David Wiltse - Bone Deep

"You were right."

"And then when you didn't show up, the feeling got stronger and stronger. I knew someone was hurt."

"You knew that specifically?"

"I'm very sensitive in that way. I'm not always right, but usually I'm very accurate. But here's the funny thingI didn't think that it was you who was hurt. I knew you were involved in some kind of incident, or accident, but I wasn't really worried that you were hurt." Luv watched the oncoming traffic, studying faces to see if he recognized any. There were many more people who knew him than he would know personally, of course, but it was only the ones he could identify who might take it upon themselves to tell his wife where they had seen him. What he feared more than anything else was the flicker of recognition in someone else's eye.

"And then you told me that you'd hit the deer and of course I understood immediately," Denise said.

"I felt I had to stay with it," Luv said. "I couldn't just leave it there. I knew you'd be concerned, but I was certain you would understand."

"Of course, of course. You did what you had to do. I admire you for it.":,Well…" 'Most people would just keep driving."

"I couldn't bear the thought that it was suffering," said Luv. "I hate to think of anything suffering."

"You're so good, you're such a good man."

Luv touched her arm.

"Isn't it funny that I knew it had something to do with death?" she asked.

"You're an amazing woman," he said. As casually as he could, Luv twisted around to check out the cars behind him. He did not think he was being followed, it was simply old habit.

"I tried to call you," said Denise.

"What?" He was suddenly sharply alert, trying to hide his concern.

"I know I shouldn't have, but I was worried. I wouldn't have said anything, don't worry. If your wife answered, I was just going to hang up right away. If you answered, I thought I would just whisper that I loved you and then hang up. I just wanted to hear your voice to know that you were all right. That would have been okay, wouldn't it?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to call me," he said carefully. "My wife, she's so- It would take so little to make such trouble. She would take it out on the kids, of course. The children would suffer. Even if she just suspected. She's so paranoid. Even a wrong number could set her off, anything at all could set her off. I couldn't bear it if she turned on the children again. It would be so dangerous, for everybody."

"I wouldn't have actually said anything, I just miss you so much."

"I know, I know," he said sympathetically. "I miss you too." And he did, in his own way. He missed them all when he was not with them-in brief, sporadic burst seven though he might yearn to be away from them when they were in his presence.

"Sometimes I just say your name aloud, I miss you so much." She turned away from him shyly. He stroked the back of her hand where it rested on the steering wheel, longing for the sight of the motel. Sex would be particularly good tonight, he knew, because it was going to be her last time and he would take especially long. She had reached the dangerous point, she was too much in love with him, too needy, too demanding. She no longer considered his company an adventure, it was fast becoming a right. He could not have women trying to call him, even if there was no chance of her ever getting his phone number-she didn't even know his right name. The effort alone was a signal to end it. He would fuck her tonight like she'd never been fucked in her life, and then… who knew what then? It was partly up to his demon but, as he had learned in the woods with the black man, it was now also partly up to him.

"Why do you have an unlisted phone?" Denise asked, turning into the motel parking lot. "I couldn't find you in any town around here."

"We had crank calls," he said. When she turned off the ignition he lifted her hand to his face and kissed her palm, then licked slowly between her fingers. It was going to be a wonderful night, the uncertainty about the ending was so exciting.

The Cap'n had been at his very best. He had made love to her as worshipfully as if she were a goddess fallen to ground and this were to be her last act among mortals before returning to heaven, a feast of earthly, human delights that must last her an eternity, and he had allowed himself to come only when Denise had half whimpered, half laughed for mercy: "No more. God, no more." Then he allowed her to rest for a moment before reaching for ecstasy himself, reaching it with her crying out "Yes, yes!" while incredibly soaring to orgasm one final time herself.

They lay in the dark, Denise maundering on about something, Luv paying only enough attention to be alert for danger, until he felt the demon begin to claw to the surface inside him. He put his hand on her hip, lowered his mouth to her breast.

"You are incredible," she said, in awe. "I really don't think I can."

"There's something I want you to do for me," Luv said. He rolled her onto her stomach. "I need to do it this way. It may seem a little strange, but I want you to trust me. You do trust me, don't you?"

"Of course," she said. "I'll do anything you want."

"I'm going to put my hand on your neck," he said, putting his fingers in the right spot. "And I'm going to slowly squeeze while I make love to you." He slipped into her from behind and smiled when he heard her gasp with pleasure.

Thrusting into her, he began the slow pressure on her neck, then stopped abruptly, his erection withering. "What's wrong?" Denise asked.

"Nothing," Luv said, pulling away from her.

"What is it? You can do it. I trust you."

"I didn't want to hurt you," said Luv.

"You wouldn't hurt me, you would never hurt me, I know that," she said, rubbing his chest.

Luv rose from the bed and hurried to the bathroom, closing the door.

"Are you all right?" she called.

In the tiny bathroom, Luv stared at himself in the mirror, shaken by his own stupidity. He had been about to kill her when he had suddenly remembered that he did not have his car with him, he did not have his equipment. If he took her car he had no adequate way to clean it, no way to dismemher her, no way to transport her. He could not believe he had been guilty of such a lapse of good sense. He prided himself on being smarter than his adversaries and yet he had been about to act as stupidly as any impulse killer. He had very nearly let his emotions get the better of him.

You're a fool, he told himself A careless, humbling fool, and you're beginning to make mistakes. You were nearly caught in the Caprice-because you went back to help! Idiotic. You didn't even know they were onto the Caprice in the first place. It had to have been because of that incident with the moron Metzger in the woods during the aborted burial of Inge's body. A cop came that close, your car was exposed, and you assumed nothing would happen. Stupid. Now this. You are in peril because of your own behavior, he chided himself. It's nothing they've done, it's never anything that cops do, it's only what people leave behind, the clues they give, the traces they're too stupid to hide. As he heard Denise moving on the other side of the door, coming toward the bathroom, his attitude began to change. There was another side to it, he told himself.

"Are you okay?" she asked diffidently. He could tell she had her ear to the door, imagining him in a heap on the floor, collapsed and overfucked.

"I'm fine," he said, turning on the tap to give her a noise to concentrate on. "In fact, I'm great." And he was, he knew he was. He was Cap'n Luv, not some ordinary skirtchasing philanderer. He was the best. And he was not a blood-crazed psychopath, cutting and slashing random victims. Cap'n Luv killed without pain and left no trail, no bodies, no crime. There had been a flood, that was all. A freak of nature. A fucking fluke. And now, even at the height of his anger with himself, he realized that what had just happened with Denise was not a mistake but a great triumph. Luv had been in the grip of his demon, the mania was fully upon him-and he had resisted. He had won. He had shown that he was truly in charge, Luv was in command, not a mania, not some outer force, not some raving bit of subconscious, but Cap'n Luv. Luv was the king, even of himself. He was exultant, for he now knew in a way he had never fully realized before that he was the complete master.