Charlaine Harris - A Fool and His Honey

“Listen, you need to give me a break,” I said. “Don’t you know I only have so many interior resources?” I definitely felt the cupboard was pretty bare in my interior resources closet.

Hayden regarded me wonderingly. He didn’t seem to be concerned that he was at the mercy of a totally inadequate caregiver. His arms waved around. He made little noises, “eh” and a kind of creaky grunt being the most popular. With my free finger I touched the round cheek. It was so soft. Through his thin down of fair hair, I could see the pulsing place on the top of his head where his skull had not yet joined, or so Lizanne had explained it to me. It made this small life seem incredibly vulnerable.

I had a sudden, strange impulse: I would call my friend and priest, Aubrey Scott, and have him baptize Hayden.

If my hands had been free, I’d have slapped myself after I ran that idea through my head a second time. Baptism wouldn’t put a protective candy coating on Hayden. He wasn’t an M &M. And to assume the responsibility of having this child baptized would indicate I had given up on Regina bobbing to the surface to reclaim him, a terrible admission.

But I knew I would’ve felt a lot better if I could have just eased into the church and sort of casually had Aubrey sprinkle some water over this kid. I figured that Hayden Graham, son of Craig and Regina-if that was indeed who this child was- needed all the help he could get.

Confident that no one could hear me, I whispered, “You is booful baby.” Hayden’s hazy blue eyes focused on me. He smiled. My heart pounded suddenly, as if I’d just fallen in love. I beamed back at him as exaggeratedly as a children’s TV show host.

Sally Allison said, “Your lips are gonna fall off if you keep that up.”

I jumped. “Why’d you go and scare me like that, Sally? Good golly Miss Molly! You about made me jump out of my skin!”

“Sorry. You and Tiny Tim here just looked so cute.” Sally bent over to get a close look at my lapful.

“You heard about our predicament, I guess.”

“Mild-mannered reporter Sally Allison sees all, tells most.”

“Got any news?” Having had her look, Sally threw herself in Martin’s luxurious chair while my blood pressure finally settled back down to normal.

“Hmmm. Well, police found Regina’s car.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” Sally was carefully patting her right hand against her bronze curls, a gentle sort of pat that wouldn’t disarrange the perfect arc they formed around her head. She was checking for holes. Next, she’d pull her compact out of her purse and powder her nose; then she’d rummage for a lipstick and redefine her mouth. This was Sally’s personal checklist. As she opened her compact, she said, “It was just across the state line in South Carolina.”

“Any sign of Regina?”

Sally shook her head. “No, honey, I’m sorry. But on the big plus side, no bloodstains.” Sally carefully crossed her legs, smoothing the skirt of her expensive green suit.

Hayden smiled at me again, and it dawned on me that he didn’t smell very good. In fact, that was putting it nicely.

“I can’t imagine what happened,” I said absently, wriggling forward on the couch so I could stand with the baby. I managed this, and took him to the living room, which I’d definitely settled on as the best place to keep the diaper bag and the rubberized pad that you put under Hayden before you took off his diaper. (Experience had taught me the use of the pad.) With scarcely a fumble and no missed snaps, I wiped Hayden’s bottom and changed him. I dropped the soiled wipes in the dirty diaper before I rolled it up and retaped it shut, a refinement of which I was extremely proud.

“Good job,” Sally said approvingly, taking the used diaper from me and marching through the dining room to dispose of it in the kitchen. I heard the gush of running water as she washed her hands.

“I take it Martin knows about the car?” I called.

Sally gave me a funny look. I caught the tail end of it as she rejoined me in the living room. “Yes, the sheriff came to tell him. They’re out there talking in the yard.”

In the yard. Why would Martin talk to the sheriff outside? It was cold, and windy, and… oh shit. Where was our unwanted houseguest? That was why Martin was keeping the sheriff outside.

“What’s wrong?” Sally was paying attention, as usual.

“Nothing!” I said brightly. I was darting little looks out to the hall, the dining room, the kitchen, to see if I could spy Rory. When I looked back at Sally, she was looking skeptical, to say the least.

“And you say,” she began, her. voice an extension of that skeptical look, “that you have no idea what happened out here? Excuse me, Roe, but that’s hardly like you.”

“Listen here, Sally Allison, I have a lapful of trouble without you adding to it,” I said, to my own surprise. Then I burst into tears. If I’d been able to choose, I could hardly have picked a more effective diversion. While Hayden lay on his back on the coffee table, looking around him with increasingly heavy eyes, Sally patted my shoulder vigorously.

I found myself Telling Sally All About It, which means I was telling her my singular emotional reaction to the whole day yesterday, culminating with the appearance of my mother in the kitchen this morning with her own terrible news.

Sally’s pats gradually grew less and less emphatic and more and more punitive.

“What?” I asked, when it dawned on me that she looked sour rather than sympathetic.

“Not about you, is it?” she asked brusquely.

“What?”

“All this. Your stepfather’s sick, so your mother is preoccupied with him, as she should be. Your husband’s niece is missing and her husband is dead, so Martin’s thinking more about his family than he is about you, for once.”

I stared at Sally like a landed fish. Was I really that selfish? Or had Sally been so jealous of me all these years, and I hadn’t noticed? I felt like I’d been negotiating a minefield and the soldier behind me had started chucking rocks over my shoulder.

“You know, Sally, this maybe isn’t the best time to tell me about my character flaws,” I said in as even a voice as I could manage. “I had in mind something like you telling me, ‘There, there, you poor thing,’ rather than implying I’m a selfish bitch who thinks I’m the center of the universe.”

Of course, no matter what I said, I was wondering how much of what Sally had said was true. Did everyone see me that way? Oh God, had all the friends I’d had all these years looked at me and thought, That Roe, she’s okay, but talk about egocentric!

Sally looked stricken, thank God. But my relief faded when she said, “Roe, my timing stinks, I apologize for that. But you’ve never known how lucky you’ve had it. Your mother does everything but wipe your rear for you, and your husband not only thinks he should protect and pamper you, but he has money!”

“And that’s my fault?”

“No!” she said. “No! But it’s your-responsibility!” She looked at her watch and gasped. “City council meeting! I have to go now, Roe, I’ll see you soon.” And she grabbed her purse and flew out the door before I had a chance to respond.

I scooped up the sleeping Precious Burden, and watched through the window as Sally crossed the yard, pausing to talk to Martin and the sheriff. I was glad to see Martin was wearing his waterproof jacket, since the day was overcast and every now and then the sky spit some rain. The sheriff strolled away from Martin, and leaned on Sally’s car, talking to her through the partly open window for a moment before Sally gave a quick wave and swung her car around.

I picked and puzzled at the scene with Sally, which had upset me deeply. I felt like I hadn’t known the lion was within when I’d shut the village gates for the night. Gee whiz-Roe Tea-garden, Monster of Selfishness?