Christine Feehan - Deadly Game

"Except Jack."

"For a night. He wants her to himself tonight, and I was hoping we'd have a few hours together."

Mari stood at the bottom of the steps looking at the wraparound verandah. The night was falling and the wind rustled through the trees. There was a bite of cold in the air. enough to make her shiver.

"Are you afraid of me, Mari?" Ken asked.

She lifted her hand to his face. As always, in the shadow of the night, the scarring faded away, leaving masculine perfection behind. "No. Ken, it's not you." She hesitated as if searching for the right words-or the trust she needed to expose her fears. "It's me. I don't know anything about who I am or what I want. When I'm away from you, I feel as if I can't breathe without you. How can I ever learn to be complete if I go from never making a single decision on my own to being in such an intense relationship?" She looked stricken. "I'm just taking it for granted that you want a relationship. You've never said. Not once."

She retreated, stepping back away from him. away from the house. The forest, with all the gently swaying trees and thick foliage, seemed a refuge, something she knew, somewhere she could hide. She felt exposed and vulnerable and very confused.

"I'll say it now, Mari. I never want you to leave me. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I can give you time-whatever you need." Even as he said it, he didn't know if he was telling the truth. He wanted to give her time, to give her freedom, but there were limits to his abilities and he knew them better than most people.

She traced the outline of his lips. "You're frowning."

"I was lying. I can't lie to you like that. I'm not a perfect man, Mari. I want to be everything you need, but I can't watch you with other men while you figure out whether or not this relationship is the one you want."

"Other men?" Her dark eyes glittered at him. "What do other men have to do with this?"

"I don't want you looking to other men to help you figure things out."

Her eyebrows drew together, and both hands clenched into fists. She glanced toward the forest again, then resolutely turned toward the house and stalked up the stairs to the porch to keep from hitting him. "Other men? You have got to be out of your mind. Did you already forget where I came from?"

Mari paced across the porch, furious with him and herself. She'd put herself in a vulnerable position. She didn't belong here. She stole another look at the forest. She belonged there. She belonged with her sisters. She could trust them. They'd had a plan together, and she had deviated from the plan. She pressed her fingers to her suddenly throbbing temple. What had she done?

He cleared his throat, rubbed the bridge of his nose, and then shoved his hand through his hair in agitation. How the hell did men do this kind of thing on a daily basis? It was like walking through a minefield-one wrong step and everything would blow up in his face. "You're right, that was stupid of me. I'm not doing this very well."

"Get over being worried about me and other men, Ken," she snapped.

He nodded. He'd have to find a way to curb his jealousy fast. She wasn't a woman to put up with it. There was no way to miss the clenched fist. "Most women would have trouble with the solitude up here. In the winter, the road is impassable without snowmobiles. There aren't any phones. We have a radio of course, but not too many women want to be so isolated."

Her gaze flicked to his face. "Do I seem to you the kind of woman who has to be entertained all the time? I'm used to isolation."

"Mari, I've never done this before. Never. I've never once brought a woman to this house or wanted a relationship with one. I may be making every mistake in the book here, but I'm trying to be honest, not judge you."

"Never?"

"Never what?"

"You've never brought a woman here before?"

"This is my sanctuary, sweetheart. My home. I come here when the world closes in on me and I need to regroup. It's calm and peaceful and feels like home. You belong here; no one else ever has."

"I don't really know what a home feels like." She gestured toward the forest. "I look at that and I feel like it's calling to me. I want to run free. Ken. Just run through the trees." Her eyes met his. "Could I do that?"

He tried to still his pounding heart. He knew better than to try to hold a wild bird, but he wanted to grab her with both hands. "Of course. Tomorrow we'll get you a pair of running shoes. You can go out anytime you like. I prefer mornings, but it's beautiful all the time."

She didn't reply, just stood staring at the beckoning trees.

Ken held out his hand to her. She might not be fully committed to a relationship with him. but he was with her. She looked right and felt right in his sanctuary. More than anything else, for all his uneasiness over what to say and do, he felt happy, really happy, just with her being on his property. All he had to do was rind a way to make her feel the same way.

Mari put her hand in his and reluctantly followed him to the solid door, trying not to show fear. "How do you keep this house warm when it's snowing?"

"We use wood heat. We have very efficient fireplaces in the bedrooms, great room, and kitchen. We can close off each wing of the house so it's private and separate, or open them and have one large home."

"And Briony lives here year round?" She latched onto that. She wanted to see Briony-just once. One time. She had lived with memories and fantasies about her twin for so long, she wanted to see her.

"We wouldn't leave her here alone if we were gone on a mission. Jack would never allow that." The words slipped out before he could censor them.

Mari glanced at him sharply as she stepped across the threshold. " Allow ?"

"When it comes to Briony, we're very safety conscious. I imagine you will be as well. She's carrying twins, and Whitney has made several tries to take her. His last try cost us part of the house and one outer building, but the son of a bitch didn't get her."

Mari looked around her. She could see a woman's touch in the home, and her heart did a funny little somersault. Her sister. Briony was really alive and well and living right here, in this house. Her sister whom she hadn't seen in years, but had thought of every single day.

There were thick quilts lying across the backs of well-made furniture, the kind of quilts Mari knew were made with love by hand. Stained glass was cut above each of the windows, the work intricate and beautiful, colors swirling together to form fantasy pictures undoubtedly chosen, or made, by her sister.

Mari walked through the empty rooms, hearing the echo of laughter, feeling the bond of love woven into the very walls. By the time she reached Ken's bedroom, tears burned in her eyes and clogged her throat. She couldn't do this. Why had she thought she could? She wasn't in the least bit feminine. She couldn't decorate a house, or be any kind of a wife or partner. She didn't know about anything but fighting a battle. She should have gone with her sisters-the ones she knew, the ones different in the way she was different. They'd never lived in a home and didn't know the first thing about living in a relationship.

Briony lived here, and Briony knew exactly how to be a wife and mother. She obviously cared for both men, not just Jack. Mari would never be able to live up to her sister. And she was happy for Briony-she really was. She was just sad for herself and feeling like a complete fool to have though she could be someone she wasn't.

Ken's heart nearly stopped when he walked into his bedroom. Mari stood in the middle of it, weeping. "What is it, honey? What's wrong?"

She held out her arms as wide as she could. "Look at this place. I don't know what to do with all of this room. My clothes fit in a locker at the end of my cot. I don't know how to cook, or take care of a house, or even be in a relationship. What was I thinking?"