Sharon Shinn - Gateway

As she said the words, it occurred to her with a sort of buried horror that she hadn’t missed her parents at all in the last couple of days. In fact, today she hadn’t even thought of them until that very moment. What was wrong with her? Was Shenglang putting such a spell on her that she was slowly but surely forgetting her former life, her true life? Or was the mere act of passing through iterations too difficult for the brain to absorb? She had been warned that her mind would not be able to retain memories of Shenglang once she returned to her own time and place. Maybe she could not retain memories of St. Louis if she was in Shenglang too long. The thought was terrifying.

“Daiyu?”Kalensaid,hisvoiceconcerned.“Whatisit?What did I say?”

“Kalen,” she whispered, “I think I’m forgetting things.”

“What things? I can help you remember, if they happened in Shenglang.”

“No-my family-my life in St. Louis. It seems so faint and so far away. As if this is the world that’s real, and that’s the dream, that’s the place that doesn’t really exist. Kalen, what happens if I forget them? What happens if I don’t remember where I really belong?”

“Do you remember it now?” he asked gently. “Your true life?”

“Yes-I think so. But how do I know? What if I’ve forgotten things already?”

Hisvoicewaslow,unruffled,soothing.“I’msureyouhaven’t. Nothing important, anyway. Tell me about it. Describe your mother and father to me. Tell me about your house.”

As always, his words, his very presence, chased away some of her fear. She took a deep breath. “My father is this tall, thin, happy guy. He accepts everybody. He trusts everybody. He never holds grudges. He tried to be a banker, but he didn’t know how to be a corporate man, so he started buying and rehabbing houses. He likes to work with his hands. No matter what you need, if you ask my dad for help, he’ll give it to you. His eyes are as blue as Aurora ’s.”

“I think I’d like him,” Kalen said.

“Oh, and he’d like you. My mom-she’s the practical one. She can always figure things out, everything from reading a map to budgeting for groceries. She sort of holds my dad to the Earth, you know? If she’s around, you know that nothing can go so wrong that she can’t fix it. And she understands things. Like why you want a certain dress or why you like a certain boy. No matter what you need to tell her, she’ll listen.”

“You don’t have any brothers or sisters?”

She shook her head. “They adopted me from China.” She knew as soon as she said the phrase that it would make no sense to him. She rubbed her fingers over the dragon ring and tried again. “They’re not Han,” she said. “Where I come from, most of the Han people live on the other side of the world. It’s the cangbai folk who pretty much run my country. My parents are cangbai, like you.”

“Is that strange?”

“They’re my parents and they love me,” she said. “It doesn’t feel strange at all.”

“Where do you live?” he prompted. “What does your house look like?”

So she told him about the tumbledown property in Soulard that, by the end of the year, would be restored to a quirky elegance, and then gave him details about some of the other houses they had lived in. She described the backless red dress she had worn last year to a cousin’s wedding, the item of clothing she loved most in the world. She named her best friends, listed her favorite books, and would have outlined the plots of her favorite movies if they’d had time. But she could see Aurora pacing slowly toward them down the walkway, and she knew they had already stayed longer than Xiang would have liked.

“What color do you like best?” Kalen asked, handing her the parasol as she came to her feet.

She risked turning around to look at him so he could see her smile and, maybe, some of her relief. So that she could see his smile, which flashed instantly in response. “It changes,” she said. “ That I don’t have to worry about forgetting.”

“You don’t have to worry about for getting any of it,” he said. “I’ll remember.”

DAIYU HOPED TO return to the aviary often to see Kalen, but it was soon clear there would be no chance to do so in the next few days, for Xiang had filled their schedules with activities. There were still dancing lessons to get through most days, still dressmaker fittings to endure, but now Xiang was adding more social events to their calendars. There was another breakfast-which Chenglei did not attend-and a formal dinner so somber and precisely orchestrated that Daiyu was afraid all night that she would hold an elbow wrong and be disgraced forever. She scarcely said a word and ate only the smallest bites of the sumptuous food, but apparently she did nothing unforgivable, because Xiang took her to another dinner a few nights later.

During this time, only two events really stood out to Daiyu as significant. One because it gave her another chance to observe Chenglei, the other because it showed her what her life on Shenglang could be like if she stayed-not as Kalen’s friend, but as the niece of one of the richest women in the city.

“Wear your prettiest blouse today,” Xiang ordered her one morning over breakfast. “The purple one with the gold embroidery. Mei is coming for lunch. It will be very casual, of course, but she will be inspecting you. You want to look your best but not as if you were trying.”

Daiyu hid a smile. Any high-school girl completely understood that imperative. “Yes, Mistress.”

So she changed into the new purple blouse, wearing it over the omnipresent black pants-though both top and trousers were of incredibly fine material and so perfectly made that they turned her ordinary figure into an exquisite hourglass. It had been fairly easy to learn how to use the cosmetics available to her, so she applied what passed for rouge, mascara, and lip gloss. Xiang had carelessly lent her a whole case full of jewelry, but for a “casual” meal, Daiyu would keep her gold hoops. She appraised herself in the polished chrome square and thought she looked pretty good.

Daiyu was surprised, but Xiang obviously was not, when Mei arrived with her son in tow. “I hope you don’t mind,” Mei said after kissing Xiang on the cheek. “He told me he had very important plans today but they were canceled, and I said, ‘You have not shown any respect to my old friend Xiang in many months. Why don’t you take me to her house?’ He will not stay for the meal, of course, I would not be so rude as to bring along an uninvited guest-”

“I would not be so rude as to turn aside a young man who has kindly escorted his mother out on a summer day!” Xiang replied. “I am sure those lazy servants have prepared plenty of food. One should always be prepared to show hospitality to friends.”

“Daiyu, have you met my son Quan?” Mei asked, drawing him forward. “He is my youngest and a very good man.”

Daiyu finally lifted her eyes to get a good look at Quan. He was about average height and solidly built, with his black hair cut very short and eyes of a peculiar light gray. He wore tiny silver hoops in both ears, and two silver rings on his left hand. His expression was friendly enough-slightly embarrassed and slightly amused to be part of his mother’s machinations, but not truly uncomfortable-and his gaze was direct. He was wearing all black, embroidered with cobalt blue stars. Like her own, a studiedly casual look. Apparently, only Daiyu had been unaware that this meeting would occur.

She guessed that he was at least five years older than she was, so it was his place to initiate the conversation, which he did immediately. “Hello, Daiyu,” he said, extending his palm, briefly touching hers, then letting his arm fall. “I saw you at my mother’s breakfast, I think.”