Leslie Moore - Griffin's Shadow

“The One bestows yet another blessing on my House.” Sen folded Ashinji into his arms. “My son,” he whispered. “You’ve made me so very happy.” Sen held his son for many heartbeats, and never before had Jelena seen or felt their special bond more strongly. Finally, Sen released Ashinji and moved to embrace Jelena. “You, also, have made me very happy,” he said, his gray-green eyes shining. He planted a firm kiss in the center of her forehead then released her.

The remains of the evening meal had yet to be cleared from the dining table; Jelena and Ashinji had delayed their announcement until after the family had finished eating.

“I need to tell my own father soon,” Jelena stated. She shook her head, laughing. “He just found out he’s a father, and now he’s to be a grandfather as well!”

“He will be as happy as I am,” Sen replied. “Though I foresee a potential problem between us.” His face curdled into a scowl.

“What problem, Father?” Ashinji asked anxiously.

“Both of us will want to cuddle and spoil our grandchild, but we can’t do it at the same time. I predict a great deal of arguing over exactly whose turn it is to hold the baby!” Sen’s mock scowl melted into a mischievous grin.

“I wonder if I’ll have any time with my own child!” Jelena exclaimed. She turned toward Ashinji in entreaty, but he just shrugged and smiled. Jelena smiled in response, full to bursting with love for her husband and his father.

Amara, who had been sipping tea on the sitting room couch, Lani by her side, entered the conversation. “Jelena, now that you are pregnant, we must be especially careful with your training,” she said. “The energy within you can cause great harm to your unborn child. It must be meticulously controlled until the correct time.”

“You’re worrying me, Wife!” Sen rumbled. “Nothing…nothing at all must harm this grandchild!” He nervously plucked at his earlobe. “You know how talk of sorcery unsettles me. Whatever this business of the Kirians is, must it involve Jelena?”

Before Amara could answer, Sadaiyo, who had said nothing until now, spoke. “Goddess forbid that anything should happen to this particular Sakehera grandchild, for is this child not also an Onjara and thus far more valuable to you than my own, Father?” He made no attempt to soften the bitterness of his tone.

Jelena’s happy mood evaporated. Ashinji stiffened and she felt him struggling to remain calm.

Sen’s face fell; his eyes darkened with anger and sadness. “How can you say such a thing, Son?” he asked.

“Sadaiyo, not now…” Misune murmured, almost too low to be heard.

“I’m only speaking the truth, Wife,” Sadaiyo shot back. “Father agrees, but he’d never admit it-has never admitted it-though it’s always been plain to me and everyone else in Kerala! Ever since my little brother came mewling into the world, anything that is a part of him will be more precious to you, Father, than anything I can ever give you.”

The air in the room grew heavy, as oppressive as the atmosphere right before a summer thunderstorm.

“I think I’ll go up to bed,” Lani murmured.

“Take your sisters,” Amara directed softly, gesturing to the two little girls asleep before the hearth. Lani nodded, kissed her mother’s cheek, then rose to gather the twins up, one under each arm. They complained drowsily, but went along without much more fuss.

“Sadaiyo,” Sen said as soon as Lani and the twins had departed, “you are my firstborn…my Heir. When have I ever given you cause to doubt my regard for you?”

Sadaiyo shook his head in incredulity. “Every time you look at my brother,” his eyes flicked to Ashinji’s face then back to his father’s, “I see in your eyes the love you have for him…love I never had, nor ever will. Oh, I understand it,” he said, raising his hand to forestall Sen’s response, “but understanding is a long way from acceptance.”

“Brother, you need feel no jealousy toward me. I’ve never been a threat to you.” The anguish in Ashinji’s voice nearly broke Jelena’s heart.

“Not so, Little Brother!” Sadaiyo replied. “The people of Kerala love you about as much as they hate me. How will I ever govern them without their support? As long as you are around, my position as Lord will be severely compromised.”

“That is not true, Son! Our people don’t hate you!” Sen objected. “Perhaps, if you showed them a little more compassion…”

“Like Ashinji, perhaps? Oh, yes… kind, compassionate Ashinji! I’m sick to death of you-you and this…this half-breed who pretends she’s as good as a pureblood because she’s the king’s bastard whelp!”

“ Sadaiyo! ” Amara’s voice cracked like a whip.

Sadaiyo rose to his feet, ignoring his mother’s warning. “You’ve never said it, Father, but I know you wish it. You wish that your precious Ashinji could succeed you as Lord!”

Father and son stared at each other for several agonizing heartbeats.

“Go ahead,” Sadaiyo bluntly challenged. “Admit it!”

Something in Sen seemed to snap. Jelena saw his control give way and she braced herself for the consequences.

“Goddess forgive me, but it’s true!” Sen whispered hoarsely, then hung his head.

“Father!” Ashinji cried. He struggled to rise, but Jelena locked her arms around him and held him down with all her strength.

“I can’t lie to you anymore, Sadaiyo.” Sen raised his head and Jelena witnessed something she never thought to see-Sen weeping. The sight of his tears seemed to temporarily dampen Sadaiyo’s anger. Father and son stood a handspan apart, each searching the other’s face for something- anything -that would banish the terrible pain between them.

“I’m so very sorry, my son,” Sen murmured.

For an eternity, no one moved or spoke.

“Damn and curse you, Brother ,” Sadaiyo whispered at last.

“Sadaiyo,” Amara called softly this time, breaking the leaden silence. Sadaiyo turned to regard his mother with flat, pain-filled eyes. “Come here,” she commanded.

Even in his current state, Sadaiyo did not dare disobey his mother. Like a sleepwalker, he went to her side and sat down. Gently, Amara slipped her arms around him and rested her forehead against his. She closed her eyes. “Leave us, all of you,” she ordered.

“I’m going for a walk,” Sen mumbled and headed for the outer doors. Misune, loathe to leave her husband but fearful of disobeying a direct order from her mother-in-law, reluctantly retreated up the stairs.

“Let’s go to bed,” Ashinji whispered. “I really need to be in your arms right now.” Jelena nodded and took his hand. She glanced at the eerily still tableau of Sadaiyo and his mother, then looked away. The two were obviously joined in trance, and to Jelena, it felt like too intimate a thing for her to see.

When she and Ashinji finally fell into their bed, they held each other for awhile, taking comfort in simple closeness. Eventually, Ashinji moved to rest his head on Jelena’s belly, as if by doing so, he could somehow cross the divide that, by nature and necessity, now separated him from his unborn child. Jelena stroked his hair with one hand and wiped away her tears with the other.

By mutual, unspoken agreement, they remained silent about Sadaiyo’s outburst and Sen’s agonized confession. Jelena understood that things were too raw now. There would be plenty of time later to sort things out.

After a time, they both drifted to sleep.

Emerging from a tangle of disturbing dreams, Jelena sat up in bed, a vague sense of alarm jangling her nerves. She glanced over at Ashinji, who lay on his side, face slack. Too unsettled to remain in bed, Jelena finally gave up and slipped from beneath the covers, moving carefully so as to not wake her husband. She threw on her robe and went to sit in the window seat, pushing open the shutters so she could look out.