Suzetta Perkins - Déjà Vu

We will keep you updated as this story unfolds. Again, Mr. Robert Santiago of Operation Stingray has been killed.

Jefferson sat with a blank stare on his face. The nightmare had not ended. His past kept coming up like yesterday’s vomit-a bad taste in his mouth. When would he get rid of it so he could resume the rest of his life?

“You decided to be a bedside Baptist today, too?” Margo asked as she turned over to look at Jefferson.

“No, I’m going to get up. I’ve got a lot of issues to sort through. Damn, I can’t believe that, even in death, Santiago continues to drag me down to the gutter with him. I paid the price for my bad deeds, and now the good old media wants to have a field day at my expense. Margo, I can’t take much more.”

“What about your sermon this morning about being grateful to the Lord? You were passionate-had me believing that this was truly over and that we could now lead a normal life.”

“Tell me about you and Malik.”

A long silence ensued, except for the morning newsanchors, who were relating another heart-breaking story about a woman who was moving from one military town to another military town, marrying innocent soldiers without divorcing the previous ones and then having their babies.

“Tell me about you and Malik,” Jefferson said again. “I want to know where I really stand in your life.”

Margo finally sat up and leaned back on the headboard. She looked thoughtfully at Jefferson and parted her lips, although nothing came out. She wrapped her arms around her waist and breathed deeply, and when she could no longer hold it, the air flew out of her mouth. “I had sex with him, Jefferson.”

The Good Morning America team faded to black as Jefferson pointed the remote and clicked the television off. He stood up from the bed, put on his robe, and paced the tiny space in the room without looking at Margo. He stopped in front of the lamp, jerked it from its socket and threw it across the room.

“Say something, Jefferson. Be mad at me if you want. You forced me to tell you. Now say something.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Hell, I don’t know! But it wasn’t like you think.”

“Wasn’t like I think? What kind of bull is that? You told me you had sex with Malik, and it’s not what I think? Hell, I’m not trying to visualize it, but the very thought of Malik touching you anywhere repulses me.” Jefferson rammed his hand into the wall. “I could kill him right now.”

Margo threw her hand over her mouth. “Stop it, Jefferson. Haven’t we had enough killing for one week?”

“Then tell me why, Margo, why? Do you love him? And don’t lie to me.”

“You got some nerve, Jefferson Myles. I waited for you for five long years. I was a faithful wife every minute of those five years, even though you didn’t deserve my love and trust. I loved you in spite of your infidelity and the way you treated me, and I was the dutiful wife waiting for you when you returned.”

“So, what happened when I returned? You were the one who told me that you were going to stand by me. And I wanted you to because I never stopped loving you. But from the moment I returned home, things were different…Malik was being different. His not showing up to the homecoming party should have been a sign. I remember the day at the restaurant; he acted so strange. We haven’t had a real decent conversation. It was during that time, though, that I felt something was wrong. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but now I know. That’s why you couldn’t make love to me.”

“But you’re wrong, Jefferson. Yes, Malik was falling in love with me, but I never committed to anything. In fact, I asked him to stop coming around. It wasn’t until I saw you with Angelica going into the hotel that I did run to him, and…it happened.”

“And then you came home and made love to me or was it just sex. Are you telling me that you never thought about being with Malik? Do you know how it felt when you wouldn’t touch me, wouldn’t sleep with me?”

“Listen to me. Don’t make me out to be the bad person. I know very well how all of that feels…not to be touched, not being wanted because your flavor for the month was not chocolate.”

“Okay, I asked for it. Let’s not bring that up.”

“Why not, since we’re talking about indiscretions? Have I thought about being with Malik? The answer is yes. When I tried to get close to you, it was Malik I’d see. He was there for me during those five years you were gone. I depended on him for a lot of things, except sex. Foremost, he was a friend that I could count on. And when Antoinette died, he was a wreck, and I was there to nurse him back to health. I know you can’t understand how we could have such a friendship without it being sexual, but we managed.”

“Humph, managed? Do you love him? You never answered the question.”

“If I loved Malik, I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you. That’s why we were arguing last night. I know what I did was wrong, but in my moment of weakness, I gave myself to him, and yes, I led him to believe that I wanted him the way he wanted me. I told him tonight that I loved you, and that you were the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with.”

Jefferson continued to pace with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was on his twenty-fifth revolution when Margo couldn’t take anymore.

“Would you sit down or say something? You are getting on my nerves. If you want me to leave, I’ll go.”

Click, click, click. Click, click, click went Jefferson’s teeth. The noise was aggravating, but he continued to scrape them together. Margo started for the bathroom.

“Please don’t leave the room. I’m doing much better than I thought. Malik would have been dead by now, if the thought of being locked up in a prison cell hadn’t occurred to me. But you’re not going anywhere.” Jefferson’s countenance changed.

Margo looked up at her husband’s smiling face. “What are you getting ready to do? Jefferson, I’m not up to any games.”

“I’m taking off my robe.”

“For what?”

“For some hot fudge sundae. That will always be my flavor of the month, the year, and the next several decades.”

Margo stared at him with her hands on her hips. “What would Jesus say about you having hot fudge on a Sunday, no pun intended, while you should be at church?”

“I don’t think He would say never on a Sunday-maybe He’ll say not on His time . But let me take something from the scriptures. The bridegroom cometh. Is there oil in your lamp? Is it trimmed and burning?”

“You are blasphemous. The Lord is going to strike you down. But if you’re offering yourself to me, I’m a taker.”

Hints of summer were all around. Spring flowers had become enormous flowerbeds of day lilies, mums, impatiens, and hostas. Even the eerie feeling that blanketed the city yesterday gave way to a brilliant sun that would cause many to flock to Myrtle Beach or other resorts if it weren’t a Monday.

They walked through the house as they waited for the contractors who would assess and repair the damage. The memory of the shooting had shaken them both to the point that the house on Andover Street was no longer attractive. Other bad memories clouded their desire to stay in the house also, and a “For Sale” sign would most likely be imminent.

“I can’t believe Angelica wants to go back to New York. A large part of her life is here,” Margo said thoughtfully as she placed a finger in a hole in the wall that had held one of the many bullets that had flown through the front window.

“Can’t blame her,” Jefferson responded. “Some memories you want to leave behind. I hear she has a love interest waiting for her.”