Thomas O`Callaghan - The Screaming Room

“Cedric, what brings you into my den of data?” Leticia cooed, eyes fixed on a computer monitor.

“Duty calls and I am a slave to my job.”

“Slavery was abolished. No?”

“Not at the New York City Police Department. We’re just not shackled anymore.”

Leticia allowed her eyes to drift upward to the meet the detective’s gaze.

“So, what’ll it be today?”

“I’m looking for twins, where the pair is listed as identical yet of opposite sex.”

“You mean fraternal.”

“That’d be too easy. We’ll stick with identical twins of opposite sex.”

“Never knew they existed. But you’re the boss. There’d likely be medical records. I don’t suppose you’ve got a judge’s order to authorize such a search.”

“I’d need fifty. We’ll be checking from Maine to California.”

They both knew the U.S. Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996, commonly referred to as HIPPA, and a long list of state regulations forbid unauthorized access to an individual’s medical record. They knew of no exceptions.

“Any leeway under the Patriot Act?” Leticia asked.

“We’re not after terrorists. At least, I hope we’re not.” Thomlinson gave Leticia a sympathetic smile.

“Damn! I know that look. You want me to do another news article search.”

“’Fraid so. Can’t jeopardize the investigation with an unlawful inquiry.” Thomlinson hoped that someone, the twin’s parents, a local support group, a camp counselor, a teacher, or the twins themselves, before embarking on a life of crime, might have brought their uniqueness to the attention of the press. Rarity attracts the curious. The curious buy newspapers. The publisher of Guinness Book of World Records, who has raked in millions on such exclusivity for decades, proves that. Privacy guidelines being what they were, it was his only hope.

“Damn!” Leticia hated searching newspaper archives. There was no fixed database. It meant hunt and peck through a string of Web sites featuring hieroglyphic-like listings from thousands of papers across the country. From the Oshkosh Gazette to the New York Times, the stories spanned the early 1900s through the present day. What made the task tedious was that the keywords entered came back hidden, though highlighted, in gibberish.

To dramatize the point, Leticia tapped her fingers across the keyboard, producing this:

• THE DAILY ESQUIRE, Ross tfes dskk..,, /;’ uu % 16, 1973 Page un

• Barrelll ill, Rfesmen set Tagge’s inry • gge ir Twins two wins not synergy • Lutb; lltl e’s feeet and tvevvvvh 13th complete gamp an • amp;:::: andell’s wfwfwfees choice vvcdonsin jjids used single • a9werfifth wdffaaslam home | four-hitter thiqdnadmjijd seven loaded the bases in Surdaj’s tallies in the second and iith aa • run ofawfffffaju75tgdgdrst \ strikeoutssareeagbw eJohn fourth inning andwrrw stanzas toegdn the Satgrday GRrrf B^Y, rvrj (gPdf-cafgff fiff sasresgrorhh4h hbrgr55t5t 7hgert4rrefr34rr tthju • ferewff fwer fgrgre333fvfefdfdde deeefddetrhtyyhuegt ssd fee reeee333 rerefett4rrsrre rereref • 3fr5g Raptts, lo\\grtew Twins seven games behinffggfee e wwfr3co grfrr r and ler rn’t seri rrw wurt grme were Uewiueiwweir huhi ew#%YYY amp;$$#EI ›››› UGGY YTTGYuyguhhuh huii • Jujjsjssjsdsd qw w wwwwwww hh loss to Floridae first half • Hsaa jjjj kqqeqhqiw edwo wkkl Twins?? iUUtle 111dfeenda ree walks and a ssssed bsll) bael m two of the hrcc 4c44!@#inced T gtbdj ewwe wwewee233 rff feererwere8884 rirjjijjij%$##Hdefweirrjwkefwe • Twins b erf e ww 44 2 the top of the inning amp; amp; amp; uihjiuhuwef wwww errfet5y ttrtyyeast gonee jjjj because jdfj kfwjejfmm •»ir,,,. ^ Lr4$$ u dd0033 uu 3^^^nuj 88C uuu››››› – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – 7 77ggyg 3@@4g • Galsolie rr Ethl ge • Jjjyh yt amp;…jhgu’’’PP btt?///? ujhhjuiuiuiu

