Stephen Cannell - The Plan

When she finally spoke, her words chilled him.

"I told you I loved you … and I do … but can we carry so many bad memories? Are we strong enough? Is anybody?"

"I don't know," he finally said. And he honestly didn't.

Ryan went back to Los Angeles. The media swarmed the airport at LAX. SNG trucks were parked in the white passenger-loading zones. A forest of microphones bloomed in front of blow-dried hair. Pod people pushed and shoved and cursed each other as Ryan was led through the throng by a platoon of L. A. sheriffs. There was a motorcade at the curb.

He had arrived like the presidential candidate he had just destroyed.

The next morning, he sneaked down the freight elevator of the Century Plaza Hotel and waited in a stairwell while a rental car pulled up with the reservation clerk driving. Ryan hid under a hotel blanket as the clerk drove out of the hotel, past the pod people and blow-dries to a spot two blocks away. Then the man handed Ryan the keys and walked back to the rental desk at the hotel.

Ryan had made arrangements to have Linda's real estate agent meet him at the Bel Air house. He drove down the tree-lined street and pulled up in front of the French Regency where he and Linda had once lived-a house filled with decorator-perfect things that Ryan had no appreciation for. The agent let him in.

"I can wait," the thirty-five-year-old leggy blonde with a fitness instructor's body said, smiling at him.

"No. . I need to do this alone."

He wandered through the house carrying an old suitcase, packing things much more valuable than the pre-Columbian art that adorned the rooms.

Linda still owned the house but she hadn't been here much since the divorce. She'd been traveling in Europe. She would never miss the things that Ryan took. He went into Matt's closet and stood looking at the clothes. He reached out and gathered some in his hands and smelled them.

He could smell Matt.

His heart ached and tears came to his eyes. He folded Matt's Little League uniform. He took Matt's baseball hats off the shelf and put them carefully in the suitcase. He packed both of their mitts. On the wall there was the legend his son had written. It was in Matt's neat handwriting and framed under glass. They'd laughed when he'd put it up four years ago. He took it down, held it, and read it one last time: WHY WORRY?

There are only two things to worry about: Either you are sick or you are well. If you're well, then there's nothing to worry about. If you're sick, you only have two things to worry about. . Either you live or you die. If you live, you have nothing to worry about. If you die, you have only two things to worry about. Either you go to heaven or you go to hell. If you go to heaven, you'll have nothing to worry about but if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with old friends, you won't have time to worry.

Then he heard a laugh, or at least he thought he did. Was it his imagination or was it Kaz laughing at life's inconsistencies?

He packed Matt's football, then went into the hall and looked at the pictures on the wall-pictures he had been unable to look at since his son's death. He looked at Matt and Linda together, smiling in the Hawaiian sun. The people in the shot didn't seem like strangers to him anymore. He could relive those old moments and smile. The first fish. . the second birthday party where only stuffed animals had been invited. He took a picture off the wall. In the shot, Matt and Linda were laughing because their cat, George, was sitting by Ryan's sleeping head, licking Ryan's hair, grooming it. The photograph spoke to him like no other picture in the hallway. He wasn't sure why. He packed it in the bag with the other treasures.

He continued to move through the rooms, looking at everything, saying good-bye. Two hours later, he walked out of the house and drove away.

He had left his two Emmys in the den.

Ryan went to the beach condo and was relieved that no press were there. He let himself in and went out onto the porch. He sat on the old chaise lounge and listened to the Malibu surf roll in.

What do 1 do now? he thought as his mind buzzed with unanswered questions. He knew he needed Lucinda, knew she had to be part of his life. Had he lost her? Would she come back? What about Elizabeth? Why had she died? Why had she become a victim? Elizabeth, who never did anything but take care of him, apologize for him. . love him.

He got up and went into his bedroom. He lay on the bed, listened to the surf, and tried to figure out what to do with his life.

April turned to May. He called Lucinda and she said she and her mother were trying to work things out between them. It would be better if he didn't come to see her.

Ryan began writing a novel but the words didn't flow. He tried to run on the beach every evening. At least, he reasoned, he was getting his body back in shape. He refused to answer Marty Lather's calls or to have a meeting with his agent Jerry Upshaw. He decided he had to get someplace where the sun didn't shine every day. . someplace where there were no personal trainers or tanning salons. He thought about moving to the mountains.

The last day in May, while he was running on the beach, she came back to him. He was jogging in the wet sand, angling up from the surf to his condo when he saw her standing on the deck, her rich, black hair blowing in the wind. He increased his pace, his heart pounding.

"Hi," she said, her voice small as he climbed the steps to meet her.

"Hi," he said back, almost afraid to say anything, afraid he would scare her away. He held her gently, his lips against her temple.

"Ryan, can we. . can we live with all that's happened? Or will it wreck us?"

"I don't know."

"Mother can't forgive me and I'm not sure I can forgive myself. It seems so strange. I never thought that I would end up shooting Mickey. It haunts me. He haunts me. I know he was trying to hurt us, but I shouldn't have had to kill him. . And I dream about it all the time. I want it to be the way it was in Mexico but I don't know if I can get back there."

He reached out and folded her in his arms. She pressed against him.

"Love isn't something you control," he said, giving her own words back to her. "It's something that just happens."

She looked up at him as the Malibu surf rumbled in, white water licking the posts at the bottom edge of the deck.

"Then let's let it happen." She laid her head against him.

Ryan felt whole again-rebuilt and rejuvenated. This time, he was not going to let it come apart.

This time he would catch the pass.

Cole Harris won his third Pulitzer for the story he titled "The Plan." He had put Naomi Zur up posthumously, and her family shared the prize with him. He was o ffered a contract at NBC and he went to work every da y i n pleated pants and suspenders and quietly drove all o f h is coworkers crazy with his compulsive behavior. He sent Ryan and Lucinda a pen and pencil set. TO COLE HARRIS, THE BEST OF THE BEST. C. WALLACE LITMAN, the engrave d p laque said. He enclosed a note that said, "Not until I me t y ou guys. Have one on me." The expensive champagn e t hat was supposed to accompany the gift never arrived.

C. Wallace Litman was forced by the FCC to sell his broadcasting interests. He was indicted for election tampering and acquitted two months later by a New York jury.

Haze Richards was indicted for conspiracy to commit the murder of Anita Richards; A. J. Teagarden was indicted as a co-conspirator. Haze pled to manslaughter and was sentenced to seven years; A. J. Teagarden sentenced himself to death. He bought a.45 at a Washington gu n s hop, rented a hotel room, and ended his life in a chipped, dirty bathroom. Nobody claimed his body.

Babbling John Baily remained at Madison Junior High. But Cole and Ryan gave him the funds to build a state-of-the-art video lab, which the RF engineer maintained and ran for the school.