Joe Lansdale - Cold in July

But then again I thought about the man I had killed. You didn’t just kill a man and not know his name. And I didn’t like the idea of being used. I wasn’t sure how the police had used me, but they had. And this poor bastard might never have gone off his head for even a little bit had they not told him the lie they did. And it seemed like the more I tried to rationalize not getting involved any more than I already was, the more I felt I should.

“A detective costs money,” Russel said, voicing my next concern. “I don’t have any, and I don’t think Jim Bob will do it for free. Maybe he would have in the old days, but I don’t know now. Lot of time has gone by. I feel like it was yesterday that we were friends, but my contacts have been kind of limited the last few years. Jim Bob has probably gone on and had a life. He may not want anything to do with me-even if I had money to hire him.”

“I can supply the money,” I said. “I’m not made of it, but I do all right. First thing, let’s see if he’s still around.”

I drank my coffee and went outside to the phone booth between the doughnut shop and the Fina station and called Houston information. I asked first for a Luke Detective Agency, then for a Jim Bob Luke. Neither was listed.

I tried Pasadena, which is a small burg outside of Houston. A lot of people drive to work in Houston from there.

“Jim Bob Luke on Mulberry Street?” the operator asked.

I took a flyer. “Yeah, that’s him.”

She gave me the number and I wrote it on one of my business cards and went back to the doughnut shop. I slid into the booth across from Russel and said, “Bingo.”

There was a lightening of the sky by the time we left the doughnut shop. I drove Russel to the Lazy Lodge on the edge of town and checked him in for the day. It’s a sleazy place that caters to the wetbacks passing through on their way to shitty jobs and enough money to rent a mobile home for twelve. Meals were served from a candy and soft drink machine in the grungy lobby. For a dollar or so you could have a Snickers and a Coke.

I gave Russel enough money for emergencies, like Coke and Snickers and a throw-away razor of the sort they sold at the check-in desk.

“ You taking me in to raise?” Russel said.

“Seems like it,” I said.

We went into the little room he was assigned and left the door half open as it was hot in there and the air-conditioning wasn’t turned on. The room had the faint smell of an uncleaned toilet and too much lemon air freshener. Three dead roaches had been piled in one corner on top of one another by an indifferent broom stroke, making them look like an insect balancing act.

Russel sat on the bed and it sagged so bad in the middle he seemed to be melting from the butt up. He worked his way out of the slump and got down on his knees and looked under the bed and laughed. “Only one slat in the middle. Swank.”

“It’s all my finances will allow,” I said.

“I’m not complaining.” He sat on the very edge of the bed and got out his cigarette pack and shook out the last cigarette and put it in his mouth. He didn’t light it, just let it dangle there. “You really going to help me find my son?”

“Yeah.”

“You trust me after what I did?”

“I don’t know. I must. Either that or I’m crazy.”

“It was a kind of calculated madness, Dane. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn’t do it. It seemed sane to me when I first thought it. A son for a son, but I knew inside me I couldn’t do it. But I could have killed you… I’ve thought about it all morning. I told you in the car I didn’t know if I could have. That was a lie. I could have. I thought you killed my son and it wouldn’t have been anything for me to do you in.”

“You’d have gone back to prison.”

“Big shit. I’d have been just as happy if they’d killed me.”

“And now?”

“I don’t know. If my son’s alive I want to find him. It makes all the difference in the world.”

I had been standing. I found the only chair in the room and sat down on it. It groaned as if in pain.

“They don’t hold back on expense here, do they?” Russel said.

“Was your cell any better?” I was feeling mean. I still didn’t like the sonofabitch and he had just admitted that he could have killed me and slept.

But my question didn’t bother him. He actually considered it.

“The only thing that made the cell bad was that the door was closed and I couldn’t open it anytime I wanted. But out here, I’m like a duck out of water. I’ve been away from civilian life too long. I don’t know how to act. Don’t even know how to talk to a woman anymore. I’m not sure which is worse. Here or Huntsville.”

“Sad how they make you serve your time, isn’t it?”

He smiled at me. “I deserved my time, Dane. I’m not complaining.” He found a match then and lit his cigarette. “Last smoke and last match.”

“I gave you enough money for cigarettes and food. I’ll get back in touch with you.”

“You’re going to contact Jim Bob?”

“Yeah.”

“It may not be the same one, you know?”

“I know, but with a name like Jim Bob Luke, I figure it is. I’d more likely think he might not be in the same business.”

“Maybe you could let me talk to him. We used to be friends.”

“So you’ve said. Maybe that’s enough reason for me to leave that sucker alone.”

“He’s wiser than me,” Russel said. “He believes in justice and truth and liberty and all that shit.”

“All right, you talk to him. They’ve got a pay phone here. When you’ve gotten some rest and you think he might be up, call him.”

Daybreak was edging in the open doorway and that made me think of Ann and Jordan. “I have to go home,” I said.

“When will I hear from you?”

"I don’t know. I’ve got some thinking to do. You get something from Jim Bob Luke, you call me. My number’s in the book.”

I stood up.

“Dane, an apology isn’t much after what I did-”

“No, it isn’t.”

“But I’m offering it.”

“Wouldn’t have done me much good if you’d have killed me and my family.”

“I wouldn’t have killed your family. Just you.”

“That makes me feel a sight better, Russel.”

“Put yourself in my situation and think about what you’d have done.”

“I wouldn’t have done what you did.”

“That wasn’t much thought on the matter.”

“I know I wouldn’t have done what you did.”

“No, I don’t think you would have either. I’m not offering an excuse, just an apology.”

“Your apology is shit, Russel.”

“We’re going to have to work together on this. Me finding my son and you finding out who you killed, what this is all about. We might as well get along and learn to trust one another.”

“I don’t know if I can trust you completely, Russel. I’m already having my doubts and thinking I should have left you where you were. Maybe you don’t deserve a son.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

I didn’t like the way this was going. “Just lay low. You get in trouble and you’re on your own. I can’t help you anymore, and I wouldn’t if I could.”

“We’re going to be helping each other plenty if we get into this. If the cops are in on it like you say, they aren’t going to hand us the answers on a platter.”

“Rest. I’ll see you later.”

I stopped off at the phone booth between the Fina and the doughnut shop and called home and didn’t explain much, just said I’d be there shortly and I wasn’t going to work today. After that I called Valerie and told her I wouldn’t be in and to take her key.