Joe Lansdale - Devil Red

“You don’t have any vodka?”

“No. You already asked.”

“A beer?”

“Nope.”

I had given her a diet soda, and she was sipping it. I was so nervous I was about to vibrate out of the room. She seemed very casual. We had turned off the main lights. She thought it a good idea, in case anyone was watching the house, waiting for it to blow.

The only light on now was the little plastic fish-shaped light plugged into the kitchen outlet over the counter. The light from it stretched into the living room, but it was faint and soft.

“You didn’t get blown up, so they’ll come back,” Vanilla said.

“Are you Devil Red as well as Vanilla Ride?”

“Devil Red,” she said. “That’s a funny name.”

“So is Vanilla Ride.”

“That’s the name I was given,” she said. “Devil Red, that’s made up.”

“But you know who I’m talking about?”

“I do. And we can use that term if you like.”

“Considering you tried to kill me before, you’re awfully pleasant.”

“I’m always pleasant.”

“I’ve seen you less pleasant.”

“Oh, come on, Hap. Let bygones be bygones. We made up, remember.”

“We never quarreled. And still, you tried to kill me.”

“Killing people for money. It’s what I do.”

“Look, Vanilla, my brother may be dying. Someone shot him. Someone is gonna die if I have my way. If that’s you, or whoever-”

“It’s not me. But it is…” She hesitated as she worked the words around in her mouth. “Devil Red.”

“All right, now I know. I just have to find him.”

She looked at me and smiled faintly. “You’re not up to it, Hap. You’re not up to me.”

“So, why are you here? Tell me where I can find Devil Red, and let me get about my business, up to it or not.”

“Don’t you wonder how I knew you were in trouble?”

“It’s not high on my priority list right now.”

“Let’s put it there. Jimson called me.”

By then, of course, I knew that if she had seen me beside the road, that it was her who had given Jimson a visit. But I didn’t let on. I wanted to hear it from her.

“I thought he was afraid of you,” I said.

“He wanted me and him to be friends. He wanted me to know the whole thing about deciding to have me killed was just business.”

“How’d you take that?” I said.

“I understood his position. I understand business. I would probably have just taken the job he was offering me if it hadn’t been you.”

“Why are you so concerned about my welfare?”

She studied me for a moment. “I seem to be infatuated with you.”

“Me?”

“Go figure.”

“I’m just a middle-aged guy going to seed. What’s the attraction?”

“The same your girlfriend Brett has, I suppose. She’s some looker, Hap.”

“You know about her too?”

“I know all kinds of things about you. I’ve made it a point to know. Once I was supposed to kill you, remember? I did my research.”

“Nothing like research,” I said.

“Jimson, he wanted me to kill you and Leonard. I told him I didn’t want to. But not before I went to see him. I was in Shreveport when I got the message through contacts. I was finishing up a little job there. Nicely done, I might add. I told him I’d come see him pretty soon.”

“You got close to Jimson pretty easy. I’d have thought he was nervous about that, considering your past.”

“He had never seen me before. He just contacted me. He knew how to do that through certain parties. I’ve known about his habits for over a year. I keep tabs on my old connections, just in case they decide to be trouble. Anyway, I went there, this little station where he spends time. He didn’t know me. He saw me. He wanted to know me. That happens to me a lot.”

“I bet.”

“Why thank you. He had his two bodyguards with him. I sat down. He bought me a cup of coffee, started his hustle. Thought he might get some tail. And then I told him who I was.”

“How’d he take it?”

“Surprised. I think he expected me to be huskier. He knew Vanilla Ride was a woman, but he had me pegged different.”

“Yeah, you don’t look the part. You look more like a James Bond villain.”

“That’s so sweet. He immediately started saying how trying to have me killed was all business, and could I take care of you and Leonard, since it didn’t work out last time. He offered me double. Do you realize how many pounds of dope and how many whores he’d have to run to pay me as much as he offered me?”

“I don’t know how much he offered.”

Vanilla smiled. When she did, she almost looked like a cherub. “Let’s just say it was a lot.”

“All right, let’s say that,” I said. “So how’s this story end?”

“Quit pulling my leg, Hap. I said I passed you. You were there. You know how it ends. I told them no, and then I shot them all.”

“All of them?”

“You know that too. But, just in case you like to hear it. All of them.”

“You shot the thin man first, didn’t you?” I said.

“I did. He’s the one that actually looked like trouble. But no. He wasn’t any trouble at all. He was quick, but I was quicker. Then I shot Jimson, and then I shot the big man with all the muscles. For the hell of it, I shot the guy behind the counter. The coffee he brought me sucked.”

“Yeah, coffee there isn’t too good,” I said. “Didn’t that cause a stir, all that shooting?”

“No one else was in the place. Lucky for them. A twenty-two is pretty quiet compared to a larger gun. I didn’t have a silencer. I’ve used them for some guns, but not this one. Doesn’t work well on it. Four shots. Four dead, and I was out of there.” She sat up straight when she told me that, like a proud girl in class who had just answered a hard question.

“You did that for me?”

“I did it for me. I didn’t like him. And I didn’t want to shoot you and Leonard. Leonard, maybe. But you, no.”

“So you were supposed to come after us for Jimson. And Devil Red is after us because we’ve been snooping.”

“That’s pretty much it,” she said. “But you got this figured. I can tell the way your eyes light up.”

“I know some of it,” I said, “but a lot of it is guesswork.”

She nodded. “Jimson put Devil Red on you two as well. He wanted me for backup. The whole thing is he wanted me and Devil Red on you guys because you were so hard to kill last time.”

“For that I refuse to apologize.”

“This time Leonard was easy for Devil Red.”

“He dropped his guard,” I said. “He had shopping for cookies on his mind.”

“He’s tough, and so are you, but this isn’t his profession, and it’s not yours. Me, it’s what I do.”

“I bet your mother is proud.”

“I wouldn’t know. Way I think Jimson had it planned is he also hired Devil Red to take me out. I don’t think he forgave as easy as he said, business or not. He was scared of me.”

“And for good reason.”

“He told me to take out Devil Red. So I think he thought he’d get rid of one connection one way or another. If it left Devil Red, not so bad. He didn’t have an ugly history there. If it left me, well, he paid me off and he probably thought that would soothe things over between us and he wouldn’t be worried about looking over his shoulder for me. He probably thought if Devil Red was out of the picture, that would just be one less connection to him. In time, maybe he thought he’d get me.”

“So, I’m not worth as much as you led me to believe. It was a combination job.”

“Pretty much. But still, you and Leonard, you were worth a lot. You can take some pride in that.”