S Bolton: Sacrifice

Just as we hit the twenty-foot-high granite stack.

As the boat swerved, I'd fallen to the floor of the cockpit; the force of the impact threw me back against the wheel, jarring my shoulders and nearly knocking me out. Through eyes that could barely see I watched Stephen Gair fly towards me. His eyes held mine and in that split second I saw fury, then fear, as he sailed through the air and crashed hard against the steering wheel. I heard a crack that I knew must be bone breaking and made myself turn to face him as he collapsed over the wheel. Then the freewheeling motion of the boat sent him over again, to land slumped in the stern of the boat.

I took hold of the wheel and dragged myself up. I pulled myself around it, close to Gair. He was starting to move, to lift his head up from the deck. Bracing myself against the wheel I kicked out; my foot connected and he slid backwards. His hand shot out and grabbed my ankle. I held the wheel with both hands, lifted my other foot and jumped on his wrist. He let go and I kicked again. He slid further back and I kicked him again, this time connecting with his face, sickened that I was capable of such violence but unable to stop. I pushed one last time with both feet. I fell down into the stern as he slid overboard.

I don't know how long I knelt there, staring down at the wash. I think I even considered rolling overboard myself. Realistically, it could only have been a few seconds before I realized the boat was spinning out of control. I crawled back into the cockpit and reached for the button that would switch the engines off. The engines died and their sound faded into the night. The boat was still moving with the wind and the tide, but no longer careering around madly. And that was it, absolutely it, nothing more I could do. I collapsed down, leaning against the steering wheel, wondering where help might come from. Whether there was any real possibility of it doing so.

Then Dana's face appeared in the companionway. She saw me, but still didn't seem able to speak. Then she disappeared and I wondered if she'd fallen. I wanted to go and help her; I think I even tried to stand up, but I couldn't do it. I wanted to cry, too, but I didn't even have the energy for that.

Then something appeared over the top of the companionway steps. A tangle of canvas straps and metal. It was a life jacket – they'd been stored on one of the shelves around the main cabin. I watched and another appeared. Then a third.

'Tora, come on. Get one of these things on yourself.' I could barely hear Dana's voice, so feeble did it sound against the wind. Reaching up, I took hold of the wheel and managed to pull myself up on to all fours. I crawled round the wheel and across the cockpit floor. My leg was throbbing again and I tried not to think about it; to concentrate only on getting to the steps.

A hand appeared, a woman's arm. I reached out and grabbed it. I had no strength but I held on as I fell backwards and a woman collapsed over the top of the steps. Her dark hair fell forward, covering her face. I pulled again and heard Dana grunt as she pushed from below. The dark-haired woman came up over the steps and landed on top of me. I pushed her to one side. It was Freya, the younger of the two. Her eyes opened briefly, she stared at me then closed them again and sank back against the cockpit seat.

I heard Dana's voice calling 'Tora', saw a movement at the steps, more hands on the rails. Odel was climbing up by herself. She looked weak, barely able to focus, and I guessed Dana was pushing her up. I reached out for her hand as she staggered up, over the steps and into the cockpit. She gasped at the cold and almost fell against me.

Somehow I managed to stand up and stumble to the steps. I reached out and took hold of Dana's arm. She came up surprisingly easily and I helped her climb over the last step. As the wind hit her she started shivering violently. Below, I could see the cabin floor was underwater and it was rising fast. Gair had said we would have ten minutes once water started to flood the boat.

Dana's eyes met mine. 'Life jackets,' I gasped, looking at Freya and Odel. Dana – sensible, practical Dana – was already wearing hers. She nodded and passed one to me. I managed to pull it over my head and fasten the metal buckle. Dana helped me pull jackets over the other two and then I inflated all of them and switched on the small lights that would give anyone searching for us just the ghost of a chance.

Water was breaking over the stern now and all four of us were sitting in an icy pool. Spray was soaking us, filling the cockpit every few seconds, hastening our descent. There was no time for the life raft, even if I could find it. I grabbed four harnesses and clipped our life jackets together at the waist. Sink or swim, we were doing it together.

'Can you stand up?' I yelled at Dana.

'I think so,' she managed, and together we struggled to our feet. Odel was able to stand with us and between us we supported Freya. Her eyes were darkening – she was sinking again. I climbed on to the seat and then the side deck. Dana followed, then Odel, and we dragged up Freya. Stumbling, grasping at anything that looked firm, we made our way to the stern of the rocking boat until we were all standing, looking down at the motionless propeller. I unclipped the rail and held tight to one of the stanchions.

'We have to jump,' I shouted, wrapping my other arm tightly around Freya's waist and looking at Dana and Odel to make sure they understood. 'I'll give the signal.'

Dana nodded. Odel was struggling to keep her eyes open but Dana wrapped one arm tightly round her and grasped a stanchion with the other.

I lowered myself on to the top step. We'd left Tronal far behind and there was no land close enough for swimming to be an option. Waves were now washing over my feet. I turned back, almost lost my balance and nodded to Dana.

'After three,' she gasped. 'One, two, three, go!'

We leaped through the air and hit the silky smooth welcome of the ocean. Stars sparkled all around us as we sank lower and the blackness below reached up its arms and carried us down. I felt no cold, no pain, no fear, had no sense of the women around me, although I knew they were there.

I was filled with a sense of peace, of finality; it wasn't so bad after all, this dying business, just sinking into silent, velvet-soft darkness.

But the will to live is wonderfully tenacious and I felt my legs moving, making swimming motions. Then the ancient laws of physics kicked in and the air in our jackets began to rise upwards, taking us with it. The surface broke around our faces like shattering glass and the salty night air leaped into my lungs. I reached out for Dana, found her hand and thought I saw the glint of her eyes as they met mine. Odel and Freya were just dark shapes in the water.

I could hear an engine again and knew that someone was close. I tried to summon up fury that we'd been through so much, only to be picked up by the second Tronal boat, but couldn't do it. I didn't care.

The sound of the engine grew loud, almost deafening, but I had no sense of where it was coming from. I looked across at Dana and thought I saw her gazing upwards, a second before we were bathed in light.

When I opened my eyes again, I started screaming.

I WAS IN A SMALL, CREAM-PAINTED ROOM, WITH FLOWER-PRINTS on the walls and a door opening on to a private bathroom. I was back on Tronal, chained to a narrow hospital bed. My screams echoed through the building.

The door to the corridor slammed open and a nurse ran in, followed by an orderly and then a young doctor. They clustered round my bed, making soothing noises, trying to settle me back down again. I'd been sitting up. I looked down at my wrists. No shackles encircled them. I tried to move my legs. One of them moved easily, the other was too stiffly wrapped in bandages. No sign of chains. There was another bed in the room, but I couldn't see who was in it; the nurse was standing in the way.