Randy White - Black Widow

I said, “That sounds unhealthy. I’ve never been a fan of radicals, particularly when they’re free.”

“You’re one for jokes, but I know what I’m saying. Herbal tonics are the best way to flush those toxins, so why not have yourself a drink before I start?”

There was a carafe of tea-colored liquid on the counter, iced, and garnished with a sprig of blue flowers. Looked like the same flowers I’d seen the previous night. Montbard had said the flowers were rare.

I said, “No thanks, bottled water’s fine. I prefer to flush my toxins in private,” pushing the boundaries, but what the hell.

The woman’s frown communicated irritation, but also suspicion. “It makes no sense. You’ve no respect for what we do-massage purifying the body-so why pay all that money to stay here?”

I shrugged, opening a bottle of water.

“You’re not wondering why I’m even bothering to care? I see a lot of clients in this room. Asking why they’re wasting their money isn’t something I usually do.”

“I already told you, Norma-I enjoy back rubs.”

Still frowning, the woman gestured toward the table. “Slip out of those clothes and lie on your stomach. I’ve got another appointment soon.”

My list of enemies at the Orchid was growing.

Norma was wrong. I don’t have a problem with massage. I have a problem with members of the massage industry who promote pseudo-science and quackery-for-profit.

Some “therapists” make claims so outlandish they would be funny-if they weren’t dangerous. They claim to massage away lymphatic toxins, alter body polarity, restore positive energy, correct meridian imbalances, heal through therapeutic touch, treat disease with reflexology, calm hyperactive pets and children via manipulation or aromatherapy. It is quackery without anatomic or scientific foundation, yet it goes unchallenged even in states that claim to regulate the business. What many dismiss as goofy, new-age fun is actually an intentional con.

There are good universities where students work their butts off studying the science of sports medicine, a respected field that includes therapeutic massage. The fact that these professionals are confused with “massage therapists” is unfair to the discipline and dangerous to the public. The frauds, of course, love it.

I’d told Norma I’d read an article about massage. Truth was, I’d read a lot on the subject because of something unfortunate that happened to a female friend. The reading included a book on “voodoo science” by Dr. Robert L. Parker, professor of physics, University of Maryland. Dr. Parker had isolated seven red flags that signal bogus science. Many of those red flags were obvious in the Orchid’s spa literature. I’d thumbed through the stuff in the waiting room.

The spa offered standard massage fare, along with typically murky claims for shiatsu healing, hot-stone chakra balancing, and the “reintegration” of soul and body.

There were also flags of much brighter red.

Aromatherapy: Essential oils balance the patient’s biological background while neutralizing toxins such as free radicals and other causes of disease…

Lymphatic Massage: Acu-probe safely applied by experts. Causes lymph to flow, and improves detoxifying function of the kidneys…

Colon Hydrotherapy: Detoxifying external and internal massage. Warm herbal water is used to gently flush the colon of intestinal stasis…

Body/Mind Integration: Patients share innermost thoughts with their therapist during massage, particularly toxic feelings of anxiety, guilt, and negative past-life experiences…

Sexual Energy Massage: Using an ancient technique, ching chi is released from the genitals through digital manipulation that re-channels libido and eliminates toxins created by undirected sexual energy…

Rechanneling libido was one of the Orchid’s few legitimate claims. But rechanneling libido isn’t uncommon in the trade-a nasty little secret the massage industry tries to conceal.

A lady friend of mine who adored massages told me about an experience at a ski resort. An expensive hotel with a spa that had a sterling reputation-according to the spa’s literature.

My friend scheduled a massage in her room. She requested a male therapist. “Their hands are stronger,” she told me. “I’ve used the same guy in Lauderdale for years. He’s great.”

It is true there are good, reputable massage technicians. It’s true there are fun, reputable spas that monitor the behavior of their staff. Not all promote quackery. But my friend wasn’t in Lauderdale, and the man who came into her room carrying towels and a folding table was a stranger.

After half an hour on the table, the hotel’s “therapist” started using a technique new to her, concentrating on her inner thighs. The man’s intent was obvious, but only in hindsight-gradual sexual persuasion. My friend didn’t participate, but she didn’t protest. By the end of the hour, she was no longer fully draped, and the man’s hands had moved to what the industry refers to as “inappropriate regions of the body.”

That’s when my friend’s husband walked in. No reason he shouldn’t. The massage had gone over the allotted time. He was paying for the room-and the massage. It was only a few seconds before they realized the husband was watching, but it was time enough for him to see what the therapist was doing, and to misinterpret his wife’s role.

For years, the husband had believed his wife. Massage was therapy. But what he saw transformed years of trust into suspicion. Accusations, denials, and arguments led to counseling.

When I asked why she didn’t protest, she was sincerely puzzled. “I really don’t know. I guess I was so out of it I didn’t realize… Wait. I don’t believe that. Why should I expect you to believe it?

“Massage is… intimate. You drift off. You give your body up to the therapist. Of course I knew. I didn’t stop him because, well, it felt good, damn it! I felt safe because he was a professional. It just… happened.”

She’s a fine person, my friend. She hadn’t done anything wrong, but she’d been conditioned to accept an intimate and dangerous environment that real professionals-physicians, chiropractors, sports-medicine specialists-wouldn’t tolerate even if it were considered ethical. An hour alone with a naked patient?

It is a bizarre phenomenon-another reason I’d researched the subject.

The massage industry doesn’t publish data that hurts business. Newspapers do. Cases of sexual assault and prostitution are public record. An example is the “Tibetan healer,” a massage therapist licensed in California, who was expanding his practice to other states when charged with seventeen felonies, including rape and oral copulation with an unconscious person.

Because it’s rarely reported, there’s no accurate tally of the number of women assaulted after inviting “therapists” into their rooms. For sexual predators, it may be the safest of all covers. Juries aren’t sympathetic to women who willingly take off their clothes and invite a male to touch them. Why bother to report a crime that will never be prosecuted? It’s a sad capitulation to the dim-witted belief that women invite rape through their behavior.

I found a confidential poll of female massage clients and gave it to my friend to read. A startling percentage responded that on at least one occasion male therapists had touched them “inappropriately.” Only a tiny percentage reported the incidents.

“It happens,” I told my friend, echoing her own explanation.

Instead of being relieved, though, she became furious.

“What are you telling me? Oh… I get it! It’s wrong if a man massages a woman, but it’s perfectly okay for a woman to massage a man. Give him a hand job, a blow job-whatever! But never the opposite. I’ve been hammered enough with that goddamn double standard. I’m not going to take it any more-even from you, Doc!”