Ken McClure: Lost causes

‘Does that mean you’ve given in to the companies’ demands too?’

‘We’ve looked at their requests in the light of what’s just been said.’

‘Well, what a day,’ cooed Humphrys. ‘Conservatives and Labour all lovey-dovey with an election coming up. Who’d have thought it? I’d like to explore more but we’ve run out of time. Over to the weather centre…’

Steven switched off the radio and said, ‘About time too. The vaccine situation’s been crazy for years.’

‘People want a hundred per cent safe vaccines,’ said Tally. ‘They see it as their right.’

‘You and I know that isn’t possible,’ said Steven. ‘My fear is that it’s going to take a terrorist attack before the message gets home. If there’s a vaccine available, get it. God, look at the time. No gold star for me at the end of the month.’ He got up and padded through to the bathroom.

Tally — Dr Natalie Simmons — watched him disappear, admitting to herself that she’d been expecting something like the undercurrent of frustration Steven was showing. He loved her — she had no doubts about that — but he’d also given up a job he’d loved in order to come and set up home with her in Leicester, and she still wasn’t sure that he believed he’d made the right decision. She wanted to think it had been a considered commitment, made after a great deal of thought, but she knew differently. Steven had been angry and disillusioned at the time of his resignation: it had been a spur-of-the-moment thing, although, to be fair, disillusionment had been threatening for some time before that. On the other hand and on the bright side, he had already rebuffed several requests from London urging him to reconsider and come back.

Since leaving the army, where he’d served with the Parachute Regiment and Special Forces, Steven had been employed as a medical investigator with the Sci-Med Inspectorate, a small unit attached to the Home Office which investigated possible crime and wrongdoing in the high-tech world of science and medicine — areas where the police lacked expertise. It was a job he’d been extremely good at but it had taken him into a number of dangerous situations where on more than one occasion his life had been in danger. Tally had met him during one such investigation so she had first-hand experience of the risks. She had been terrified and had no wish to ever find herself in that position again… or even try to form any serious relationship with someone who might be.

Steven had fallen for Tally and had initially hoped that he could convince her that being in danger was the exception rather than the rule, and that it would be perfectly possible for him to combine his Sci-Med career with a normal relationship. Tally, who had her own career to pursue and was currently a senior registrar in paediatric medicine in a Leicester children’s hospital, disagreed and was quite adamant that she couldn’t live in constant fear of the danger her partner might be in. She’d made it clear that that kind of uncertainty was no basis for a relationship and they had ultimately parted over it.

Some time later, when Steven found himself totally disillusioned with the outcome of his last assignment when, in the ‘public interest’, the bad guys had got away with it — yet again, as he saw it — he had resigned. He had contacted Tally and told her what had happened. There would be no going back, he assured her. He had never stopped loving her. Would she consider making a life with him if he resigned from Sci-Med? Tally had agreed without hesitation and had suggested that he come and live with her in Leicester while he looked for a new job. At least one of them would be working.

Although himself a qualified doctor and an expert in field medicine — the medicine of the battlefield — Steven had known that it would be difficult if not impossible for him to find his way back into civilian medicine, having never really been involved in it before at any level. He’d joined the army — what he’d really wanted to do all along — almost as soon as he’d completed his hospital registration year after university. He had been one of those students who’d been steered towards medicine by ambitious parents and teachers. Unlike many, he’d found the courage to rebel before the die had been irrevocably cast.

Now, largely because he needed to find something that paid a salary, he’d taken a job as a security consultant with a pharmaceutical company with research labs located on a science park shared with Leicester University. The security was more concerned with intellectual matters than with the guarding of gates. It was vital that the company’s projects be kept safe from the prying eyes of competitors, so the screening of research and support staff as they came and went was an important factor. Thorough background checks had to be carried out on incoming staff, and privacy agreements in line with contractual obligations had to be signed and adhered to by those who were bound for pastures new. All very vital and all very boring.

Steven did his best to shut out such thoughts. After all, the job had enabled him to set up a new life with Tally and would in time allow him to see more of his daughter Jenny and play a bigger role in her life. Steven had been married before, to a nurse he’d met in Glasgow during the course of an early Sci-Med assignment, but Lisa had later succumbed to a brain tumour, dying when Jenny was little more than a baby. After her death — perhaps the blackest and most unhappy time of his life — Lisa’s sister Sue and her husband had taken Jenny to live with them in the village of Glenvane in Dumfriesshire, and she had been there ever since, brought up with her two cousins, Peter and Mary. Steven had visited as often as he could, every second weekend when possible.

Sue and her solicitor husband Richard had always assured Steven that they regarded Jenny as one of their own, and that she could stay as long as she was happy with them. They’d even let it be known that giving her up would be traumatic for all of them after so many years — Jenny was settled and happy at the local primary school — but Steven still harboured dreams of family life although he recognised that Jenny herself would have to have the final say. He suspected, however, that his dream might well become unattainable before any such decision had to be made, as Tally had no plans to give up her own career. The demands of the medical ladder would almost certainly involve a geographical move when she began to think about applying for a consultant’s post, and perhaps more than once: not ideal for Jenny.

Steven was aware of Tally giving him sideways looks at the breakfast table. ‘What’s up?’ he asked.

‘Are you beginning to have regrets?’

‘About what?’

‘You know damned well.’

‘Not for a second,’ said Steven softly. ‘I made my decision. It was the right one. I love you.’

Tally remained unconvinced. ‘I know you. I can sense when you’re restless, unsettled, a bit unhappy…’

‘I’m not unhappy. I’m living with the woman I love. I’ve got a good job. The sun’s shining. How could I possibly be unhappy?’

Tally smiled, deciding to believe him but aware that it might be because she wanted to. ‘You’d better get a move on.’

‘Yep, you never know who may be planning to steal the aspirin…’ Steven got up from the table.

Tally looked down at her coffee cup. There it was again, the little aside that hinted at a lack of self-respect in the job he was doing. That could be serious: it could eat away at him unless she could persuade him to see things differently. His job was responsible and important, but how to make him see that was another matter. Most people had little or no trouble convincing themselves — and others — that their job was meaningful and worthwhile even if it was only a case of coming up with a fancy title for what they actually did, but Steven was different. He really had lived in a different world. He had lived life on an edge where harsh reality had to be faced and bullshit and imagery had no place. He had served with Special Forces all over the world, operating in appalling conditions in jungles and deserts to save the lives of comrades, experiencing the joy of bringing them back from the brink and the anguish of losing them.