Dave Zeltserman - Outsourced

“This is Joel we’re talking about. You’d have to ask him. I’m going to go see the kids and then meet you upstairs.”

As he walked past her he could hear the blood pounding in his head. He had to steady himself against the wall for a moment before he could trust himself to move. He knew Carol was staring at him from behind – he could feel it on the back of his neck. What he didn’t know was whether she suspected something or was just digging. Probably just digging. He tried to remember whether he said anything damning during his phone conversation that she could’ve overheard. Jesus, why’d he have to hurry off to the den like that? He knew Carol well enough to know that it wouldn’t take much to get her curious.

Standing outside his son’s bedroom door, he took a deep breath as he composed himself, then knocked and walked into the room. Gary was lying on the bed watching a baseball game. He turned and smiled sadly. “Hi, Dad,” he said. “Red Sox are losing. Lugo just popped up with the bases loaded and two outs.”

Dan pulled up a chair next to the bed. Gary was ten and physically took after Carol. Small for his age, thin, blond hair, almost feminine good-looking features. Even so, he was a good athlete, playing shortstop for his baseball team. While Dan hoped that Gary would catch up in size, with his good looks and easy-going manner he had no doubt that when his son grew older he was going to do well with the girls no matter what his height ended up being.

He tousled his son’s hair. “I can’t believe how spoiled you kids are getting. Two World Championships in four years. You can’t expect them to win them all.”

Gary grinned widely, said, “Sure I can!”

Dan smiled at his son. “Shouldn’t you be going to bed soon?”

“They’re in the eighth inning. Can’t I wait until the end of the game?”

“What’s the score?”

“Nine to two,” Gary said dejectedly. “But they can still catch up. Let me watch the rest, please?”

“Okay, but right afterwards you go to bed, promise?”

“Promise. Thanks, Dad.”

Dan kissed his son on the forehead. Before leaving, he looked back and watched the concentration on his son’s face as he lay on the bed, eyes glued to the ball game. It touched him that his son could be so passionate about something as simple as a baseball game. With a note of regret, he realized it had been a long time since he had felt anything like that.

Susie must’ve been listening for him because as he was closing Gary’s door she opened hers. She tried to look uninterested as she walked out of her room plugged into her iPod. She stopped and gave him a sullen stare before taking the earplugs out and muttering hello.

“Hi, Princess,” Dan said. “I was just about to knock on your door and see how you were doing.”

“I guess I saved you the trouble,” she said, her bottom lip pushing out, fortifying her sullen appearance. She hesitated for a moment, then asked, “Can you take Julie and me to the beach tomorrow?”

“I can’t, darling. I have to meet with some people tomorrow.”

“Mom says you have an interview at eight in the morning. We could leave later.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to meet with some people after that. Maybe Saturday?”

“Whatever,” she said. Her mouth seemed to shrink as she stared straight ahead. “Julie and I can always take a bus to Salisbury beach.”

“I don’t think so. I don’t want you taking a bus all the way up there by yourselves.”

“How would you stop me? You won’t be home. You’re never home. Even though you’re not working you’re never home.”

She stared at Dan, her eyes challenging him to argue with her, and then she turned on her heels and rushed back into her room, closing the door hard behind her.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. Earlier, he would’ve been eaten up by guilt over having to turn his daughter down so he could plan a bank robbery. Now he just felt nothing inside. He had finally gotten used to the idea of what he was going to be doing. There was no longer any fear, just numbness. More than that, though, he felt committed to it. He had robbed that bank so many times in his mind that he was now anxious to do it in real life. The thought struck him – if he was offered a job, then what? He forced the thought out of his head. He’d cross that bridge when he came to it.

He showered quickly and brushed his teeth before going into the bedroom. Carol was waiting for him, lying on the bed wearing one of his old T-shirts as a nightgown. He got in next to her. She moved closer to him, moving her thigh so it was on top of his, her mouth searching for his mouth, her breath hot, her hands touching his chest. Then her hands moved lower. He tried playing along, but he couldn’t shake the numbness he was feeling. It was almost as if she were trying to get a rise out of a dead man. After a while she gave up. She pushed away from him and turned over on her side.

“Goodnight,” she said, her voice flat.

“I’m sorry, Carol, I guess I just have too much on my mind.”

“It’s been weeks since we’ve even tried doing this.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Forget it. Let’s not talk about it. I’ll make sure you’re up early for your interview. Goodnight.”

Dan closed his eyes. Still nothing but numbness. Not quite peace, but also not the torment he had been routinely suffering each night. No thoughts racing through his mind. No images of the robbery gone bad playing out in his head, no imaginary police sirens, no shootouts, no bloody bodies. Just an emptiness filling him up. After a while not even that.

Carol woke him the next morning. Even after passing out for seven hours in that parking lot, he had still slept soundly through the night. With all the stress he had been under he figured his body needed the extra sleep.

He offered to make breakfast, but Carol insisted on doing it. While he sat at the kitchen table and watched her, he couldn’t help wishing he had time for another shot with her in the bedroom. She looked fresh, relaxed, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, her skirt making her hips look so damn slender. When she brought him a cup of coffee, she let her fingers linger on his hand for a long moment. Her smile was as pretty as any he had seen in years.

“Good luck with the interview,” she said. “I have to head off to work, but call me. Let me know how it goes.”

He nodded and told her he would. She gave him a quick kiss and squeezed his hand. He watched as she left, thinking to himself for the first time in a long time how beautiful she was. It was only seven fifteen. He sipped his coffee. When his cup was empty, he got up and poured himself another one.

At eight o’clock the phone rang. When he answered it a man introduced himself as Martin Phillips. He told Dan he was vice president of Software Development for a new startup that was forming and that he had found Dan’s resume online and was intrigued by all of his software security experience. He hesitated for a moment, then remarked how he couldn’t tell from Dan’s resume how much JAVA programming development experience he had.

“I’ve been learning it on my own,” Dan said.

There was another hesitation from Martin Phillips, then with his voice significantly less cheery than it had been, he said, “So you don’t have five or more years of actual work experience with it?”

For a moment Dan could feel the blood boiling inside him. He heard himself tell Phillips to go fuck himself. There was a momentary silence before the line went dead. Dan stared at the handset, a bare-fanged grimace tightening over his face. Then, as his facial muscles relaxed, he called Carol, reaching her at her desk. He told her the phone interview went well and that he had a second interview scheduled for the following week.