Andrew Peterson - First to Kill

“Henning’s got a thing for you,” he said.

“Is it that obvious?”

“It’s the way he looks at you.”

“I’ve done my best not to encourage it. I don’t want to transfer him, but it may come to that. His wife works under my command. You probably saved her life up at the compound. She’s the SWAT agent who tried to light you up behind that tree.”

“She’s Henning’s wife?”

“Yes. They aren’t doing too well.”

“Well, he’s just bubbling over with gratitude.”

“This situation with you and Harvey is difficult for him. To be honest, for me too.”

“Did you and Henning…”

“Absolutely not. He’s married, and I don’t have those kinds of feelings toward him. Bruce Henning’s a fine agent. He’s honest and hardworking, and loyal as hell to the bureau, but he’s a Boy Scout.”

“And you don’t date Boy Scouts.”

She looked at him. “I don’t date married men.” They rode in silence for several minutes.

“I saw that glance you gave Harvey just before everyone piled into the vehicles.”

Nathan didn’t respond.

She smiled. “You have the deepest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

Following the other two sedans, Holly made the turn onto Highway 50, heading west toward Sacramento. “You handled Henning pretty well back at the airport,” she said at last. “You didn’t back down or go on the defensive. You were calm but assertive.”

“You ever watch a television show called Dog Whisperer? ”

“Hmm.” She thought for a moment. “I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never watched it.”

“Well, it’s about this guy called Cesar Millan and he has this uncanny ability with dogs. He’s a dog psychologist of sorts, but he really counsels people who have dog problems. He likes to say he rehabilitates dogs.”

“Okay…”

Nathan knew she was wondering where this was going. “It’s what you said about being calmly assertive. That’s Cesar’s philosophy. Be calm, but assertive.”

“And you think the same approach works with people?”

“To a limited extent. The basic difference is that dogs live in the moment, people don’t. Dogs don’t hold grudges. People do. Everything is right here and right now with dogs. I really like them a lot. I own two giant schnauzers.”

“I’ve heard of that breed.”

“They’re around a hundred pounds. Super-smart. Bullheaded, though.”

“Sounds familiar.”

Nathan looked out the window and smiled. “Point granted.”

“Not many people own giant schnauzers or a helicopter,” she said.

“The helicopter isn’t a symbol of ego or financial status for me. It’s about freedom. Too many people take it for granted.”

She paused for a moment. “May I ask you a personal question?”

“You can ask.”

“What was it like I mean, being a scout sniper?”

“That’s quite a question, Holly. We hardly know each other.” He fell silent for several miles. The road stripes slid under them in an endless procession of hypnotic yellow flashes. She didn’t force the conversation, and he appreciated the silent interval to gather his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how deep he wanted to go into his psyche. There was a demon down there. “I can’t speak for anyone else, but at the moment of truth it’s a feeling of intoxicating power.”

Holly didn’t respond.

“It’s dangerous, Holly. Real dangerous, like an addictive drug. Only worse.”

“I guess I never really thought about it like that before. I have snipers under my command. Two of them are in that sedan ahead of us. All our SWAT members are cross-trained.”

“Don’t ever ask them what you just asked me.”

She waited.

“They’ll resent it.”

“Do you resent it?”

“I don’t work for you.”

Holly said nothing.

“Your guys may have a totally different take on it. They don’t do covert field ops where the exit from the shooting position is a concern.”

“You won’t like my next question.”

He waited.

She looked over. “Did you like it?”

“And I thought your first question was tough. May I assume you aren’t just morbidly curious? Then the answer is both yes and no. But not in the way you’re probably thinking.”

“And that is?”

“That I liked everything but the actual killing. The trigger pull.”

“Are you saying you liked it?”

“No, I didn’t.” Nathan knew she was waiting for him to explain his yes-and-no answer. “I loved the exit after the shot. The thrill of being chased, of knowing everyone was hunting me.”

“And that’s the part you liked? It scares me just thinking about it.”

“I’m afraid so. I never felt so alive. So… I don’t know… exhilarated, I guess.”

“Did Harvey feel the same way?”

“No, just the opposite. Harv hated the exit. He liked the insertion and tracking. But not the killing. Neither of us got off on that.”

“You and Harvey are pretty close.”

“Sometimes I think we share a single consciousness. He can read my mind and I can read his. Like the look I gave him before we left. I didn’t have to say a word, he just knew I wanted to ride with you alone.”

“I envy you, being that close to someone.”

They rode in silence for several minutes, the glow of Sacramento growing with each mile they traveled toward the city. In the dim moonlight, mature oaks loomed like giant mushrooms.

Holly broke the silence. “You think we’ll find Ortega’s grandson at the cabin?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Or at least evidence of his interrogation there. They needed an isolated place for that. They couldn’t use their compound knowing it was probably under surveillance.”

“If he’s there, at least his family will get closure. It has to be horrible not knowing.”

“After meeting with Frank Ortega, I’m pretty sure he believes his grandson is dead. I saw it in his eyes.”

“It takes a special kind of personality to work undercover. I don’t know how they do it. The constant stress of being discovered and having to act like one of them. It would be like waking up every morning with a gun in your face. I couldn’t handle it.”

“Me either,” he said.

“How do you think they made him?”

“He was probably seen by someone the Bridgestones had on the outside. A grocery-store clerk or gas-station attendant, someone like that. He or she probably reported seeing him use a pay phone or meet with a stranger. Think about it. Who uses pay phones anymore? When he returned to the compound, they grabbed him.”

“You’re probably right. I doubt they could’ve tailed him without his knowledge.”

“He blew his cover relaying the info because he knew how critical the situation had become. He’s a hero in every sense of the word, Holly. I hate the idea of those dirtbags doing whatever they wanted to him. It’s why I agreed to help Ortega. It really pisses me off thinking about it. I’m sure he held out for as long as he could. He bought time with pain.”

“It must be horrible.”

“It is.”

“You and Harvey did a good job with the Bridgestones’ cousins. I heard everything. As promised, nothing was recorded.”

“Thank you.”

“I had all kinds of images in my head of what you’d do to them.”

“It’s rarely necessary.”

“Then you’ve…”

“Been rough? Yes. You have to detach yourself,” he said, answering her unspoken question. “You have to think of it like acting in a play or a musical.”

“Do you like musicals?”

“Immensely, and thank you for changing the subject.” In the amber light of the dashboard, he saw her smile and admired the way it transformed her face into the genuine article. Not forced or plastered. He looked out the window and wondered if he should be pursuing this, whatever this was. Where could it go? But somewhere deep down, where only the truth survived, it felt like something. Something new and exciting. Maybe that was it. Somehow, Holly felt right.