Karen Rose - Count to Ten

Including me . Trembling, she carefully placed the pan on the stovetop and turned on the water, then the garbage disposal. Then under the cover of noise, let herself cry.

Reed stood at the window, his heart thundering in his chest. Dear God . His life before the Sollidays had been dark and dank and dismal. He'd been hungry and afraid. His mother had used her fists. But this . He'd been afraid of this last night. She'd denied it too forcefully. Her father had molested his daughters. Rage bubbled with hate and Reed would have liked nothing more than to resurrect Bobby Mitchell so he could kill him again. But that wasn't what Mia needed. He watched her shoulders heave as she cried and his own eyes stung. She'd do this. Cry so that nobody would hear. Nobody would come. Nobody would help. She'd accept his help tonight. He opened the door, set the glass bowl on the stove, turned off the disposal and the water, then turned her into his arms. She stiffened, tried to pull away, but he held her firmly until her fingers curled into his shirt, hanging on.

Gently he pulled her across the kitchen, sat down and pulled her into his lap where her arms came around his neck and she clung, weeping so pitifully he thought his own heart would break. He held her tight, rocked her, kissed her hair until her tears were spent. She sagged against him, her forehead pressed against his chest so her face was hidden. It was her last defense and this he'd leave her.

She was quiet for a long time. "You were listening again."

"I came to bring you meatloaf. I can't help it that the walls are thin."

"I should be mad at you. But I don't seem to have enough mad left."

He ran his hands up and down her back. "I'd kill him if he weren't already dead."

"You don't understand."

"Then tell me. Let me help you."

She shook her head. "We made a deal, Solliday. This is way too many strings now."

He lifted her chin, made her look at him. "You're hurting. Let me help you."

She held his eyes. "It's not what you think. He never touched me."

"Kelsey?"

"Yeah." She stood, walked to the back door and stared out the window. "I remember the day I understood that Bobby would never change. I was fifteen and he was drunk. Kelsey had done something and he'd already belted her once. I begged him not to hurt her anymore and he made me a deal." She paused, then sighed. "He put his arm around me… Somehow I knew . He said if I did it, he'd leave Kelsey alone."

Reed swallowed hard. "You didn't."

"No, I didn't. Instead I busted my ass to get a scholarship by day. I took one of his guns and slept with it under my pillow at night. He'd been so drunk, I didn't think he even remembered he'd said it, but I was taking no chances. I tried to tell Kelsey to be careful, to watch out, not to antagonize him but she wouldn't listen. She hated me then. Or so I thought." She turned abruptly. "Do you know the meaning of sacrifice, Reed?"

"I don't know how to answer that."

Her mouth curved bitterly. "Wise answer. See, I always thought I escaped the big beatings because I was faster than Kelsey. Because I was somehow better. Smarter. I didn't antagonize him. He left me alone. What Kelsey didn't tell me until a few years ago is that he'd made the same proposition to her." She lifted her brows and said no more.

"Oh my God," he breathed, unable to fathom it. "Oh, Mia."

"Yeah. All the time I was telling her to straighten and fly right, to stop provoking him… all that time…" Her voice broke. "She did it. For me. Until I was gone to college. Then she ran away with a punk named Stone and ruined her life. Now she's in prison. Olivia was right. Kelsey did it. But I have to ask if she would have if things had been different. If the tables had been turned, would she be the cop? Would I be in jail?"

"You wouldn't have. You couldn't have."

" And you don't know that ," she said, fury giving her voice a hard edge. "I've listened to you debate nature versus nurture with Miles all week and I'm here to tell you it's not that easy, Reed. Sometimes people go wrong, when if things were different they would have gone right. You said yourself you nearly ended up in a place like Hope Center. What if you had? What if the Sollidays hadn't taken you in? Where might you be?"

"I never broke the law," he said tightly. "Even when I was hungry, I never stole a penny. What I am, I made."

"And the Sollidays had nothing to do with that."

"They gave me a home. I did the rest."

She looked at him, something close to contempt in her eyes and he felt compelled to make her understand. "I'd been a runaway for three years, off and on. I met up with some kids who stole purses. I never did. Then one day one of them did and threw the purse to me. The lady screamed I'd done it and called the cops. I almost got hauled in, but a bystander went to bat for me. She'd seen the whole thing and swore I was innocent. Her name was Nancy Solliday. She and her husband took me."

"And I'm grateful io them," she said quietly, her eyes calmer now. "But Reed, realistically, how long would you have lasted on the streets?"

"I would have found any other way."

"Okay. Look, I appreciate the shoulder, but I need some time to myself right now. I haven't run in days, so I'm going around the block a few times."

She'd closed the subject again. "What about your dinner?" he asked.

"I'll heat something up later." She kissed his cheek. "Thank you. I mean that. I'll call you when I'm back."

Reed sat while she ran upstairs to change her clothes. She went straight out without saying another word, leaving him to stare at the kitchen walls. Christine had decorated this room, like she'd decorated all the others. Beauty, elegance with enough hominess to balance the effect. Left up to Mia, the room would have a microwave, a toaster oven for her Pop-Tarts, and a stack of paper plates.

He got up to put away the food, wondering how much more a man really needed.

Friday, December 1, 9:15 p.m.

Mia rounded the block, headed for Solliday's house for the second time. When she looked at apartments tomorrow, she'd look in nice old neighborhoods like this. At least three dog walkers had smiled and waved as she ran by. It was in marked contrast to her own neighborhood, where no one made eye contact, or the neighborhood where little boys peeked out their blinds and no one had any idea who their neighbors were. Which made her remember that she'd forgotten to tell Solliday that his hunch on pet shops may prove profitable after all. She pulled out her cell phone to check on Murphy's status when she saw something strange.

One of the bedroom windows in Solliday's house slid up and a dark head poked out and looked both ways. Then a body followed the head and shimmied down the tree outside her window as if it were a firepole. Looked like Beth Solliday was going to her party after all. Kelsey used to do that, she recalled. Climb out the window and meet God-knew-who and do God-knew-what. But Beth, honey, you will not .

Beth straightened her coat, pulled on her gloves and took off at a run across backyards, taking fences like a pro. Keeping her distance, Mia followed.

Friday, December 1, 9:55 p.m.

"You're late," a girl with a ring in her nose hissed and pulled Beth inside. "You almost missed your slot." That, Mia supposed, would be the infamous Jenny Q.

Mia had followed Beth downtown on the El to some kind of club called the Rendezvous. The kid had been damn hard to keep up with. She should be running track.

Beth took off her coat. "I had to wait. My dad went next door and I kept thinking he'd come back, but he didn't. I guess he's there for the night again."

Again? So much for discretion, Mia thought. Solliday thought his daughter was innocent. Well, she hadn't gone to a party but she'd snuck out to go wherever this was. Mia wasn't sure what this place was. It wasn't a bar, because no one was carding. It had a stage and about fifty little tables where a diverse group lounged. Jenny and Beth disappeared into the crowd, but when Mia tried to follow a man tapped her arm.