Andy McNab - War torn

'What did they say?'

'That a soldier in the regular army had died during the ambush. Then Adi rang to say who. I was shocked, Dave. But the first thing I thought was: thank God it wasn't you.'

'You liked Jamie,' he said.

'Yeah. A lot.'

'Who's with Agnieszka?'

'No one. I tried. But she's sort of frozen. It must be the shock.'

'No one's there! Not even her bloke?'

'She said she wanted to be left alone. So Adi's taken Luke and I think the Families Officer's going back soon. Dave, listen, I want to call the baby after Jamie. Do you think Jamie's an OK name for a girl these days?'

'I don't know. At the moment it just makes me think of Jamie.'

'Some people spell it J-a-i-m-e for a girl.'

'Let me think about it.'

'Dave. Are you all right?'

Dave felt a stabbing pain in his chest area. There was a long silence. Jamie's silence, again.

'Not sure,' he said at last.

'I always knew he was your favourite.'

'We're not supposed to have favourites.'

'But sometimes people do. And Jamie was yours.'

'He was badly wounded but he didn't die at first so I let myself hope for a few minutes. Even though I knew there wasn't a chance.'

'You were right to hope,' said Jenny. 'Miracles can happen.'

'Not this time. He was so badly maimed that it was probably better not to live.'

'He would have wanted to live for Agnieszka.'

'She's a bitch.'

'Oh, Dave, she's really suffering. And we don't know for sure she was messing about.'

'She had another bloke. And Jamie knew about it too. Because she told him.'

'No!'

'Jen, he had a mobile phone here. It's unbelievable that Jamie would take a risk like that. But he did. I found it. And there was a message on it from her, which he must have got just before he died. Saying she loved someone else.'

There was a long silence.

'Jen?'

'He had that mobile phone because she asked him to and because he loved her a lot.'

'Yeah, and she loved him so much she sent him a message like that.'

'No! Agnieszka didn't send it to him.'

Dave suddenly grew suspicious.

'You knew he had that phone?'

'It was the Taliban who sent the message. Agnieszka never would have done it.'

'But the Taliban didn't know she was messing about!'

'She might not have been! The Taliban didn't know anything about her, they just wanted to hurt him. And he read it and believed it…'

'How the fuck do you know about all this, Jenny?'

'Don't be angry with me, Dave. I promised not to tell you before. But now Jamie's dead, I suppose I can.'

The time to leave the FOB drew near. Taregue Masud made lemon meringue pie by popular request. People cemented friendships and gave each other addresses and phone numbers. Men who had argued or fought with each other suddenly became mates. Posters were swapped, photos traded, and Masud did a roaring trade in Sin City T-shirts. The OC announced that Martyn was inviting the whole company to dinner at a London hotel soon after their return.

They were scheduled to depart in the afternoon. The men piled their stuff on their cots ready to grab it when the helicopter landed. Some were taking a last look around FOB Sin City. They saw the advance party of the company who were replacing them huddled by the wagons looking miserable, pale and lost.

'We were like that six months ago,' said Angus. 'I reckon I was a different person back then.'

Finn said: 'I think I'm going to miss this place.'

'I know I will,' said Angus. 'I don't want to go. It's like leaving home. 'Specially because it won't be the same now.'

Sin City was to remain an FOB but there would be no more civilians. The oil project was abandoned, Taregue Masud was leaving with R Company and the number of troops here were to be doubled.

'What you going to say to your old man when you get back, then?' Finn asked Angus. 'Going to tell him that his boss from the Jedi still cooks a fucking good lemon meringue pie?'

'Nah. I'm keeping my mouth shut. He wants to be a war hero, so let him be. It costs me nothing.'

Finn nodded. 'Big of you, Angry. I think you got bigger since you came here. Come on, let's have one last sniff of the Cowshed so we'll remember the whiff for ever.'

They passed Mal.

'Feeling nostalgic, mate?'

'I'm thinking about women. Women with curves who don't walk around wearing sheets wrapped all over their bodies. And I'm just wondering how quickly I can pull.'

'Tell the birds you're a war hero. That should do it.'

'You going straight up to Manchester?' asked Angus.

Mal shook his head. 'Nah. My family reckons it's better for me to stay in barracks and they'll come down and see me.'

Angus brightened. 'You hanging around in barracks, too? I was thinking of doing that.'

They looked at each other and grinned.

'We can go out on the pull together then,' said Mal. 'What you doing, Finny?'

'I'll go and see which of my babymothers has got room for me. That's probably the bed where I'll start. After that, who knows?'

They got to the Cowshed and found Streaky and Binns there.

'Come to inhale the last whiff?' asked Mal.

'Mmm,' said Streaky, breathing deeply. 'If they could only bottle it.'

'Think we'll come back here? On our next tour?' asked Binns.

They looked at each other. No matter how much they wanted to go home, a part of them didn't want to leave this strange place. Although no one would admit it.

'Yeah, maybe,' said Angus. 'Maybe we will come back here.'

They heard the throb of rotor blades.

'Come on, come on, come on,' roared Sol's voice at the door. 'What are you all doing here? Get your kit and get out to that Chinook!'

'Here we go!' said Mal, taking a last look around. 'This is it.'

When the Chinook finally took off, the men were silent. Dave felt as though he was leaving Jamie behind in this desolate place. Or maybe its desolation had crept inside him and he was taking it with him. He looked down at the base's right angles, etched in the desert landscape in hesco. He saw the shining gym equipment, the thick mud walls, the tents, the isoboxes, the hardware and all the men of the incoming company racing to grab the best cots. It was raining when their plane touched down in the UK. As the men disembarked they felt its soft patter on their faces and the coolness of the breeze in their hair. The weather here was kind and forgiving. It didn't want to pin you to the ground or whip you into exhaustion or scrape at the inside of your throat or fry you all day and then freeze you all night. The damp air of Brize Norton was the climate of home and it welcomed them.

It took a long time for their baggage to come through. Dave watched his men's faces as they waited and waited by the circling carousels. They hardly moved. They were expressionless. He'd personally switched himself off, like a TV, to make the journey bearable. He wanted to be at the FOB. And then he wanted to be home. He didn't want the bits in between. He hadn't even wanted a few days in Cyprus.

The carousels sprang into life and so did the men. There were a few goodbyes. CSM Kila was saying a fond farewell to the monkey woman. And the boss was all over the other one, the Intelligence Corps girl.

Kila caught up with Dave when they were loading the last bags onto the bus and a few lads were having a quick cigarette before boarding.

'Think you'll see her again?' asked Dave.

'She's gone up to Edinburgh. And guess what, I've got family in Glasgow. So we'll be meeting next weekend!'

Kila raised his eyebrows suggestively. Dave laughed at him.

'Good luck, mate.'

They boarded. Everyone was given a can of beer. They drank it in silence. The bus started to go and Dave sensed how restless and worried the men were. People had been phoning and writing to their loved ones for six months, yearning for their families and the luxuries of home and now, thought Dave, after all that longing, it was about to happen. And it was terrifying.