Leah Braemel - Personal Protection

The door to the back room opened and Rosie appeared, her arms jammed on her hips. He relaxed to see her unharmed, unbound.

“Rosie, thank God you’re safe.” Desperation mixed with relief filled his voice. “I’m sorry if I got angry the other night.”

This morning she would have accepted his apology at face value. But she couldn’t now she knew the significance of his ring. That awareness created an ache in her heart, in her soul. Chad moved Thalia back to where Cooper stood so they no longer blocked her from Sam, but Rosie stayed where she was.

“Now that we know there’s no real stalker, you can move back in and we-”

“No. Sam.” The ache in her heart became a knife sharp pain. She blinked away the tears and held her head high. “I’m not moving back in with you. At least, not yet.”

Not while you wear that ring. Not until I come first.

He shook his head and tugged at the restraints then gave up with a sigh. “Look, I know I’ve been an ass lately. I know I reacted badly the other night but-”

“I’m not prepared to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me as much as I love them.” She wrapped her arms about her stomach. Andy put his hand on her shoulder, steadying her. “It hurts too much, Sam. Even if it’s only us in the room, I feel like there’s still going to be another person between us.”

“I don’t think of Jill when I’m with you, Rosie. You have to believe me, I love you.”

Why couldn’t you have said “I love you” last night. When you weren’t handcuffed and shackled and under duress?

“When we were making love,” her voice wavered so she took a couple of breaths before she felt steady enough to continue. “Sam, when you touch me and you’re wearing that ring, are you thinking of her?”

“No.”

“Then why do you still wear it?”

He looked away from her. “I couldn’t get rid of it. It’s all I had left of her.”

“Oh, Sam. Thalia is right. I hoped she wasn’t, but she is, isn’t she? Jill’s been between us every minute of every day. She’s been in every conversation we’ve had and every decision you’ve made.”

“What do you want of me? I can’t just stop loving someone like you’d flip off a light switch. What would that say of how I feel about you?”

What did he feel? she wanted to scream. Where am I in your life compared to Jill? Will I always be second? How much longer before you let go of her and see me standing right in front of you?

“I’ve never lost anyone I care about like that, Sam, so I can’t begin to understand how much losing Jill must have hurt. I’m not expecting you to forget her. But she died eight years ago. If we’re to have a chance, if that’s where we’re headed, you’ve got to put the past in the past. And if you can’t, well, I’m not prepared to come second to a ghost in any relationship.”

“What are you saying, Rosie?”

“I’m saying I love you, but I’m not convinced you’re ready to love me the way I deserve to be loved, the way I need to be loved.” She drew another deep breath, shuddering as she did, conscious of how quiet the room had become, of everyone’s eyes on her. “I’m saying good-bye, Sam.”

Before he could say another word, before she could change her mind, she walked out of the room. Out of his life.

It was as if someone had taken a vacuum and sucked all the light out of the apartment, all the air. Everywhere he looked he saw Rosie. If he sat in the living room, he remembered making love to her in front of the fireplace, of her standing naked in front of the window calling him Master. Of watching the football games, Rosie catcalling the umpires if they made a call she disagreed with, doing little dances when her beloved Jets scored a touchdown. How she’d stood in his arms in the kitchen, trembling with aftershocks after he’d made her come. Or even just the times they’d worked in a companionable silence making dinner.

And his own bedroom? He’d not find another night’s sleep in that bed.

Even the spare bedroom reminded him of when she’d lain beneath him that night he’d acted on impulse and admitted his attraction. He could still feel her writhing beneath his touch, still taste her sweet honey on his tongue, still hear her moans echoing in his chest.

He stared at the ring he’d placed on the coffee table. By keeping it, by wearing it, had he used it to keep Jill alive? Had he created his own personal albatross?

Yet taking it off had been like losing Jill all over again. As if he were to say he hadn’t loved her, that she didn’t matter. And that seemed wrong too.

The doorbell rang. Must be one of his neighbors since the front desk hadn’t called to announce any visitors.

He stayed where he was, letting the bell ring twice more. Whoever it was gave up on the bell and knocked on the door.

“Sam, I know you’re in there. Let me in, buddy.”

Mark. The traitor who had refused to release him until Rosie had disappeared from his life.

A key rattled in the lock and the door opened. “Sam?”

Shit, the bastard must have gotten the master key from the guard. So much for his own security people protecting him.

He rubbed his palm across his knuckles, the absence of the ring strange after all these years. “What do you want, Mark? Fixin’ to rub more salt in my wounds?”

“We were worried about you.”

“Kinda hard to tell considering what you did to me earlier. How you wrecked my life.”

“Can I turn on a light here, Sam? I can’t see worth shit in this dark.”

Before he could answer, Mark flicked on the overhead fixture, its light bouncing off the ring.

“Turn it off, goddamn it.”

The light flicked off, and a dark shadow appeared beside him. “You okay?”

“Rosie’s gone. I’ve lost her.” Thanks to Mark’s fucking interference. If Mark had let him down right away, he might have had a chance to catch Rosie before she left. And then he’d discovered Mark had agreed to the plan months before. The bastard had probably been sitting back there in Dallas laughing his fuckin’ ass off during all the conversations they’d had about Rosie. Now Mark would go home to his pregnant wife, while Sam had just lost the woman he loved. Again!

He surged from the couch, tackling Mark, pinning him face-down to the floor. “You made me lose her. If you hadn’t interfered, she’d be here now.”

Mark grunted, but didn’t struggle. “I’m sorry. We didn’t think she’d walk out like that. We thought you’d listen to reason and-”

“She left me! Because of you and Chad and Thalia, and your fucking quack psychology, I’ve lost Rosie.” Fight back, damn it. Fight so I can hit you. Hit me, hurt me so I can concentrate on something other than this god-awful pain in my chest.

“You’d already pushed her away, Sam. She was talking with Chad about transferring. We had to do something to get you to realize what you were doing.”

Sam tightened his grip, fighting the urge to pound Mark’s head into the floor. “I was trying to keep her safe. You would have done the same thing with Jodi if you thought she was in danger.”

“Yeah, I would have, you’re right.” Mark sucked in a breath. “We fucked up, all right? I admit it, everyone admits it. But when Thalia suggested her plan to get you two together, she just thought it was time you settled down. And after what you’d said to me about Jodi, I thought…” He exhaled in a long slow stream. “None of us realized that you were still mourning Jill. I didn’t mean for you to end up hurting again. I was trying to find a way to, I don’t know, thank you for forcing me to see how much I loved Jodi. And it was sort of funny too, to see the tables turned on you for once. I figured you’d end up hitched. None of us intended for it to turn out this way. We’re sorry. I’m sorry.”