Tess Gerritsen - Double Impact

“That’s not true,” he countered savagely. “I will keep my word. I’ll get you back to your son. I won’t go back on that promise.”

As if she could trust him. She didn’t even know the man.

“Forgive me if I don’t put a lot of stock in that guarantee,” she tossed back at him. The whole world had gone mad as far as she could see. The only thing she wanted to do was to go home. But no one would let her.

“Why didn’t you just let me go?” she asked, the anger pulsing out of her like the blood from a severed artery. There was no need to ask him how her son was, he’d never gone back. He’d been tailing her…her and Michal.

He looked away then. “I can’t do that. Not until this is finished.”

She threw up her hands in surrender. “To hell with it. I give up. I’m never going to see my child again and we both know it.” She rounded on him then. “Why not just admit that and be done with it? I’m dead, right?”

Ten long seconds ticked by before he answered. “As far as anyone else is concerned, your survival is not essential to the mission,” he admitted wearily.

She started to shake her head, but then remembered the hot ball of pain pulsing at the base of her skull. She laughed instead, a dry, brittle sound. “I knew it.”

“But that’s not the way I see it,” he pressed. “I’ll keep my word, Ami. You have to trust me.”

She glared up at him from beneath her lashes. “Like hell. I can’t trust anyone.”

“I have everything set,” he said more quietly as if fearing someone would overhear him. “I have a backup plan that no one else knows about. Your son is safe. I’ll see that you’re reunited with him. But you’ve got to do exactly what I tell you. I can’t help you if you get me killed or one of my operatives spotted by Arad or his people. I can’t help you if I’m out of the picture,” he reiterated.

She took the final step that stood between them. “Swear to me that you won’t let anything happen to my child and that if I survive this you’ll get me to him.”

“I swear.” He started to say more but didn’t or couldn’t. Slowly, without taking his eyes from hers, he lifted his hand and stroked her cheek. “I won’t let you down.”

For that brief moment a memory surfaced-him holding her…kissing her. She blinked the image away. She remembered something he’d said that first day they’d met…something about their relationship before.

“Did we…?” Her gaze locked with his and she pleaded for the whole truth. She didn’t want any more lies. She was so sick and tired of deception.

“Yes.” He lowered his hand and backed off emotionally. She felt his withdrawal. “But that was before. Our…personal relationship ended when you went undercover.”

That meant only one thing. “He’s Nicholas’s father.” The words were scarcely a whisper, a mere breath, but the realization was so profound she staggered beneath the weight of it. On some level she’d known.

“Yes,” Tanner admitted. “He’s the father. Do you understand what that means?”

She looked up at him once more.

“If he finds out about the child, he’ll do whatever necessary to get his hands on him. Is this the kind of life you want for your child?”

She shook her head slowly from side to side, the pain now relegated to some rarely used area of gray matter. As the rest of her hurts, it no longer mattered. “I don’t want that.”

“Then this mission is your only hope. As long as Arad is alive, you and your son won’t be safe from his reach. He’s too powerful…too ruthless.”

They were going to kill him, Ami realized. The thought seemed to come from some faraway place. She felt somehow outside her body as she watched her mind absorb the implication of his statement. She’d suspected that, as well.

“You want me to help you kill him.”

Again his eyes answered before he did. “Yes.”

How could she do that? He was her son’s father…he was her…lover. Emotion twisted inside her. She wasn’t a murderer. No matter what anyone said, she would not believe that.

“Look at it this way,” Tanner said, calling her attention to him once more, “one more sick terrorist will be dead and you and your son will be free of him once and for all.”

She backed up a step, putting her hands up in a stop fashion. “If he’s so bad, why hasn’t the CIA done this already? Why wait for me to come along? Surely I can’t be that important to the success of the mission.”

Tanner plowed his fingers through his hair, apparently annoyed that she didn’t just go along with his plan. But none of this made sense.

“It’s complicated,” he hedged.

Her fury kindled again. “Don’t let my simple mind stop you from giving an explanation your best shot.”

He held up a hand in protest. “I didn’t mean it that way. There’s just some things that I can’t tell you.”

She gritted her teeth to the count of five in hopes of slowing her anger’s ascent. It didn’t work. “Well, tell me what you can.”

“Arad has served a purpose in the past.”

Disbelief shook her. “So the CIA deals in terrorists? Let them live as long as they serve a purpose. Please, no wonder you guys got your hands slapped after-”

“I told you,” he interrupted pointedly, “that there were certain parts I had to leave out. A perfectly logical explanation regarding his status is one of those things you don’t have clearance for.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

“He’s gotten too powerful, too arrogant. We need him out of the picture.”

“So you people can’t do this?” Ami deadpanned. “You need me-a civilian-to do it for you?” She looked heavenward in exasperation.

“Again,” he said, his patience clearly thinning, “it’s not that simple. And you’re not merely a civilian.”

Apprehension welled inside her. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. Things between her and Michal were-as Tanner so eloquently put it-complicated.

“When this goes down, no one can know we’re responsible. The setup with you is perfect.” Tanner splayed his hands as if the answer were clear. “Think about it. Everyone knows you betrayed him two years ago, now you’re back. It won’t come as any surprise if he comes up dead with you hanging around again.”

Ami felt certain he had no idea how his words affected her. Her whole body rejected the idea…but some brain cell connected to long-term memory that had lain dormant for two long years suddenly went active and she knew Tanner was right. “So it’s true, I did betray him?”

Tanner’s guard came up. “We’ve been over this before. You went undercover to set up Yael Peres. You used Arad to accomplish that and left him to face the Israelis’ wrath. That he escaped was pure luck.”

She searched his eyes, looking for any indication that he was lying to her. “Why did I do that? Set up Peres, I mean?”

Tanner shifted, his impatience palpable now, his gaze averted. “We’ve been over that part, too,” he said crisply.

“No.” Ami waited until he looked at her again. “Not that part. I need to know why the CIA wanted Peres out of the way.”

His anger resurfacing, Tanner’s jaw hardened. “Because he was secretly using his influence in the Israeli government to undermine Israeli-U.S. relations.” He had to pause a moment to contain his emotions. She saw the muscle jerking rhythmically in his jaw, saw the vein throb on his forehead. He took a deep breath and continued, “If you watch the news you know how vital that relationship is. We can’t let anything jeopardize it.”

She nodded. Even she could see the necessity in that. But Michal… An ache banded around her chest at even the thought of having anything to do with hurting him. She knew she shouldn’t feel that way. He was a terrorist. A kidnapper. A murderer.