April Smith - North of Montana

“We just had to let her go. Excuse me. I’ll be right back.”

She has left the door open. I glimpse a two-story entryway with a crystal chandelier way up there in the stratosphere. And she’s arguing with me over four hundred bucks?

She returns clutching a peach-colored business card and a tissue. She’s apparently got herself all worked up again.

“My husband would know about the money.”

I observe her critically, trying to square Mrs. Gutierrez’s description of the lady being “very mean” with what I see. There is something churning inside Claire Eberhardt, but it does not appear to be malice. It appears to be guilt.

On the verge of breaking down completely, she murmurs, “I’m so sorry,” and gently closes the door. In gray script the card says, RANDALL EBERHARDT, M.D., DANA ORTHOPEDIC CLINIC, with an address on Fifteenth Street, south of Wilshire across from the hospital, ten minutes away. So she’s a nurse and the sap turns out to be a doctor. Now I know how Claire Eberhardt got into the neighborhood.

• • •

The Dana Orthopedic Clinic is in its own remodeled Victorian house in the medical center of Santa Monica. The waiting room, just like the business card, is peach and gray. The receptionist has told me that without an appointment to see Dr. Eberhardt I will have to wait. Luckily the upholstered benches — peach and gray — are orthopedically correct and it is actually relaxing to sit there and read Glamour magazine.

Then I get antsy. Then I get pushy. Because there is nobody else in the waiting room.

“Is the doctor in surgery?”

“No.”

“Is the doctor on the premises?”

“Yes.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“He’s with a patient. It will just be a little longer.”

We have three more rounds of this and another forty-five minutes pass. My plan is to bully the doctor into writing out a check for four hundred dollars then and there and be done with this whole business. If he balks I will threaten a lawsuit on behalf of Violeta’s children. Doctors don’t like lawsuits. That should end the discussion. Again I refrain from pulling out my badge and terrifying the receptionist. That would be against regulations.

An hour later the doctor is still with a patient and I feel a sudden panic about getting back before Duane Carter notices how long I have been gone. Resigned to confronting Dr. Eberhardt at another time I thank the receptionist for her tremendous help and skulk out the door around back to the alley where I have parked my government car illegally and where, I am further incensed to discover, it is being blocked by a black limousine.

I had backed the blue Ford between a telephone pole and a dumpster next to a brick wall; now this limousine has pulled up alongside, making it impossible to maneuver out. The doors of the limousine are locked and there is no driver in sight.

By holding my breath and walking on tiptoe I can squeeze in between the two vehicles and open my door about eight inches — enough to angle a shoulder inside and turn on my siren and loudspeaker.

“A black limousine, license plate JM, you are blocking the alley, you will be cited and towed …”

The second repeat and a couple of good whups from the siren brings a bulky red-faced driver in uniform running down the alley carrying a cone topped with a large spiral of ice cream.

“Hey, lady, what’s your problem?”

“Just move the car.”

He eyes me derisively. “Gotta get to the sale at J.C. Penney’s?”

I badge him. “No. I’m with the FBI. Now move the car.”

Suddenly he grins. “And I’m a state trooper. Used to be, before I sold out and went Hollywood. See that? Brothers and sisters under the skin. Tom Pauley. Glad to meet you.”

He offers a stubby hand. We shake.

“Can I get you frozen yogurt?”

“No thanks.”

“Here. Have this one. It’s virginal. Never been licked.”

“You enjoy it, Tom. I’m going to catch hell at the office.” I squeeze into my car and turn the engine.

“I understand. Guess I was kind of a jerk, but you should have seen your face. I really should have let you run the license plate. That’s what I do with the cops. Then it’s: Tom, what can I do for you? Tom, can you get me an autograph for my wife?”

“You’re a celebrity, huh?” I jam the gearshift into drive, hoping he will get the hint.

“Anybody who works for Jayne Mason automatically is.”

I have to admit, he got me as he knew from experience he would; that the mention of the name is enough to stop even the most cocky cop in his tracks.

“Where is Jayne Mason — at the yogurt store?”

“Seeing the doc. That’s why I had to park near the back. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

He nods toward the gray door of the Dana Clinic.

“I thought she was at the Betty Ford Center.”

“They sprung her.”

“Cured?”

“Seems to be, but she’s always had a back problem. You’re not going to leak this.”

“Yeah, Tom. I really care about Jayne Mason’s back problems.” Then, curiously, “Is her doctor named Eberhardt?”

Giving me a smile: “You know I can’t release that information.”

I look toward the door as the sweet odor of rotting garbage rolls toward me on the ocean breeze. “So that’s why he kept me waiting two hours.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry. Hanging around like that can fry your brains. I’m used to it. That’s why I went and got myself some lunch.”

The gray door swings open and Jayne Mason strides out. She doesn’t get far before a white-coated arm grabs her by the shoulder. She tries to twist away but the arm holds tight, forcibly turning her around so she’s facing a tall, solidly built man with blondish hair and aviator glasses, wearing a white lab coat.

“Is that the good doctor?”

Tom nods.

Dr. Eberhardt — a nice-looking man with the soft underchin of middle age — keeps the hand on her shoulder so she won’t run away. She is wearing a red sweat suit, sneakers, and a red turban that completely covers her hair. He is taller, younger, stronger; but she is strong too — a dancer and still lithe. He is maintaining an authoritative posture, talking calmly although she seems distraught.

“The whistle blows,” Tom says, tossing the uneaten yogurt into the dumpster.

He positions the limo in the middle of the alley, then, leaving it running, gets out, opens the door, and waits. She doesn’t even have to look in his direction for him to know the correct moment to make his move as she finally pulls away from the doctor with an expression of willfulness so he can be right there to gracefully take her hand and guide her over the torn asphalt. As they approach I can see that her sweatshirt is decorated with a pair of kittens batting a yarn ball. It is a real yarn ball and the kittens are furry with big glittery eyelashes. They pass right in front of me. The actress’s skin is dove white against the crimson knit, reflecting a brilliant smear of color in the immaculate black shine of the limousine door; she is her own annunciation, creating in this smelly alley a moment of startling vivacity that could not have been outdone by a hundred performing troubadours dressed in gold.

The limousine pulls away. Dr. Eberhardt is gone, the gray steel door sprung shut. I wonder if the doctor’s wife knows how intimate her husband is with his famous patient; how he kept his hand on her shoulder the whole time and how, although she was angry, she did not move away as long as she felt his touch.

I pull out of the alley, picturing Claire Eberhardt leaning against the other side of the mahogany door of their home, innocent of this, crying a river of penitent tears over a poor Salvadoran housekeeper.