Edward Lee - Slither

Annabelle and Loren suddenly seemed to be squinting over.

"Nora, did you forget to put on sunblock?" Loren asked.

Then Annabelle: "You're looking pretty pink, come to think of it."

An alarm shrieked in Nora's brain. She'd been too busy sabotaging Annabelle, she'd forgotten about herself. She looked with dread to her arms, then her legs, and found herself pink as deli ham. Oh my God! How could I have let this happen?

"I did," she finally admitted. "I forgot to use my block." Then she held up the empty tube, disgusted with her secret.

"You know better than that," Loren told her. "We're marine zoologists, Nora. We're out in the sun ten times more than other people. You've been lying out here for three hours with no block? Of course you'll get burned."

When Nora rubbed her face, even her cheeks hurt. Now I'M the fire truck…

She had a feeling this wasn't going to be one of her better days.

"Loren found a really big nest of the scarlet bristleworms, right in front of an underwater trench and the most fascinating coral configurations," Annabelle informed her next. She spoke with her eyes closed as Loren continued to massage her back. "I got great pictures!"

"Actually it was Nora who found the nest," he at least had the presence of mind to say. "She told us where it was. Thanks, Nora. You were right. We hit the jackpot."

Who gives a shit? Nora glanced, embarrassed, at her pink arms. "That's wonderful. So we can go now?"

"Oh no," Annabelle piped up. "We'll be here a few more days at least. I need pictures of every aspect of the worm's life and its environment. The sun hits the water perfectly at midafternoon. Loren and I need to dive again tomorrow."

It didn't even anger Nora anymore: the way Annabelle excluded her from everything.

"I'm even going to have Loren in a few of the underwater pictures, so his name can go in the article, too."

The only reason I don't bury you, Nora replied in thought, is because I'm too tired to dig the hole.

"And I got plenty more samples for us to catalog for the college," Loren added, "plus some pretty interesting echinoderm fossils that look like they go back to the Cambrian Period."

"The what period?" Annabelle asked.

"Cambrian," Nora answered with no interest. "About sixty million years ago, when invertebrate life was just beginning to soar."

Annabelle was careful not to acknowledge Nora at all. "You also found some other weird things, didn't you, Loren?"

"Couple of translucent megalodae, some multicolored Clitellatas, oh, and a sea potato."

"A sea potato?" the blonde asked, amused. "It's not like a potato we eat, is it?"

Nora smiled. "Yeah, Annabelle. Loren will cook you up some fries in a jiffy."

Loren intervened. "No, it's just called a sea potato. It's actually a sediment-dwelling sea squirt." – -- – -- – -- – - -

Annabelle looked right at Nora and silently mouthed, Kiss my ass. Then she winked.

What gall! For each hour that passed, it occurred to Nora that a conflict would erupt eventually. I guess I shouldn't be getting in any catfights, she realized. The bitch would probably beat me up.

Annabelle rose to her feet and did a long stretch, giving Loren an eyeful. "Thanks for the back rub, Loren. You're a master. But after all that swimming, I think I'll go take a nap." She glanced down to Nora again. "You might want to put some sunblock on Professor Craig, though. She's turning as red as a fire truck."

You would say fire truck. She even steals my analogies.

"Oh, and, Professor? What time will you be cooking that lobster dinner you promised?"

About five minutes after I put my foot up your ass, Nora thought. Instead she just said, "About seven, if that doesn't cramp your sophisticated itinerary."

"Oh, don't worry, it doesn't. See you later!"

A lot later, I hope.

Annabelle traipsed off to the woods.

"What's with all this friction between you and Annabelle?" Loren asked.

"She's just a bossy, arrogant, territorial bitch, that's all. No friction. Women mark their turf, Loren, especially women with implants."

"Oh no, she's natural, she told me."

Nora smiled to herself.

"And there's no reason for the two of you to not get along," he added, fishing in his bag for more sunblock. "We're all in this together, you know."

"Not if you ask her. She treats me like I'm not here."

"You're imagining it. She's actually very nice. Emotionally unfolded, professionally dedicated, and intellectually diversified."

Nora leaned up, squinting outrage. "Loren! She's a ditz with big tits! She's phonier than Al Capone's secret vault. She's a mover, Loren; she uses her body and her sparkling eyes to manipulate men for her personal benefit."

Loren almost got mad-something she'd never seen. "That's harsh and judgmental, Nora. I'm surprised that an academician such as yourself would make such a shallow invective. It almost sounds defensive, even insecure."

Nora laughed. "She's got bigger boobs than me-big deal. I'm not insecure about it. She's more attractive than me, lots of women are, but you know what? I don't care! I could shit care less and whistle Dixie at the same time. But since you're not just my assistantyou're a good friend-I only feel it proper to warn you."

He seemed defiant now, lower lip trembling at the challenge. "Warn me?"

"She's a textbook floozie who's wheeling for you. Don't let her pull the wool over your eyes. Girls like that eat guys up and spit them out like gum when they're done with them. And she'll do it to you if you let her."

Loren glared; now his lower lip was really trembling. "That hurts my feelings, Miss Perfect. I'm glad you have such confidence in my acumen with the opposite sex." His head bowed, almost as if he were about to sob.

Oh, jeez… "Loren, I'm sorry, I only meant-"

His head jerked up in a grin and a loud clap of his hands. "Had you going, moron! Jesus Christ, I know she's a bogus, manipulating, saline-stuffed bitch. I'm just playing Poor Little Infatuated Nerd-Boy so maybe she'll feel sorry for me and give me a sympathy fuck. Believe me, I ain't looking to hold hands in the fucking park with that Paris Hilton wannabe."

Nora signed, relieved. "You're such a tool, Loren."

"Damn right, and a big, big tool at that-like a friggin' roll of cookie dough if you want to know the truth. I'll hump her so hard she'll sound like someone stomping on a squeak-doll."

"Loren!"

"Now shut up and flip over so I can put sunblock on your back. Otherwise you'll get redder than a-"

"Don't say fire truck!" she insisted.

"I was going to say scarlet bristleworm." He grabbed a tube of his own sunblock.

Sputtering, Nora flipped over on her belly. "I guess you're getting to be an expert at this."

"I'm an expert in everything," Loren claimed.

"I feel like chopped liver here."

"Why?"

.You were too busy rubbing all over Barbie, you didn't even stop to think that maybe your boss might need a back rub."

"And what's wrong with chopped liver?" he said, squirting lotion on her back.

She tensed a moment as his hands slid over some sunburned fringes, but then relief began to work in.

Loren chuckled. "I overheard Annabelle talking to a friend on her cell phone, and she referred to me as The Geek."

"Are you sure she wasn't talking about me?"

"Naw, you were Professor Dork."

"How flattering."

"And here's the best part-she's yacking away to her friend and eventually tells her that she's certain you and I are both virgins. How's that for a laugher?"

Nora smoldered and kept silent.

"What? I say something wrong?"

"No, just-"

"I'm no virgin, that's for sure. I've had sex a bunch of times, and my first one was with this foreign exchange student who stayed at my house while my brother went to Sweden. This girl was hot! She even-"