Dave Zeltserman: Outsourced

As he stared at her he felt himself slipping over the edge. Whatever control he had was gone. At first all he could hear was the blood pounding in his head. After a while he could hear the words that were pouring out of him.

“You got some fucking nerve. Twenty-five years as a software engineer. Last thirteen years you sit on your ass while I’m out there working like a dog. Sometimes putting in sixteen-hour days, seven days a week. And you have the fucking nerve to complain after working for a little over one year. Goddamn you!”

As quickly as the rage had hit him it was gone. Drained, he collapsed back into the chair, dropping his face into his hands.

“I’m so sorry,” he said.

He could hear Carol sobbing next to him.

“Darling, I didn’t even know what I was saying. I guess we’re both on edge, huh? Can you just forget the last few minutes?”

He reached over to touch her shoulder. She moved quickly, knocking his hand away.

“Don’t you dare touch me,” she said, still sobbing, hard lines etching her neck.

Dan sank back into the chair. For a long while all he could do was watch her as she sobbed. Eventually her crying subsided.

“How many times do I have to apologize?” he asked.

“Just leave me alone.”

“You know I didn’t mean any of those things.” He looked away from her. “I love you.”

A good minute passed as she sat still, an internal struggle tightening the muscles around her mouth. “I love you too,” she finally said. “But I’m not like you. I can’t just flip a switch and have everything be okay. I need time to process my feelings.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Just leave me alone right now.”

“All right, sure, if that’s what you want.”

Dan pushed himself out of his chair. He got to the kitchen’s entranceway before Carol called out to him.

“I know some of the things I said to you weren’t fair,” she said. “I know you worked hard for a lot of years while I stayed home with the kids. And I know that you just had that three-month contract, and that you’re trying. But I’m scared right now. I don’t have your sense of optimism. And I just don’t see how we’re going to make it.”

He started to open his mouth but she raised a finger, warning him. “Don’t say everything’s going to be okay. Please! I’ll scream if you say that!”

He wavered, then lifted his hands in a sign of surrender and left the room.

The fight with Carol wiped him out. There was so much blame, so much disappointment simmering inside her. Deep down he knew he still loved his wife, but it was getting so damn hard to be in the same room with her. That would change after he got his cut from the bank robbery. Of course, that was if the robbery was still on. Joel hadn’t made his decision yet and there was still Gordon to talk to. If either of them turned it down, the robbery was dead and finished.

He turned on the set and was surprised to see the ten o’clock news had already started. He remembered he owed Shrini a call.

No one answered. He started to leave a message when Shrini picked up.

“Hey, man,” Dan said, “sorry about the time. I should’ve called you earlier.”

“No problem,” Shrini said in an exaggeratedly serious tone. “I’ve been tied up most of the night working on my cardiovascular.”

Dan heard a girl giggling in the background. “You got company. Damn, I’m really sorry about bothering you now.”

“No problem, dude, we’re taking a break. A well-deserved break, believe me.” There was some more giggling and Shrini left the phone for a moment. When he came back, he said, “Give me a one-word answer, yes or no, so I am not held in suspense all night.”

“The word would have to be maybe. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay, dude, tomorrow.”

Dan sat back in the chair and watched the news for a few minutes, then flipped through the channels until he came to a new reality show called Bank Job. He sat transfixed, not believing what he was watching. The point of the show seemed to be to have the participants plan a bank robbery. The robbery would be staged after two months of planning in a building that used to be a real bank. Everyone would be in on it. There would be no real bullets or anything, but if the members were successful they would get to keep the million dollars that was going to be placed in the vault. Dan just started cracking up. He couldn’t help himself. At some point Carol came in. She looked exhausted as she stood in the doorway.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Dan said, wiping tears from his eyes. “Just this stupid reality show.”

“If it’s stupid, why don’t you turn it off?”

“I will, I just need to veg for a few minutes.”

“I’m going to bed now,” she said. “Would you like to join me?”

“In a little while. I need some more time to clear my head.”

“I’ll meet you upstairs. Could you turn the set down? It’s really loud.”

The volume was barely audible, but he lowered it anyway. He wasn’t sure whether she was becoming hypersensitive to noise or if she was just busting his balls, but they’d been having too many fights as it was.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said. She nodded and left the room.

The eleven o’clock news came on. After that, Dan flipped between the different late night talk shows. Later he found The French Connection on one of the movie channels. Sometime during the movie he drifted off.

The phone woke him the next morning. Groggy, his neck stiff, he realized that he had slept the night on the recliner. He heard Susie answer the phone and then yell out to him.

He pushed himself out of the recliner, his back stiffer than his neck. Hobbling like an old man, he found Susie in the kitchen.

“It’s for you,” Susie said, handing him the handset, her eyes rolled slightly upward to make sure he knew how trying it was having to answer the phone for him.

Joel was on the line. “You took your sweet time,” he complained.

“You woke me up.”

“Woke you up? It’s nine thirty, pal. Look, I’m in Nashua right now. Meet me at ten in the north end of the mall parking lot.”

“Nashua’s a half hour away. I need to take a shower, brush my teeth-”

“I’m at a payphone, I don’t have time for your nonsense. Your breath don’t smell fresh enough for me, guess what, I don’t care. You meet me at the mall parking lot at ten, understand?”

Joel hung up, not bothering to wait for an answer.

Dan placed the handset back on its base. He checked to make sure he had his car keys and wallet on him, and left the house.

Dan spotted Joel leaning against his red Ford Escort. He pulled up and Joel got into the passenger seat.

“First of all, you’re full of shit,” Joel said.

“Nice to see you too.”

“I mean it. If you wanted a software job bad enough then you would’ve found one.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, there are people our age still working in the field,” Joel argued, his mouth compressing into a tight oval.

“Not as many as there used to be. And that’s only because they’re already in their positions. Let’s see them get through today’s interview screening.”

“You’re still full of shit.”

Dan laughed sourly. “You’re sounding a lot like my wife.”

“Yeah, well, she’s a smart girl. Even if she married a schmuck like you.”

“Then why aren’t I working?”

“Because you’re burnt out.” Joel’s eyes narrowed to thin slits as he appraised his friend. “And more than that, you’re pissed off. After everything you’ve done in the industry you’re now at the mercy of these condescending smug little pricks interviewing you. But if you really wanted a job you could retrain yourself and get one.”