Dean Koontz - The Voice of the Night

“Like in one of those crazy goddamned books you’re always reading?”

“No.”

“Should we call Buck Rogers to save us?”

“I just… I was only trying to say that they don’t seem to love Roy.”

“That’s an awful thing to say.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s true.”

She shook her head, amazed. “Did it ever occur to you that you might be too young to fully understand an emotion as complex as love, let alone all the forms it can take? My God, you’re an inexperienced fourteen-year-old boy! Who are you to judge the Bordens on something like that?”

“But if you could see the way they act. If you could hear the way they talk to each other. And they never do anything together. Even we do more things together than the Bordens do.”

“‘Even we’? What do you mean by that?”

“Well, we don’t do many things together, do we? I mean as a family.”

There were things in her eyes that he didn’t want to see. He looked away.

“In case you’ve forgotten,” she said, “I’m divorced from your father. And also in case it somehow slipped your mind, it was a bitter divorce. The pits. So what the hell do you expect? Do you think the three of us should go on picnics now and then?”

Colin shuffled his feet in the grass. “I mean even just you and me. The two of us. We don’t see much of each other, and the Bordens see even less of Roy.”

“When do I have time, for God’s sake?”

He shrugged.

“I work hard,” she said.

“I know.”

“Do you think I like working as hard as I do?”

“You seem to.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Then why-”

“I’m trying to build a future for us. Can you understand? I want to be sure we never have to worry about money. I want security. Big security. But you don’t appreciate it.”

“I do. I know you work hard.”

“If you appreciated what I’m doing for us, for you, then you wouldn’t have tried to upset me with this bullshit story about Roy trying to kill you and-”

“It’s not bullshit.”

“Don’t use that word.”

“What word?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Bullshit?”

She slapped his face.

Shocked, he put a hand to his cheek.

“Don’t smirk at me,” she said.

“I wasn’t.”

She turned away from him. She walked a few steps into the grass and stared at the junkyard for a while.

He almost cried. But he didn’t want her to see him crying, so he bit his lip and held the tears back. After a while, the hurt and humiliation were replaced by anger, and then he didn’t have to bite his lip any more.

When she gathered her composure, she came back to him. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I lost my temper, and that’s a bad example to set.”

“It didn’t hurt.”

“You upset me so much.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“You upset me because I know what’s going on.” He waited.

“You came out here last night on your bike,” she said. “But not with Roy. I know who you came with.”

He said nothing.

“Oh,” she said, “I don’t know their names, but I know what kind of kids they are.”

He blinked. “Who’re you talking about?”

“You know who I’m talking about. I’m talking about these other friends of yours, these smart-ass kids you see standing on street comers these days, the punks on those skateboards who try to run you off in the gutter when you walk by them.”

“You think kids like that would want anything to do with me? I’m one of the people they’d run into the gutter.”

“You’re being evasive.”

“I’m telling the truth. Roy was the only friend I had.”

“Nonsense.”

“I don’t make friends easily.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

He was silent.

“Since we moved to Santa Leona,” she said, “you’ve gotten mixed up with the wrong kids.”

“No.”

“And last night you came out here with some of them because this is probably a popular place-in fact, it’s just an ideal place-to sneak away and smoke some dope and do… all sorts of other things.”

“No.”

“Last night you came here with them, popped a few pills-God knows what they were-and then you tripped out.”

“No.”

“Admit it.”

“It’s not true.”

“Colin, I know you’re basically a good boy. You’ve never been in any trouble before. Now you’ve made a mistake. You’ve let some other kids lead you astray.”

“No.”

“If you’ll just admit it, if you’ll face up to it, I won’t be mad at you. I’ll respect you for accepting your medicine. I’ll help you, Colin, if you’ll just give me a chance.”

“Give me a chance.”

“You popped a couple of pills-”

“No.”

“-and for a few hours you were really gone, really out of it.”

“No.”

“When you finally came around, you realized you’d wandered away, back toward town, without your bike.”

“Jeez.”

“You weren’t sure how to get back here and find your bike. Your clothes were torn, filthy, and it was one o‘clock in the morning. You panicked. You didn’t know how you were going to explain all that, so you made up this foolish story about Roy Borden.”

“Will you listen?” He was barely able to keep from screaming at her.

“I’m listening.”

“Roy Borden is a killer. He-”

“You disappoint me.”

“Look at what I am, for Christ’s sake!”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Can’t you see me?”

“Don’t shout at me.”

“Can’t you see what I am?”

“You’re a boy in trouble and getting deeper.”

Colin was furious with her because she was forcing him to reveal himself in a way he never had done before. “Do I look like one of those kids? Do I look like the kind of guy they’d even bother to say hello to? They wouldn’t even take time to spit on me. To them, I’m just a skinny, bashful, near-sighted creep.” Tears shimmered in the corners of his eyes. He hated himself for being unable to hold them back. “Roy was the best friend I had. He was the only friend. Why would I make up a crazy story just to get him in trouble?”

“You were confused and desperate.” She stared at him as if her gaze would crack him and reveal the truth as she imagined it to be. “And according to Roy, you were mad at him because he wouldn’t come out here with you and the others.”

Colin gaped at her. “You mean you got this whole theory from Roy? This whole dumb thing about me taking drugs-it comes from Roy ?”

“I suspected it last night. When I mentioned it to Roy, he said I was right. He told me you were very upset with him because he wouldn’t come to the party-”

“He tried to kill me!”

“-and because he wouldn’t contribute any money to buy the pills.”

“There weren’t any pills.”

“Roy says there were, and it explains a lot.”

“Did he name even one of these wild dopers I’m supposed to be hanging out with?”

“They’re none of my concern. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“Jeez.”

“I am worried about you.”

“But for the wrong reason.”

“Playing with drugs is stupid and dangerous.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“If you want to be treated like an adult, you’ve got to start acting like one,” she said in a lecturing tone that galled him.

“An adult admits his mistakes. An adult always accepts the consequences of his acts.”

“Not most of the adults I see.”

“If you persist in this bullheaded attempt to-”

“How can you believe him instead of me?”

“He’s a very nice boy. He-”

“You’ve only talked to him a couple of times!”