Sharon Shinn - Gateway

They disembarked and walked the final few blocks. Aurora made no attempt at conversation, for she appeared to be deep in thought, and Daiyu just trudged along beside her, clasping her folded clothes to her chest. Compared to the streets where Xiang lived, this neighborhood seemed even more downtrodden, the tents ragged and pathetic, the standing houses decrepit. Most everyone they passed was cangbai or heiren ; the few Han they encountered looked strained and miserable.

But the thought of leaving this place behind forever was pushing Daiyu into despair.

The thought of leaving Kalen behind forever…

It was scarcely noon by the time they arrived at the house. Daiyu looked around eagerly, in case Kalen was there, but it was quickly evident that he was not. She felt her shoulders slump with weariness and disappointment and a mounting sense of loss.

“Are you hungry?” Aurora asked. “There’s food in the kitchen.”

“A little. I couldn’t swallow anything this morning. And I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Well, eat something and then take a nap. I’m going to look for Ombri. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

But Aurora was still gone when Daiyu finished her meal and lay down. She had automatically gone to the small room that had been hers five weeks earlier, and only now did she realize she had usurped Kalen’s place. His clothes were thrown over a chair; his scent lay like a perfume across the bed. Daiyu put her head down, closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply, comforted by the smell. If she could just take a small part of Kalen back with her to St. Louis -if she could take back just one memory-

She was so tired, she fell asleep instantly, but her dreams were confused and troubling. She struggled through unfamiliar streets, running from someone who chased her, searching for someone who eluded her, while fireworks rained dangerous sparks down from overhead. It was a relief to wake a couple of hours later, feeling only a little rested. Outside her room, she could hear voices murmuring in intense conversation-Ombri and Aurora, excitedly making plans.

She turned her head on the pillow and saw Kalen sitting on the floor, watching her.

DAIYU WAS FLOODED with happiness, but when she opened her mouth to cry out his name, Kalen put a finger to his lips to enjoin silence. She glanced at the door then back at him, and he nodded. He did not want Aurora and Ombri to know she was awake.

Noiselessly, she moved over on the mat to make room for him, and he lay down beside her. She rested a hand on his hip, he settled his palm around the back of her head and drew her close enough for a gentle kiss. She sighed and felt a moment’s utter peace.

“Are you all right?” he whispered.

She nodded against the pillow. “Are you?”

“What happened?” he said. “Tell me all of it.”

“I heard Chenglei give an order to flood the river. He thought Feng had hidden there among the stonepickers, and he was willing to murder all those people in the hopes of killing Feng. I made Quan drive me to the Zhongbu, and I rang the little bells-”

“That was you?” Kalen interrupted. “Gabe came running down to the river, demanding to know what had happened. No one could believe he had left the tower empty. No one could guess who had known to ring the bells to save so many lives.”

“Some people died,” she said. “I saw them get washed away.”

Kalen rested his forehead against hers. His hand moved down to rest warmly on her back. “So many lived. But I didn’t know you were the one who saved us.”

“I wanted to tell you-I saw you climb out of the river, helping some woman, and I wanted to run to you-but I had to get back to Quan. I had to get back to Chenglei’s house. I thought no one would realize what I had done. I thought I could keep pretending.Butthenlastnight-attheparty-Chengleifound me alone. He accused me of sounding the bells. He accused me of being a traitor. He said he would ruin Xiang, he would ruin Mei, and I was horrified at all the damage I had caused. I knew I could not be arrested, so I reached for the talisman, and he took it from me and he-and he-he disappeared.”

“So Chenglei is gone and the people of Shenglang can find a new prime minister-a better one, I hope,” Kalen said. He brushed another gentle kiss on her lips and she felt his mouth smiling against hers. “You have done what they brought you here to do.”

“Kalen, Aurora says I must go home,” she said. “But I don’t want to go. Not now, not yet.” She moved closer, so she was pressed against him down the entire length of his body. She felt the heat of his skin through the ragged layer of his clothing, the silken layer of hers. “I don’t want to leave you. I don’t think I can.”

He was silent a moment, though his big hand made a slow, stroking motion down her spine. Finally he said, “You always knew you couldn’t stay. And you have so much to go back to. You’ll be glad once you’re home on Earth.”

“I can’t remember my home,” she whispered. “Any of it.”

“Your father is a tall man with an easy smile,” Kalen said, the rhythm of his voice soothing, reassuring. “He taught you to do at least one kind act every day. He works with his hands, and he makes beautiful things out of pieces that have been abandoned or thrown away. Your mother is practical and never at a loss. She could organize the world. She isn’t a dreamer like your father, but she’s hopelessly attracted to his dreams. Neither of them has ever loved anything as much as they love you.”

“How can you remember them when I can’t?”she asked him through her silent sobs.

“They’re your memories,” he told her gently. “I only held them for you.”

She moved her hand up, clutched at his face. She wanted to press even closer; she wanted to crawl inside his heart. “What will happen to me, when I cross back to Earth?” she said, desperately afraid. “Will I really forget everything that happened to me here?”

“It’s all right if you do,” he said. “I’ll hold those memories for you too.”

Her face crumpled; it was harder and harder to hold back the sound of her crying. “But you’ll be alone,” she said. “All of us gone. I hate to think of you lonely and sad-oh, but that’s better than not being able to think of you at all!”

“Ssshh,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her tightly. “It will not be so dreadful. I will be happy knowing you are where you’re supposed to be, surrounded by people who love you. I will be happy remembering you came into my life at all.”

She could not be comforted. Her weeping grew louder, and she wasn’t surprised to hear a knock on the door a moment before Aurora come in. “Is she awake then? Oh-Daiyu-this is why I didn’t want you to come back and make your good-byes-”

“I’m sorry,” Daiyu sobbed, though she couldn’t have said what she was apologizing for. Maybe nothing more than the inability to stop crying. She heard Ombri’s heavier footsteps enter the room.

“Farewells are always difficult, but there is little to be gained by drawing them out,” he said in his deep voice. The tone was far more compassionate than the words. “Say your good-byes, Daiyu, for Aurora and I cannot linger. We must cross to your iteration as soon as possible. We must discover where Chenglei has gone and what fresh mischief he might have stirred up.”

Kalen sat up and urged Daiyu to do the same. She knew her face was pinched and blotchy, but she didn’t even care that everyone could see her in such an unattractive state. “Can’t we stay one more day?” she begged. “Can’t we leave tomorrow?”

“It won’t be any easier tomorrow, I’m afraid,” Ombri said. “For you or Kalen.”