Craig Robertson - Random

‘Yes.’

‘Has it never crossed your mind that he might have killed Mr Ogilvie? A man like that, capable of anything.’

Kepple looked close to shitting himself. He swallowed and shrugged a nod.

‘Leaves you in a tricky position, Mr Kepple. You knowing what you know. Mr Docherty knowing what you know…’

So it was that Archie Kepple phoned Mick Docherty. Asked him to meet in the office in Renfield Street after hours. He mentioned a housing association contract on the south side. Big money and a lot of manpower needed. All under the radar for now though. Mick needed to keep it quiet and come on his own. Greedy Mick was happy to agree.

The details on what happened in that office once Mick Docherty had turned up were few and far between. Suffice to say that Mick was never seen again. Some said he was strangled, others that he was stabbed. There was even talk that he had been given a huge overdose of the stuff that he helped put on the streets.

Archie Kepple’s nerves and conscience ensured he couldn’t keep his trap shut completely and he let it be known that he thought Docherty had something to do with the murder of poor Wallace Ogilvie. Never any mention of any other prominent Glasgow businessman though.

Kepple’s trade contacts took a bit of a dunt with the disappearance of Docherty but he found himself a new partner who was happy to pick up the slack and provide bodies to lay the black stuff and the bricks, all foreign and all off the books.

Together they helped build sparkling new southside housing with a nice little wedge from the taxpayer. Alan Devlin’s boys made sure the building site was safely secured night and day in case anyone came around stealing or snooping. Lovely houses they were too, solid as a rock and built on a very sound foundation.

Docherty sorted, reputation sorted. Kirkwood wasn’t so daft as to think he had sorted the serial killer too. That box still needed ticking. According to Ally McFarland, Kirky felt he was on a roll and had all sorts of useful information to work with.

She’s sleeping.

I’m downstairs. Television on. I’m staring at the screen. No idea what programme is on. No interest.

I’ve eaten. Hours ago though, I think.

I’m thinking. Remembering. Planning.

I won’t close my eyes. I know I’ll see her. See him. See them.

Have I put the hall light off? I’m sure I did. I know I did. Better check.

I check. I had put it off. I knew I had.

Ideas run round my head. So many thoughts. Can’t stop them, can’t slow them or reduce them.

I want a drink but won’t do it. I want control. Need it.

Not being alone but being lonely is a hard way to be. That’s why I sometimes turned to my pal Jack for help. Sometimes my mates Jim or Arthur too. Mr Daniel’s, Mr Beam and Mr Guinness. Best friends a lonely man could have. I liked drinking. It helped.

But sometimes it didn’t help. Like now.

Remember when Sarah fell off her new bike and tore the skin off her knee? She refused to cry, just wouldn’t do it even though there was blood running down her leg.

So many plans to make. Got to make sure things are done right.

There’s a feeling rooted deep in my gut. An irritation that won’t go away. It nags at me, gnaws at me. It eats me. I try to stop thinking about it but it churns my stomach, beats my head. It’s there, always there. I fret because of it, continually aware of it. I worry because it is always there and it is always there because I worry about it. Can’t break that loop. Not a loop, a spiral. Downward. There is a constant urge to scream.

Did I put that light off? The hall light? I know I did but maybe I better check. I know I did. Check anyway.

I check it. It was off.

Glass of Jack Daniel’s. Just the one. Driving later. Largish one though. Beyond caring.

The newspapers have been full of things I’ve done. This street too with all its talk of killings. Kids write stuff on walls. That dog has been hanging around again as if it is stalking me. Not a happy place.

What’s happy?

So much planning to do. So much to remember. So much to forget.

I want to wake up in the rain with her sheltering beneath my arm, raindrops falling off her smile and her feet shaking with the fun of it. I want her to rain-dance and twirl. I want her to pretend she is showing off. I want to open my eyes and see her looking up at me then looking down at rain dripping off her nose, her licking it the way she does. Did.

It is hours since I’ve eaten. Hungry now.

No time though. I’ve got to go out soon. How long is it since I had that glass of Jack?

Punters in the taxi been talking of nothing except him. The Cutter. Him not me. Kept going on about the dentist. Sinclair. Saying what a shame it was. Sin for his wife, they said.

What did they know about sin? Sin everywhere.

Woman actually cried in the back of the car. Husband had to hold her. Crying for a woman she didn’t know. I caused that. Wallace Ogilvie caused that.

No more Jack. Haven’t eaten. No more Jack on an empty stomach.

Shit. Have to shake that gnawing. Stomach all over the place. Maybe a glass of Jack would sort it.

They were saying that Sinclair was the worst one yet. Just married. Said surely if killer had known that he wouldn’t have done it. How could anyone do that? they asked.

Pour another glass.

Might not make work. Don’t want to hear them talking. Could phone in sick. True enough anyway. Sick in the stomach. Sick in the head.

Sarah was off school for nearly two weeks with chicken pox once. Poor wee thing was covered in spots and had the cough and a really bad headache. Plenty of fluids and calamine lotion. Don’t scratch.

Taxi passengers been boring into my head. Harder and harder to shut them out. Why couldn’t they just shut the fuck up?

Not going in. Decided. Need to phone before having another glass. Keep voice together. Cammy doesn’t sound best pleased. Feels sorry for me though. Know that. Still not happy.

No work though. No passengers. Why do they keep asking if I have heard anything? Just because you drive a cab doesn’t mean you get loads of gossip. No, heard nothing. Shut the fuck up.

Seemed to be more people taking taxis. No one wanted to walk anywhere any more. People were scared. Even in Glasgow.

Did I put the light off in the hall? Sure I’d checked that already.

Sat back down. Last Jack.

Still got to plan. Still lots to do. Dice move next.

Maybe not best time to plan. Mind full of Jack. Mind full of Sarah. Mind full of Sinclair.

I keep hearing Sarah’s voice. Always been the way. Would hear her in shopping centres or calling to a pal in the street. Would be sure it was her. And every time I remembered it wasn’t, couldn’t be, it was like her dying all over again. But now I hear it without anyone talking.

She was talking through Jack. I was thinking through Jack.

Man gave me a ten-pence tip last week. Fare came to?6.95 and he handed over seven pounds and a five-pence piece. Why do they bother doing that? I threw the coin out the window behind him. Shouldn’t have done that.

Jesus, my guts were churning. Not nerves, just everything. All the shit rolled together. Should have been at work by now. Should have been on the street. Couldn’t now even if I wanted to.

Not going to check that light again. Know I’ve checked it.

I miss you. I say it out loud. I really miss you. Am I saying it out loud to prove it in case she’s listening? Don’t know. Shouldn’t have to prove it. She knows I love her.

Don’t feel guilty. Doesn’t matter how many people say how bad it all is. Just because he was recently married. So what? Random. Way it has to be.

The woman who was crying was doing so for herself. Not for the widow. Her own fear of being alone. Selfish bitch.