Giles Blunt - No Such Creature

“Very.” Zig sat forward and spoke in a low voice. “May I tell you something in confidence?” He was happy with that may . Never used the word himself, but a private investigator would for sure.

Bullard shrugged. “Knock yourself out.”

“These men are professional thieves.”

“Uh-huh. Why you telling me?”

“I’m trying to be helpful to you. Because I’m hoping you’ll be helpful to me. I need to interview the young lady in question. I believe she has information crucial to my case.” Crucial . Another good word.

“I doubt very much that Sabrina knows anything about their business. She only met these yahoos a couple of days ago.”

“You know she’s been staying with them? And where?”

“A trailer park,” Bullard said.

Zig laughed. “I have to say, Mr. Bullard, you’re outclassing us on every level. You must be on the job yourself. How did you know about the trailer park?”

“You oughta try praying now and again, Mr. Zigler. You’d learn a lot of things.”

“No, really, I have a professional interest here.”

“I just pray for insight. You should try it.”

“Do you have any reason to think she might be coming back to you? Have you talked to her?”

Bullard shook his head. “She doesn’t answer her cellphone. She’ll come back, though. I’ve prayed on it, and I believe with the Lord’s help I can persuade her.”

“I see. You prayed on it.”

Bullard just shook his head again, slowly this time, as if in pity, as if there were secrets too deep for the likes of Zig to fathom. His cellphone rang and he peered at the tiny screen before answering.

Zig stood up and mouthed the word “washroom.” Bullard pointed.

“Who’m I talking to?” Bill said, stepping out onto the balcony to take the call. It was sunny now, but humid from yesterday’s rain. The screen on his cell said Sabrina .

“You can call me Owen.”

“You’re using Sabrina’s phone. Put her on.”

“She isn’t here. She left the phone behind.”

“Don’t bullshit me, boy. Sabrina wouldn’t do that.”

“Okay, you’re right. I took it from her. I didn’t want her calling you.”

Bill looked over toward the washroom. He did not trust this so-called PI, not by a long shot.

“Are you who I think you are, boy?” he said into the phone.

“We met the other night in Vegas. You beat me up in a parking lot.”

“You’re the kid tried to interfere?”

“It was nothing personal. I just wanted you to stop hitting her.”

“You got spunk, kid, I’ll say that for you. Short on common sense, though. Tell me something, boy.”

“What’s that?”

“What did I get clocked with that night, a baseball bat? I woke up with one hell of a headache.”

“Parking meter.”

“Parking meter. There ain’t no parking meters left in Las Vegas.”

“They were taking them out, I guess. There was a whole bunch stacked up at the edge of the lot.”

“That a fact. Well, I give you credit for resourcefulness.” Bill glanced through the reflected Dallas skyline toward the washroom door. “I got company right now, why don’t you state your business?”

“I have something for you from Sabrina.”

“What would that be?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t open it. Kind of a fat envelope.”

“Sabrina’s got my number. Address, too. Why would she give you something to give me, that being the case?”

“Look, I’m doing you a favour. I didn’t have to call.”

“Why’d she give it to you, boy? Answer the question.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why she does anything she does. She’s a confusing person.”

“That’s a understatement right there, is what that is.” Bill raised a boot toward a pigeon that was sidling along the balcony railing. It flapped away. “But it still don’t answer why she give it to you.”

“Obviously, she doesn’t want to see you in person.”

“Obviously. Is that your word?”

“Anyway, she didn’t give it to me, exactly. She took off in the middle of the night and she left two envelopes on the table-one for me, one for you.”

“And what was in yours, boy?”

“A kind of apology, I guess you could say. For taking off without saying goodbye. But yours is fatter. Could be money in it, I don’t know. Maybe photographs. Says Urgent on it. You want me to open it?”

“No, I do not.”

“Okay, fine. Just give me an address, I’ll drop it in a mailbox. Wish I’d never met either of you.”

Bill chuckled. “Burned your ass good, did she?”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay, kid, where you at right now, you in Dallas?”

“Yeah, but I’m leaving in about forty-five minutes.”

“Fine. Bring it to me over at the Hyatt Regency. Room 3114. Keep in mind, if you try any funny stuff, you will pay the price.”

The shower had one of those expensive rainforest heads, and there was a basket full of soaps and shampoos. Big soaps. There was a bidet, and a sparkling marble floor. Yes, it looked like Mr. Bullard earned himself a good dollar.

When he came back out, Bullard was still on his cell out on the balcony.

Zig took a gander at the other room. King-size bed with a big fluffy duvet, another flat-panel TV, must have been fifty inches, and hotel robe and slippers. The Gideon Bible was open on the bedside table. Did anyone actually read those things?

An eight-by-ten picture lay on the bed, a hot-looking girl in tank top and jeans. Zig recognized her from Clem’s description-green eyes, dark hair, kind of a fuck-you expression on her face. He could see why this guy was obsessed with her. Body like that, yes sir, Zig could definitely work up an interest quite aside from the financial. He was equipped for all kinds of eventualities.

No female stuff anywhere in the room. No way she was staying here. So, if Bill knew where the hell this Sabrina was, where the hell was she?

Zig went back to the other room. He examined the round table where a white laptop was open, the screen dark. Zig glanced over at the balcony and casually pressed a key. The screen lit up with a map. He bent to look closer.

“What the hell you think you’re doing?” Bullard said.

Zig grinned. “I see the Lord has opened his own website here, Mr. Bullard. ‘Find My Girlfriend dot com,’ is that what it’s called? Let’s see, what’s this do?”

He hit Update. The map shifted and the red arrow took a step east on 80.

“Get away from there,” Bill said. “I’m not joking now.”

“Okay, okay, I’m cool.” Zig backed away from the laptop, hands raised in the air. “Nice to see you and the Lord communicating by cyberspace.”

“The Lord communicates through whatever media He pleases. Now tell me-you ain’t no private investigator, so why you so all-fired interested in where Sabrina is at?”

“I told you, I need to ask her some questions. Beyond that, I’m not at liberty to say.”

“Bullshit.”

“Tell me something, Bullard. You’re a religious man. You imagine you’re a good influence on that girl?”

“I know I am. Sabrina suffered a godless upbringing. I’m doing my best to rectify that.”

“I see. You think you’re straightening her out?”

“Yessir. I have opened her heart on several issues. But there is none so blind as he who will not see, and she is still resistant in many ways.”

“You advise her on the Ten Commandments? ‘Thou shalt not steal’ and so on?”

“I prefer to focus on the positive. The benefits of prayer and good works.”

“Because it seems like she doesn’t get the part about not stealing.”

“What’re you talking about, peckerwood?”