Hannah Alexander - A Killing Frost

Jama nodded. “She told me about it.”

“And Doriann told me.”

Jama looked up at him. “She knew?”

“Yes, and she told the FBI agents about it. Renee and I figured out who Doriann was talking about when we put our heads together this morning. Renee filled me in on your call to her. I think you guessed who Debra was when you saw her at Zelda’s last night.”

“She was never a killer.”

“No, I don’t think she was.”

Jama wiped her face with a tissue, then looked up to find Tyrell studying her. The blue of his eyes was deeper today, and the dark lashes shadowed them.

“Did you get much sleep last night?” he asked.

“Apparently not enough. Ruth dismissed me.”

“She’s a wise director, then. She understands the need for sleep.”

The words felt sharp and jagged to Jama, though he said them softly.

“Tyrell, it’s been a long twenty-four hours, and we’re both tired. Couldn’t we-”

“You could have told me about Amy so much earlier.”

Jama stiffened. Here it came. Calm. She needed to remain calm. She didn’t look at him. Couldn’t.

“I did tell you,” she said.

“Sooner.”

“Judging by your reaction last night, I don’t think that would have been wise.” She stood up. “If you don’t mind, I could use a walk.” She stepped from the side of the porch into the grass and strolled away, praying he wouldn’t follow.

Tyrell had seldom felt so much regret. He thought about his niece, who wouldn’t be alive now if not for Jama. About his father, who might not have made it to help in time.

Jama had tackled Clancy Reneker in the darkness like a mama bear, and Tyrell hadn’t even asked how bad the knife wound was. She’d assured everyone she would be okay, but her focus was on getting Doriann to treatment as soon as possible.

It was Jama’s way. It had been for years.

Tyrell closed his eyes and could almost read those passages of scripture against his eyelids this morning.

“‘Love is patient, love is kind,’” he whispered. “‘Love rejoices in the truth.’”

The truth was that he had searched his heart for many hours. He realized enough to know that the woman who had just walked away from him was not the confused young woman who had tried to drown the pain of her past with a few drinks.

He would not make excuses for Jama’s actions all those years ago any more than he would excuse his own disregard for the feelings of others, the times he’d run roughshod over a sibling’s wishes simply because he was the oldest brother.

He had some growing to do yet, and it seemed Jama was ahead of him. Maybe he should consider following in her footsteps. She’d had more experience swallowing her pride and searching out her own weaknesses. She’d made great strides toward becoming a whole person.

He got up and followed her. Whether she wanted to or not, they had some talking to do. And he would try not to disregard her wishes.

Unless that meant he couldn’t tell her what was on his mind this morning.

It amazed him how the light of day served to clear a person’s mind.

Jama strolled toward the back of Zelda’s property, where a small stream trickled over boulders. She needed to soak up some of the ambience this place offered. She needed to calm down.

Far too often, she had placed herself in Tyrell’s shoes, and realized it would be so hard for her to forgive the person who caused the death of a loved one. Of course, hadn’t she proven that? She had never completely forgiven herself.

Perhaps it was time. Hadn’t she been forgiven years ago by the Judge of all creation? Who was she to countermand an order from God?

She had just reached the stream, and allowed her senses to be filled with the sound of trickling water, the scent of fresh, moist earth and early spring flowers, when she heard another sound behind her. Footsteps.

She sighed. The man had no tact.

“How’s Zelda doing?” Tyrell fell into step with Jama.

“She’ll never be the same.”

“Did you tell her what Debra did to save Doriann?”

“Yes, I told her that her granddaughter was a hero, but that doesn’t bring Debra back, does it?” Jama looked up at him. “She made some mistakes in her life, and she died for those mistakes.”

“And Doriann lived. Maybe because of those very mistakes.”

Jama thought about that. And about Ruth’s words earlier. God ordered their lives.

“Tyrell, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not the best of company right now.”

“I think your company is great.”

“Well, then, I’m not up to an argument right now. I’m not even up to a discussion. I just need solitude.”

“Me, too. Let’s have some solitude together, okay?”

Jama turned and walked away. She couldn’t look at him. All the pain and regret of the past years welled up inside her.

The sharp edges of their situation overwhelmed her. Later, when she’d rested and was stronger, she would offer him another heartfelt apology. How was she going to face him-face his whole family-for two years?

“I was angry and hurt, Jama.” He followed her. “You expected it. You knew me well enough to realize what my initial reaction would be. I know I was hard on you. I’m sorry.”

“I remained a part of the family under false pretenses. You have nothing to apologize for. After this is over, after everything has settled down, I’ll tell the rest of the family and take whatever comes.”

He fell into step beside her. “What do you think will come?”

“You experienced it yourself last night. What do you think?”

“They’ll be hurt. It’s only natural. But I think they’re going to draw the same conclusion I did after a long talk with God.”

In spite of herself, Jama slowed her steps to match his.

He moved closer to her. She could feel him willing her to look up at him.

“What conclusion?” she asked.

“In the midst of my anger with you, I began to consider what you must have been feeling all this time. How you felt after telling me. How I’d hurt you. The horror you’ve lived with, the burden you’ve carried alone, because you’ve been abandoned so many times in your life, and you just didn’t think you could face it again.”

She turned and looked up at him. Tenderness in his eyes. Compassion.

“Jama, don’t you realize that our family doesn’t love you because you’re Amy’s friend. We love you because you’re you. Jama Keith.” He looked down, then away, almost as if he’d suddenly become shy-though there wasn’t a shy bone in Tyrell Mercer’s body. “Who I hope with all my heart will become Jama Mercer someday.”

She’d been holding her breath. She let it out. She felt more tears warm her cheeks. “Don’t you understand that this tragedy will always be between us?”

He reached up and touched the tears, caressed her face with his hand. “Don’t you realize you’re not the same Jama who made that disastrous mistake four and a half years ago? That tragedy was a pivotal point in your life. Just as you said, you sought God, and all this time you’ve been growing into the person He wants you to be. Your honesty with me proves it.”

“I’m still Jama. I’m not some perfect, mature saint.”

“Well, honey, you know I’m sure not one, either.” Another step closer, until she could feel his warmth. “I’m in this for the duration, Jama Sue. I love you with everything in me, and I have no doubts. The rest of the family will feel the same once they’ve worked through the tangles. I’ll stand beside you.”

She sank down onto a boulder beside the stream and stared into the water. She couldn’t think right now. She’d been so sure-

Tyrell cupped her chin in his hand and raised it until her eyes met his. Then he knelt beside her. “Jama, you told me last night that I was the only one for you. That there’d never been anybody else. Did you mean it?”