S Rozan - Absent Friends

Tom says, They have him at the station, he's making a statement. That's what the cops said. They said he gave them the gun.

The gun? Jimmy feels stupid, he doesn't understand anything.

When he said he'd get rid of it, with the cans? He didn't. He gave it to them. He told them it's his.

Why?

Jesus, Jim. Why do you fucking think?

Shit, says Jimmy. He knows why. He wants to say, So he can be a fucking hero, so he can save your ass. And mine. This is Markie, climbing a tree without thinking how he's going to get down, like always, like always.

But Jimmy can't say this to Tom, because Marian's watching him, her eyes wide now because she knows for sure something bad's going on. Her hand is in his, like she wants to help him, like whatever the bad thing is, it'll be better if the two of them know about it together.

Jim? says Tom.

What?

Marian's there with you?

Yes, Jimmy says.

Say I called to tell you about… about Jack. Don't say anything else. I got to find out what's going on. I got to think, what to do.

Jimmy nods as though Tom could see him. He puts the phone down, turns to Marian, but he can't say anything, he just looks at her and then suddenly wraps his arms around her, holds her close.

She's warm, and he's so cold.

Now it's morning, the sun's pouring down on Jimmy and Markie and Tom in the car, but Jimmy's still cold.

They didn't arrest Markie last night, they let him go home because the way he told the story about shooting Jack, it was self-defense and there's nothing to say it wasn't. The cops all know Markie, the cops all know everyone in Pleasant Hills, they know Markie has a kid, they don't see him going anywhere. Markie's grinning.

See, he says, it's what I figured. I'm an upstanding citizen. They believed me. Everybody'll believe me. It was an accident, it was because he was shooting at me. This way you guys are cool, and even, no one thinks it was Eddie, so there's no war. Your guys, Tom, yours and Big Mike's, they don't go after Eddie's guys, and Eddie's guys don't come back over here. Nobody gets popped, man. Everybody's cool.

You're fucking crazy, Jimmy says again, and he knows this thing Markie's doing, it's wrong; but he's thinking about how they didn't arrest Markie, thinking maybe, just maybe, this is wrong but it could be a good answer.

Then Tom, who's been quiet since he got in the car, Tom says, The gun.

No, says Markie, grinning wider, like he thought of this, too. No, it's okay. I wiped it. I wrapped my hand on it like I shot it. Even if they find your prints on it, Tom, I'll say I showed it to you a couple days ago. Everything's cool.

The gun's not registered, says Tom.

So? Markie says.

Markie, man, even if they buy the whole rest of it, Tom says, they'll still send you up for the gun.

But, says Markie, and his grin wobbles. What do you mean? Just the gun?

Yeah, says Tom. He closes his eyes, leans on the backseat like he's too tired to say anything else.

But, says Markie again. But I'm clean. I'm an upstanding citizen.

Tom's eyes open. He jerks forward. Christ, where have you been? he shouts. It's their big thing. Get the guns off the street! You were just carrying it and they caught you, maybe you might get off, suspended sentence, whatever, you're so fucking upstanding. You shoot someone with an unlicensed gun, self-defense, it doesn't matter, you're fucked. They'll send you up for it, sure as shit.

Everything's silent, the trees aren't even rustling, the birds aren't singing.

Then Markie says, How long?

What?

For the gun. How long?

Markie, fuck, you're not serious, says Jimmy.

Tom starts to say something. Then he stops. He keeps staring at Markie, but his face changes. He seems to Jimmy like maybe he's seeing something different from what he thought he was.

Tom says, First offense, no priors? Good lawyer, sixteen months. Behave inside, you're out in five.

Okay, says Markie.

What the fuck? says Jimmy.

Five months, Markie says. He swallows, looks down quickly. Because listen. Because now I said I did it. If I say I didn't, they'll want to know why I said it in the first place. They'll want to know who I'm-what I know. What the hell can I say?

Jimmy wants to say, Dammit, Markie, you should've thought of that before. But what's the point? Markie never thought ahead in his life, why would he do it now?

Markie says, Tom goes down for this, he's fucked for good. I mean, years, he'll spend years inside.

Markie looks at Tom, and Tom nods.

That fucks Vicky, too, says Markie, and the kids, Mikey and the baby you got coming. And your mom, look what happens to her. And Jimmy? Jimmy, anyone finds out you were there, you're fucked, too.

Everything Markie just said is right. Still. Jimmy shakes his head, says to Markie, No.

Jimmy? says Markie. It's not your choice.

Markie looks at Tom, and Tom looks at Markie. Jimmy can see they're saying something between themselves, without any words.

Then Tom says, Maybe I can fix it. He nods. I can talk to some guys.

It sounds like Tom's trying to make them feel better by telling them that, but Jimmy thinks it's not him and Markie he's really talking to.

Just, says Tom, to make sure they don't charge Markie with anything except the gun. I can do that. My guys can. And, Markie, man, I swear, if it doesn't work like that, if they throw anything else at you, or the sentence is long, any shit like that, I swear to God I'll come clean, man. I swear it.

Wait, says Jimmy. But like last night, he doesn't know what he's asking Tom to wait for. You guys are nuts, says Jimmy. You can't. You're crazy.

I want to. Markie's voice is quiet. I want to save people, one time. I want to be Superman, just once. Jimmy, you do it all the time. You always did it. Just one time, I want to do it.

But Sally and Kevin, says Jimmy.

It'll be better, says Markie, it'll be better for me with them, if I always know, from now on if I always know I did this. I saved people, one time.

Jimmy's sticky with sweat. He doesn't know what to say. He keeps thinking of words to use, then seeing how they'll mess things up, trip him up, make it worse. The sun crawls higher in the sky. The other side of the backseat, the place next to Tom where Jack should be, the sun's glaring off the vinyl there because there's nothing to stop it.

And Jimmy's thinking, Jack.

If Jack knew what Markie was doing, Jack would slap Markie on the back, say, Markie, man, I knew you had balls!

If Jack knew about this, thinks Jimmy, Jack would love it.

February 16, 1980

Markie's dead.

Jimmy doesn't know what to do. It's like he knows what the words mean, but he still doesn't understand them.

Jimmy remembers hearing the words, the first time was two days ago. He remembers answering the phone, it's Sally, she's crying and telling him. He tells Marian, and the two of them run, pulling their coats on they run on the sidewalk. There's a cop at Sally's, a guy named Rosoff, Jimmy knows him a little, the way a fireman knows a cop. He came to tell Sally, and he stayed until someone could come, but he sure looks glad he can leave now.

What happened? Jimmy asks, and Sally sits there crying with Marian's arms around her and tells them. Markie got into a fight with some guy, the guy told Markie to do something and maybe Markie didn't do it fast enough or maybe he did it and that made the guy even madder, but anyway he stabbed Markie, and now Markie's dead.

Jimmy remembers that, Sally telling that story, Sally crying. He remembers everything that happened, everything everyone said, every minute all day as people came and went. Sally's family, friends, the neighbors.