Robert Rankin - Necrophenia

Which, I suppose, means that this is the end of my tale.

Which seems a bit of a shame, really, but you have to end it somewhere. And I, like Laz, am going out on a high. But it is certainly not over for me. In fact, my career as Some Call Me Tyler, Psychic Detective is only just beginning.

And if there is any justice in this world, you will soon be reading my exciting adventures and how I solve the most obtuse conundrums and thwart the diabolical plans of criminal masterminds using my extra-special power and the Tyler Technique.

And so, let me leave you with the words of… the George:

It’s turned out nice again.

[1]This term was originally coined by a reporter from the Daily Mirror who toured with the band during the 1970s, when eating disorders first became fashionable. And the Kynges were at the forefront of this trend.

[2]The technique for adapting the beer-bottle top to badge-wear is now lost in the Mists of Time. Those who remember it, remember it, and these few souls remain cool.

[3]And they would.

[4]You see? The George Formby anagram, Orgy of Begrem.

[5]I don’t think this is altogether true, is it? (Ed.)

[6]Sequined all over. His mum had made it for him.

[7]Which had arrived through our letter box by mistake, it being meant for Captain Blood, the retired freebooter who lived next door.

[8]So, some things never change.

[9]Traditional.

[10]This, it is to be believed, was the first time this joke was ever used.

[11]And this was never used.

[12]And they do.

[13]As opposed to one that is only occasional.

[14]Positively the last time.

[15]This is not entirely true. In fact, it is not true at all.

[16]The organist was Richie Havens. (Ed.)

[17]Should the reader yearn to know the full story of Courage Croydon, the best reference book would be Sir John Rimmer’s Croydon’s Croydon: The Man, the Myth and the Sacred Geomancy of the Roundabout system.

[18]Third wedding Anniversaries are ‘cheese’. And are not easy to get anniversary cards for. As opposed to those silver, gold and diamond. But strange, at times, are the ways of Man.

[19]Still reckoned to be the most comfortable recliner of all time.

[20]Which rather impressed me at the time because dogging had yet to become an English national pastime.

[21]That’s probably enough Cons, now, thank you. (Ed.) Hey, buddy, don’t footnote Woodbine – I ain’t a footnoted kind of guy.

[22]Allegedly. But hey, come on!

[23]Elvis was in fact a natural blond, although not a lot of people know that.

[24]Everything makes sense when you give it sufficient thought. Doesn’t it?