Craig Russell: The Carnival Master

Fabel looked back at the child’s feet. He felt sick at the sight of them. At that moment he didn’t care whether Aichinger blew his own brains out or not. Then he saw it. Tiny. So tiny he could have missed it. But he hadn’t. A small movement.

‘Georg… The children. Your wife. Let us get to them to help them.’ Fabel heard someone move into the doorway behind him. He turned and saw that Breidenbach had his gun aimed at Aichinger’s head. ‘Put it down!’ Fabel hissed. Breidenbach didn’t move. ‘For God’s sake, there’s already one gun on him – his own. Now lower your weapon – that’s an order.’

Breidenbach lowered the sights of his machine pistol slightly. Fabel turned back to Aichinger. ‘Your wife… the children. Have you hurt them? Have you hurt the children, Georg?’

‘Nothing makes sense.’ Aichinger said as if he hadn’t heard Fabel. ‘I suddenly realised that nothing makes any sense at all. I suppose I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, but then I woke up this morning and felt… well, I felt like I wasn’t real. That I don’t have a real identity. Like I’m just a character in a bad movie or something.’ Aichinger paused, his brow furrowed as if he were explaining something that he couldn’t fully understand himself. ‘There was this person, in my head, when I was a kid. The person I was going to be. Then it turned out that I wasn’t that person. I’m not who I was supposed to become. I’m someone different.’ He paused. Fabel listened to the silence, straining it for any sounds from the room beyond. ‘It’s all mad.’ Aichinger continued his tirade. ‘I mean, the way we lead our lives. It’s insane. The things that go on around us. It’s all shit. All chaos. None of it makes any sense… Take your colleague there. Just itching to put a bullet in my head. You’re here because I have a gun and I’m threatening to use it. He has a gun and is threatening to use it too. But that’s acceptable. Why? Because he’s a policeman. He’s supposed to keep order. Except it isn’t order.’

‘Georg…’ Fabel looked past Aichinger and down the hall to see if he could see the small feet move again. ‘The children…’

‘Do you know what I do for a living, Herr Fabel? I’m a “recruitment consultant”. That means I sit in an office for the greater part of my waking hours and find people to fill other offices in other companies. It’s the most pointless fucking waste of a life. That’s my life. That’s the me I became. I am one little hamster in his treadmill finding other hamsters for other treadmills. Supplying the meat to feed the big corporate mincing machine. That is what I spend my life doing. Where’s the sense in that? Thirty-odd hours a week. I calculated it: by the time I retire, I will have spent nearly forty thousand hours sitting at that desk. Forty thousand. It’s mad. I’ve always tried to do the right thing, Herr Fabel. Always. What was expected of me. Play the game according to the rules. Everything else is chaos, I was told. But none of this makes any sense. Don’t you see? All of the things I haven’t seen. Places I’ve never been.’ Tears streaked Aichinger’s face. Fabel tried to understand what he was saying; to grasp what could have caused such monumental grief. ‘It’s all illusion. We live these ridiculous little lives. Live in boxes. Work in boxes. Give ourselves to senseless work. Then we just… die. All because that’s the way we think it’s supposed to be. We think that’s stability and order. But one day I woke up and saw this world for what it is. Insane. There’s nothing rational or real or vital about it. This is the chaos. This is the anarchy. Well, I’ve done it. I’ve turned it on its head. On its head. This isn’t me. You’ve got to believe me: this isn’t me. I don’t want to be part of it any more.’

‘I don’t understand.’ Fabel reached out his hand, slowly. ‘Give me the rifle, Georg. You can explain it to me. We can talk about it. We can sort things out.’

‘Sort things out?’ Aichinger smiled a sad smile. It struck Fabel that there was a genuine but sorrowful gratitude in that smile. Aichinger’s posture seemed to relax. The thumb on the trigger stopped quivering. ‘I’m glad it was you, Herr Fabel. I know that when you think about what I’ve said, you’ll understand it. At least you do something. At least there’s some sense, some meaning, to each day that you wake up to. You save people. Protect them. I’m glad it was you who I could explain to. Tell everyone… tell them that I couldn’t live with being someone else. Tell them I’m sorry.’

The sound of the shot was muffled by the flesh pressed hard against the barrel under Aichinger’s jaw. There was a plume of blood, bone fragments and brain matter from the crown of Aichinger’s head and his legs folded beneath him.

Fabel leapt across the body and ran into the living room. Towards the tiny feet in the doorway.

Ansgar’s meal was ready.

Ansgar Hoeffer’s home in Cologne’s Nippes district was modest and scrupulously clean and tidy. It was also unshared, unvisited. Over the years he had gradually withdrawn to specific places: home, work, the journey in between. He often felt that his life was like a large country house in which only a few rooms were used and kept in perfect order, the rest closed and shuttered and dust-sheeted in the dark. Rooms, Ansgar knew, it was best not to visit.

The kitchen of Ansgar’s home was, given his occupation, surprisingly small but unsurprisingly well equipped; pristine and filled with light from the large window that looked out onto his house’s slim fringe of garden and the blank side wall of his neighbour’s house.

The oven chimed. The meat was ready.

The strange thing was that, when at home, Ansgar preferred to cook simpler meals. Uncomplicated dishes in which the true texture and flavour of the meat were allowed honest expression. As always, Ansgar had timed everything to perfection. The asparagus simmering on the hob would be cooked to the perfect consistency. He took the small dish of apple sauce from the fridge: it would reach the perfect temperature – cool but not chill – by the time he served the meat and asparagus. He poured half a bottle of Gaffel beer into a glass, the balance of body and foamy head exactly right. He removed the metal tray from the oven and unwrapped the single fillet of meat from its foil cocoon. Leaning forward, he sniffed the delicate scent of the tender flesh wrapped in thyme, his glasses steaming opaque for a second. He placed the meat on the plate, dressed it with a fresh sprig of thyme and some of the apple sauce. He drained the asparagus and laid it neatly beside the meat.

Ansgar took a sip of the Gaffel and contemplated his meal. The first mouthful of meat melted on his tongue. As it did so, he started to think again about that girl at work. The Ukrainian girl who worked with him in the restaurant kitchen, Ekatherina. He frowned and tried to eject her from his thoughts. Another mouthful of meat. As his teeth sank into the yielding flesh she returned again to his mind. Her pale young skin pulled taut over her voluptuous curves. Even in winter the temperature in the kitchen would soar with the humid heat from the ovens and hobs. Ekatherina’s pale skin would become flushed and moist with sweat, as if she were being slowly cooked herself. He tried to banish her and focus on his meal. But with each mouthful he thought of her buttocks. Her breasts. Her nipples. Her mouth. Most of all, her mouth. He continued eating. He frowned when he felt the tingle between his legs; the pressure against the material of his trousers. He sipped his beer and tried to compose himself. He ate some asparagus. He straightened the cruet set on the table. Another mouthful of meat. He hardened more. He felt sweaty moisture on his top lip. He thought of her pale flesh against the black T-shirts she wore. Again the swell of her breasts. Again, her mouth.