Derek Haas - Dark men

“What’d’you mean?”

“You’ve grown more fidgety than a prisoner walking toward the hangman.”

“I told you, I’m nervous ’bout this whole thing.”

“Yeah, you told me.”

“You know…” he tosses his napkin down on the table, then points his finger at me, “this is exactly what I was worried about. Exactly. ”

“What’re you worried about, Smoke?”

His finger hasn’t left the air. “This! You turning on me, everyone looking at me like I had something to do with Archie disappearing. You think the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that ransom note wasn’t ‘uh-oh, you stepped in it now, Smoke?’ I’ve been scared shitless since he was taken, and I could’ve run a thousand times. Hell, I didn’t even have to come find you; I could’ve just caught the first bus to Frisco and forgot the whole damn thing. But I did because Archie said if he were ever in a pinch that’s what I was supposed to do.”

His eyes focus, like he just now realizes his finger is jabbing the air toward me, that his voice is growing louder. He lowers his finger but doesn’t lower his eyes.

“Let me tell you something about Archie and me. You won’t understand this and I don’t care if you do, but this is the truth and if that’s a sound you’ve heard before then you’ll recognize it now.

“I was twenty-eight years old before anyone believed in me. My whole life was spent with people telling me I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t solid enough, you know what I’m saying? My mom thought I looked like my father and never forgave me for that, even when I apologized. Can you imagine? Apologizing to your mom for the way you look? And all you get for it is your mother trying to beat your father’s face off your neck.

“School stopped for me when I was fifteen. Just walked away and didn’t go back. You think there were officers out there checking to see where I was? You think the school board or the principal or the teachers came around asking, ‘why isn’t Leonard in school?’ Let me let you in on a little secret: they don’t care. No one gives a shit. Just one more drop-out, one more black boy out of our hallways, out of our detention hall, and good riddance.

“My first arrest was for boosting a car. I’d love to tell you a story about how some buddy of mine talked me into it, or how I wasn’t going to do nothing but drive that car around and forget my life for a few hours, but that’d be a lie and you’re here for the truth. The truth was I knew that Cam’s Motorshop out by the airport would pay a couple thousand to strip down Hondas with no questions asked and that’s where I was heading when I got stung. I wanted the money, plain and simple. I turned eighteen exactly three days before my arrest so I did a hundred days at Cook County instead of juvey. That was about as much fun as a punch in the dick. I’m sure you’ve seen your share of hellholes but you have no idea. You have no fucking idea, I assure you.

“The second time I got picked up was across state lines. I had grown pretty skillful at jacking cars by then and I had a regular thing going with six or seven chop shops all over Chicago. This one cat named Holmes I worked with a few times asked if I could drive a hot Nissan over to Boston where his brother Todd had a shop and drive back some other wheels to Indy. Said he’d pay five gees for the trouble and that cash sounded pretty damn good to me. I don’t know what I was aiming to buy at the time, but I remember that the money would set me straight for a while. Needless to say, I saw the bubble lights go up behind me just crossing into Massachusetts, and I panicked, ended up with a helicopter spotlight over my head, six cruisers, and a set of those spikes stretched across the road to take me down to the rims. It was like a Hollywood movie except missing the ending where the good guy gets away. Or maybe I wasn’t the good guy, come to think of it.

“Anyway, state lines is state lines and I ended up in Federal without a friend in the world. I tried to call Holmes and I’ll be damned if the number done changed. I was staring three years in the face and the Fed House meant organized crime and drug traffickers and El Salvadoran gangs and Aryan brotherhoods and a whole mess of hard cases who wouldn’t think twice about putting your insides on the outside of you if you know what I’m saying.

“The second day I’m locked up… the second damn day… I get sucker-punched in the walkway between the chapel and the restrooms. I’m walking along and WHAM! on my back, laid out flat. Didn’t see the fist fly, didn’t see the face, just a blast of pain, blinking white lights, and I’m looking up at the ceiling. I don’t know who hit me or why they hit me or what I had to do to make it right.. no one tells you that shit. Look at me, I’m all of five-ten and skin and bones and I was even thinner back then if you can dig that. No one helped me up and no one told me what the fuck I was supposed to do to keep from getting jawboned again.

“When I went to get my meal that afternoon, I saw some of the prisoners snickering at me and my fat lip and my purple cheek but I just ignored them best I could and sat down at one of the tables they had scattered in the cafeteria.

“That’s where Archibald Grant found me, busted lip and busted flat, eating a dry hamburger in the cafeteria at Lewisburg. He asked me my name and he asked me my story and I don’t know why I let everything out, but like I’m doing here, I did for him there. The words just poured out of me like water out of a busted bucket. I told him where I came from, where I’d been and why I was stuck up inside there.

“He looked at me, smiling that half smile of his, the way he does, you know, and didn’t say nothing for a while. Then, he nodded like he’d known my story before I told it and he said I’d been stealing the wrong things. Cars, electronics, wallets, knicks and knacks, this place was full of people who boosted the wrong shit. Boosted it because they didn’t know better. All that crap could only get you a little cash and what was the point in that? Risk versus reward was all upside down. Five thousand dollars worth five years in lockdown? In Federal? With these animals? Hell no. No fucking way.”

Smoke shakes his head vigorously, then swallows hard. He doesn’t look at us, lost in his story, as he continues.

“Archie folded his hands and lowered his voice. He said what he stole, the only thing worth stealing, was information. He said there was no greater commodity in the world. He said people laid down their lives for it since the dawn of man and they did it for good reason. Told me he stole information on the outside and he’d been stealing it on the inside, riding out his two-year term in comfort and security until he could resume business on the other side of the wall. Said he got thrown in here on purpose anyway, and though that claim had just the slightest ring of bullshit to it, I bought it like a fifty-cent bottle of beer. Looking back now, I’ll just bet he did get himself thrown in there for whatever reason made sense at the time.”

I remember that time. My old fence Pooley went to visit Archie in that prison, and commented how he couldn’t get to him to put a scare in him, get the information I needed at the time. Maybe Archie was in there to avoid my reach back then. It doesn’t matter… I keep my mouth shut and listen to Smoke unfold his story.

“Anyway, I naturally said something along the lines of ‘why you telling me this?’ And he said, ‘nobody ever believed in you, but I see a spark inside you maybe no one else saw before. Maybe it’s buried deep down in there but I can see it.’ Of course I thought he was completely shining me but fuck if those words didn’t sound like honey. Say what you want about Archibald Grant, but he’s got a mouth on him that could sell scissors to a bald man. He told me he knew who waylayed me in the hall outside the chapel and he knew how to take care of that situation so I wouldn’t be bothered again, not even looked at askew the whole time I was behind bars, but I needed to do something for him. ‘Could I do that?’ he asked.