K Breese - Future Imperfect

Him, I flick off. The rest of them, I ignore.

Charlie shows me the door, opening it and waving me out. Belle follows.

In the hallways leading to the parking structure, Belle tries to talk me into coming back. Just to talk for a bit longer. She says, “Promise we’ll just talk casually. I so want you to be a part of this.”

“I need a breather, Belle.”

Belle blows me a kiss. Mouths, Sorry.

And I leave.

I take back roads.

Lose myself only a few blocks to the west of Paris.

My frustration boils over. The Sisters, the Diviners, no one wants to change the future. No one wants to even try. I tried to save Harold and still, he died. Jimi will die and no one but me wants to lift a finger. I smash my steering wheel repeatedly with my fists.

Then, still fuming, I pull over and slam on the breaks.

Also I roll down the window and chuck CDs onto the street. This is the new really pissed-off me getting crazy. Just needing to act out. Mostly I toss old CDs. Mostly beat-up, scratched-all-over CDs that work about half the time. Dinosaur Jr., Minor Threat, and some mix from Paige titled Everyone About Everything go sailing into the night.

And that’s when I notice the smell in my car.

It’s like heavy perfume.

I scan the rearview and see nothing.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say loud. Just in case.

“No.” The voice comes from right behind my seat. A girl’s voice. Brittle. I know the voice immediately. It’s Janice Zinc, the lesser of the Metal Sisters.

I ask, “Janice?”

“Yeah.”

“Any chance you’d crawl out from back there? Almost scared the living crap-”

She climbs up and settles down in the passenger seat. All slumped over into herself. Janice looks worn down. She pulls out a beat-up purse that’s losing rhinestones by the second and from it she pulls out a cigarette. “You mind?” she asks.

I wave an okay and she lights up. Her white dress, it suddenly doesn’t looks so nice. The ice sculpture’s quickly melting away.

After two long drags she says, “Katrina didn’t tell you everything. We’re connected, you know? I can see what she can see.”

“You said that.”

“She’s the best at the readings, knows how to navigate, but I’m there for the ride too. I see everything she sees. Know everything she knows.”

Another drag and a deep cough and Janice informs me that she and her sister saw just about everything I’ve seen over the past few months. “Just because Katrina went in to see that drowning, it doesn’t mean she didn’t see more. When she’s in your head, she can read it like a book. Just flip the pages back. When we’re in your head, Ade, nothing’s sacred.”

She tells me that she knows about Vauxhall. She tells me that she feels bad about my home life. The slumped-over psychic next to me says, “You’re much more messed up than anyone could even imagine.”

“Why were you really in the backseat of my car?”

Janice rolls down her window and chucks the cigarette. “Your new girl.”

“Tell me.”

Janice smiles. “I know what you really think of me, Ade. I repulse you. You think I’m stupid. The dumb sister.”

“I’ve never even met you before tonight! This is crazy, you’ve got me confu-”

“Don’t bother, Ade,” Janice interrupts. “Won’t matter. Here’s the thing: I’m a spiteful person and, honestly, I’d very much like to hurt you.”

“I’m sorry, but seriously, I think you-”

“Won’t matter, Ade. You were in Boulder just a few-”

“Yeah. I party. I… I was… What is this about?”

Janice puts a finger to my lips to shush me. Her nails sparkle. She says, “At Roger’s party. You’d banged your head up something pretty bad earlier and when I saw you, you were all dazed. Drunk and all out of it like from the concussion. Didn’t stop you from being incredibly sweet. I think you said something about having seen me before, about how you saw me in a vision years ago. Very poetic. Very sweet, Ade.”

“Really, Janice, I don’t think… It wasn’t about you, it was…”

Looking at Janice, her sinking into the seat next to me, I can’t recall a single image, not a moment, from the scene she’s describing. No recollection of spending time with her.

She says, “We kissed a lot.”

“Who?”

“You and me, silly.”

“Nothing more, though, right?”

“Depends how you define more.”

I groan and feel bad doing it, but it just escapes. “It’s not you,” I say. “Just that I don’t remember any of this. I think I was confused and… Please, Janice, tell me about Vauxhall. Tell me what you know.”

“Horrible,” Janice coos. “You have no memory at all of it, do you? The things you told me, you would never believe how sweet they were.”

“I’m sorry, Janice. Please. Tell me about Vauxhall.”

Janice starts with, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve forgotten most of your life. I wonder just how much of what you think you see is real. These visions of the future, how do you even know they’re yours? Just ’cause you see yourself, how do you know that’s you? Amazing what the mind will come up with. Even more amazing what the mind can will itself to forget. Jimi Ministry was with you at that party, Ade. He talked to me. Asked me to look at something inside his head. Something, well, very bad for you and Vauxhall.”

My heart tumbles. My mind is electric with anger. All the things I’m thinking are so ugly. So many of them brutal. The churning is breaking me apart.

“What is it, Janice?”

She laughs. “You sure you want this?”

I’m not, but I’m having trouble breathing.

Janice is like, “It’s really sad stuff.”

Bracing myself, I say, “I need to know.”

“It will change everything.”

“Tell me.”

“You will never forget again.”

I nod. I need to know this, but as soon as Janice starts speaking, I want to plug my ears. I need to know what she’s going to tell me, but I don’t want to hear it. Not from her and not like this.

Janice says, “You’re here because Jimi wants you here. All of this, it’s his little game. You’re the pawn, Ade. He’s been planning it, well, I can’t even begin to imagine how long. And the thing is, you’re just so messed up that he’s made it work. Whatever I tell you it’s already too late. Vauxhall is his. I’ve looked into his head. Jimi’s been to Grandpa Razor, he’s gotten the future. His future and, not surprisingly, you’re not in it. Vauxhall and Jimi have a great little family. A nice home. Jimi one, Ade zero.”

I’m biting my lower lip so hard it’s ballooning out.

“Doesn’t make any sense-”

Janice chuckles to herself. “That’s just the thing, Ade. You have no idea what you’ve actually seen. You’ve forgotten us getting, well, cuddly, just a few weeks ago. Can you imagine the other stuff you’ve forgotten? Can you imagine the visions that maybe you’ve forgotten?”

“Everything I’ve seen I’ve remembered.”

She laughs loud. “Not at all,” Janice says. “Remember, I’ve been in there.” And she taps my forehead with a cold finger. “The time you went to the ER, got hospitalized, surgery, you had a vision. You remember what you saw?”

I try. “Jimi’s dad.”

“And after?”

“Something really far out. Me looking in a mirror. And, I couldn’t see-”

“You could see, though, Ade. You could see just fine. Only you forgot. Want me to show you what you saw?”

I’m in a daze, biting back my tongue. I nod.

Janice, stroking the back of my neck with her sharp nails, she says, “Your past catches up with you, Ade. All those concussions, all the damage, it has to go somewhere. To say you change is putting it lightly. The anger, the violence. You go a little nuts, frankly.”