never wanted that.”

“I’ve wanted it,” she said. “But I’m not the type to sit around whining for something that's not going to happen.”

“What type are you?” he said.

“The type who understands that we need a lot of money to help Zack.” She gestured in Sari's direction. “How long do you think we could hire people like Sari-wonderful, talented people like Sari-if I stopped working? How about Maria and all the freedom she gives you? You ready to give that up, Jason?”

“I’m not asking you to quit your fucking job,” Jason said. He stood there in the middle of the room, his body tense but still. “I just thought you might want to say hi to your son.”

“If I had more time, there's nothing in the world I’d rather do.” She turned to go.

“You never have more time,” he said from behind her back.

She twisted to look at him over her shoulder. “I do what I do because I know it's the best way for me to help Zack.”

“Come on,” he said. “When were you ever going to make any other choice?”

“I’ve never had the chance to find out,” she said. “I’ve always had to support this family since you never could.”

“Ah,” said Jason. “Back to that one.”

Denise turned to Sari. “I’m sorry,” she said. “We're still working things out.”

“It's okay,” Sari said. “I know how hard it can be-”

“I’m sure you do,” Denise said. “Please excuse me now, Sari. I’ll be looking forward to the next time we get together.” She left the room, and, a second later, the front door slammed.

There was a moment of silence, and then Jason forced a little painful laugh. “There she goes,” he said. “The former Mrs. Jason Smith.”

“It's tough on a marriage.” Sari was well aware how lame she sounded. “Having a kid with special needs.”

“Oh, we were doomed long before Zack came along,” Jason said. “I’ve been almost as much of a disappointment to Denise as I’ve been to my father. They've had some fine conversations about what a failure I am.” Sari didn't know what to say to this. After another moment, Jason said, “Of course, she's right about most of it. She does have to support us. And therapy doesn't come cheap.”