Brian D'Amato - The Sacrifice Game

He held my deflated eyeball up to my remaining left eye. Its pupil was dilating. A pink drop of vitreous humor stretched out and finally dropped off.

“This sucks,” I said.

2JS said something you could translate as “Your ball days are over. Would you like me to take the other ball as well and put out your sun?” But it was kind of an untranslatable pun, since he used the same word, k’iin, to mean “ball,” “eye,” “day,” and “sun.”

“So you’re giving up on the English?” I asked. He put his fingernail against the eyeball. “I don’t need that eye either,” I said. “Not if I’m going to be looking at you, anyway. You look like if Margaret Hamilton had been in Once Were Warriors.” I was still acting blustery but actually I was worried I was about to crack, getting to that point when the doctors of pain really do become a lot more frightening than death, just flailing on this macker of panic. The pain and the idea of blindness were heavy enough but 2 Jeweled Skull’s character was another whole level of pressure, I was fighting his insight into character and his near-mirror-perfect insight into me especially, fighting his old dominance over Chacal, fighting his Jedness, it was rough. Maybe I’ll just tell him what’s going on and we’ll all laugh it off later. No, wait. Squelch that. Cold out. But instead of using up the other eye he wiped his finger off while one of the teasers stuffed my empty eye socket with chili strings. At first it was just shrieking sound and flashes of lightning, my reptile brain thinking I’d been frozen and dropped and shattered, and then it peaked and settled into a long, slow shriek of the razor wire through the vessels, sharkskinning all 862 receptor neurons from the wrong side, the inside. For some reason I came out of it singing, “I don’t care, I don’t care,” like Judy Garland in In the Good Old Summertime. I could hear tears dripping out of my eye onto the mat, but was pretty sure everyone could tell they were only from laughing. Someone threw water over me to shut me up and get my attention.

“This is your last chance for me to just kill your friend,” 2JS said too impatiently. “Otherwise he’s going to be a twenty-year captive.”

“Well, I just have to let him go,” I said. Just don’t tell him, I thought. Don’t tell him about the earthstar compound, and don’t tell him what Lady Koh’s planning to do. Just those two things. Anything else is fine. Just hang on to those for a little longer and… and… well, and then there’s at least a chance, a slim chance…

2JS gave the order to gag me. The teasers started packing up Armadillo Shit, who I guess had died. If I was going to talk like that, 2JS wanted to talk to me alone. He turned for a last stab at Hun Xoc. Three fingers were sticking out of his mouth in an actually pretty comical way.

Your skin tastes sour, 2JS said. Like you’re nervous, like you’re lying. Where did 9 Wax go after he abandoned you? He pulled the fingers out of Hun Xoc’s mouth.

He ran south, down the path to the yellow gate, Hun Xoc said. There were traitors from the Snuffler clan waiting there to meet him. They were going to smuggle him to Kaminaljuyu.

Whoa, I thought.

Hun Xoc had figured out I’d been going for the well. Maybe he’d heard about the earthstar stuff or maybe he just figured out that something was up.

Either way, he was lying for me. It was unheard of.

Even I was shocked. Resisting your father wasn’t just individual disobedience. It was irreparably damaging the family’s eternal uay. It was heavy business.

“Behead me, please,” I said in a flood of resignation. No need to be flip. Just get it over with. Just don’t tell him. “I don’t know anything, just offer me. Make me holy.”

Hun Xoc looked at me. His eyes had sunk into that steely war face, that don’t-tell-them-anything-no-matter-what expression. I signed “Agreed” with my remaining eye.

Which was about it for a while. Maybe they blasted me again. I can’t have blacked out right then, but whenever I did go under I must have lost the time just before.

I realized I was awake again, but there was a minute or so before I could remember where I really was, and instead I thought I was back in the hospital in K’oben, where I’d been when my parents were killed. It was all soaked with gallons of urine and just this solid despair when you don’t even know what despair is. I’ll remember that smell forever, I mean, at least once per minute between now and forever. Anyway, at some point I figured out that I wasn’t a fantasizing sick little kid anymore, I was in this really unusual situation, and I wasn’t in a cinder-block building or underground or anything, I was just bandaged over my eyes, and I was in one of an array of captive baskets set in rows like livestock pens. It was stuffy but there was a ventilating shaft overhead. At some point I realized Hun Xoc was nearby. But we just identified ourselves with the usual apologies and it’s-all-rights, and didn’t say anything else. They were hoping we’d start talking. Idiots, I thought, of course I wasn’t going to say anything. I wouldn’t say anything if we were tied up outside in the middle of a desert for a year and I was sure no one was listening. We worked out an alternating “beater” job position so we could keep track of time. My roughly eight-hour shifts were from what we figured was dawn to noon and then from dusk to midnight. Sometimes I got tired of counting time by Maya beats and started to do it by running through the B side of the Beatles’ Abbey Road album over and over. It’s 19.2 minutes long and it’s so easy to hum it’s like “Happy Birthday,” you can keep time with it and still think about whatever else you want. Maybe we’d be here for years, I thought. Maybe 2JS had worked his thing out and we were just being stored until we cracked. Or didn’t. Twenty years is 547,500 Abbey Road B sides. When it wasn’t my turn to be the clock I just drifted in and out. When you’re a bound prisoner you get to a stage where you can’t sleep, it’s just too uncomfortable, so you sleep in patches, conking out and starting awake again. At about twenty-six hours into our confinement torchlight came in from one side under my bandages and someone pulled our heads up and poured water back into our mouths. Probably the giggle water, I thought. Who cares. Anyway, we’ll get to check it out. The guard didn’t change or even loosen the bonds. Although I already felt I was sensing where the spy was, about one rope-length behind us. No matter how quiet he was being you could learn to distinguish it from the breezes outside. At thirty hours, the flies started biting. At least they stuck to my left side for some reason. Maybe it was wetter. A better spot for their eggs. At thirty-one hours in I started to smell a black tinge of Clostridium, the herald of gangrene, from my poisoned right foot. Great, I thought, on top of everything else. I just lay there, straining my right wrist-rope in a circular motion against its wicker cleat that, in a couple of years, might even wear it through, feeling my scabs crinkling, skin rotting, my body just turning into bits of dirt. My okay leg could feel the heat from my bad leg’s decay. I’m just a compost bin, I thought. Postconsumer. Consumed. There weren’t a lot of events. Sounds rose and fell outside, all too confused to read. They could have been a battle, a party, a herd of moose, anything. Once in a while a pair of red rats ran under the baskets. I made friends with the columns of flies and Pediculidae lice surveying me for development. The thing is, pure despair isn’t really that interesting to talk about. After a while, even pain gets boring. Forty-one hours into our confinement, right after my morning clock shift, the wind died down and the rot wafted up again.