She grabbed Thomlinson’s index finger and used it to poke at the four highlighted Twins she had unearthed. “You see them? You think we’re gonna have better luck when we type in ‘Turner’?” What came next was placing the cursor on each Twins and depressing both the CTRL and ESC keys, bringing them to mostly remote news articles referencing twins. It appeared that most were about the playing prowess of the Minnesota Twins. “You, Cedric Franz Thomlinson, are goin’ nowhere till this is done! You got that?”

Yes! cheered Thomlinson. “I won’t budge,” is what he told her.

Leticia stared at the screen and shook her head. “How far back do you wanna go?” she asked, surrendering to fate.

Thomlinson grinned and awarded her a vial of Visine.

“Cute.”

“Keep it within the United States. For now. And give the Guinness Book of World Records a sweep while we’re at it. Disregard anyone who would now be over sixty or under twelve.”

Leticia started counting on her fingers. “A math whiz, I’m not,” she said, catching Thomlinson’s grin

“Since there’s no way to detect newborns as being identical, I’m hoping for an entry later in life. It’s a long shot, but under the circumstances, our only shot.”

Manicured fingertips danced across the keyboard, turning the computer’s screen into a kaleidoscope of newsprint.

After five hours and forty-six minutes of squinting, moving on, and squinting again, their zigzagging cross-country cyberjaunt produced four possibilities. Onetime residents of Ohio, Arkansas, Georgia, and West Virginia would now become the focus of Thomlinson’s investigation.

Leticia clicked PRINT, and the pair watched as their nearly six hours of arduous labor filled one sheet.

The Gem City Chronicle Dayton, Ohio: February 4, 1967

Proud parents, Helene and Paul Matthews of St. Finbar’s parish applaud vigorously as unique identical twins, John and Kathleen, take a curtain call after their school’s performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Southern District Gazette DeWitt, Arkansas: June 29, 1964

Dwayne and Ernestine Parkins mourn the loss of their two-year-old daughter, Connie May. She is also survived by grandparents, Sonia and Sunny-Bob Peters, Claire and Leroy Parkins, and identical twin brother James. In lieu of flowers the family asks that donations be made in Connie’s name to the March of Dimes.

The Bibb County News Macon, Georgia: January 4, 1987

Education: Twins magazine reporters expected to arrive at Central High on Thursday to interview Tulia and Earnest Gibbons, our fine state’s unique set of identical twins.

The Pendleton Press Franklin, West Virginia: November 1, 1996

Seeing double on Halloween? At St. Elizabeth’s annual jack o’-lantern fund-raiser, the best costume award went to five-year-olds Angus and Cassie Claxonn of Oak Flat, who came as themselves. The youngsters are a rare breed. A set of opposite-sex identical twins. Foster mom, Raven’s Breath, isn’t telling us how that happened. Trick or treat? We’re in the dark on that one.

“Raven’s Breath? What kinda name is that?” said Leticia.

Thomlinson wasn’t sure. “Is there any way of telling where these twins are now?”

“I’ll give it my best shot.”

Leticia cross-referenced the names through every possible entry these twins might have made through life. A kaleidoscope of records was considered. They included twin networking groups and armed forces records, as well as death records. When all was complete, Thomlinson had what appeared to be promising addresses for the Matthews and Gibbons twins. Since Connie May Parkins was dead, James Parkins was in the clear. There was no record of any address for the Claxonn twins. Not even in Oak Flat, West Virginia.

Leticia loaded the collected data on the three sets of viable twins back into the computer. There was one remaining search to consider. Again, her fingers danced across the keys. She was looking to see if any of the six had ever been arrested for a crime. Both she and Thomlinson were left staring at a blank screen.