Michael Robotham - Say You're sorry

What causes this yearning? Where does it begin? A powerless childhood, a chaotic past, impossible expectations; it could be any number of things, but along the way he developed a sense of entitlement or an anger at being denied his right.

Closing my eyes, I try to picture him, not his face, but his mind. There you are! I see you now! You’re a clever thief, bold as brass; you snatched two teenage girls who had known each other since infanthood-same hospital, same primary school, same classes. You planned this in advance, first in your fantasies, then adding elements from the real world.

But why choose these girls? Surely a prostitute would have suited your purposes. Easier to acquire, more anonymous than most, prostitutes are always disappearing but they rarely earn headlines or have a nation on alert. Missing schoolgirls aren’t forgotten. They’re cherished and prayed for and expected home.

You chose Piper and Natasha because they meant something to you, or represented someone. Possession and ownership, that’s how it began, but later the motive changed. Perhaps the luster wore off. You grew bored, or the girls weren’t as compliant as you wished. The reality was never going to match up to your fantasies.

That’s when you discovered another form of control. Punishment. Inflicting pain. Look what you did to Tash. What more intimate example is there of punishing a woman than to deny her something that makes her a woman? You removed her clitoris. You denied her sexual gratification. She might still be a sex object, but would never enjoy sex in the same way.

You expected to be horrified… to feel guilt or remorse, but it didn’t happen. Instead, it was the purest of joys because you had never known anything so intimate or invasive or final. It was the most inspiring and fulfilling moment of your life.

Now you’ve lost one of your possessions. Tash managed to escape and almost get home. She would have unmasked you and destroyed your elaborate secret life.

You’ll be chastened. You’ll go to ground for a while. If Piper is still alive she is alone, more vulnerable than ever. The closer we get to you, the greater danger she’ll face. You’ll protect yourself by removing all trace of her.

Taking a notebook, I begin jotting down bullet points.

• Mid-thirties to late fifties. • Above average intelligence. • He will live alone or with an ageing relative or a subservient wife-some form of domestic arrangement where nobody will question his movements or unexplained absences. • Tertiary qualifications or training that requires discipline and accuracy. • Knowledge of the area. (The girls disappeared quickly.) • Knowledge of the victims. (He chose them for a reason.) • He doesn’t see himself as a monster. He deserves this. This is his reward. • In the beginning he focused on interaction with the girls, but he has become a sadist. • He craves order in a disordered world, but is constantly being disappointed because nothing and nobody matches up to his high expectations. • He is forensically aware. Careful. Practiced.

The cab drops me at Abingdon Police Station. DCI Drury is in the CCTV control room. He hasn’t been home. Rings of perspiration stain his armpits and his body odor follows him like a noxious cloud. Hayden McBain and his uncle are being held in separate cells. Left to sweat or to cool off.

The control room has six TV screens and a console that looks like something from an episode of Star Trek. Attention is focused on one screen: forty-four seconds of grainy black and white footage showing a man siphoning petrol from a parked car. He’s wearing a hooded sweatshirt and a baseball cap.

The spiky-haired operator adjusts the controls. “The camera is only four blocks away from the house.”

“I can’t see his face,” says Drury.

“There aren’t enough pixels. Pull it up any further, you lose quality.”

“Can you try?”

The operator adjusts the brightness and contrast.

Drury turns to me. “Is that Hayden McBain?”

“Could be anyone.”

“Christ, what a mess!”

Drury’s team has gathered upstairs for a briefing. Sleep-stung, nursing cups of takeaway coffee, many of them I now recognize, although I don’t know their names. A female DS introduces herself. Karen Middleton. She has wide-apart eyes and too much make-up.

Grievous is cleaning the whiteboard and making sure the marker pens have matching lids. He has taken a shine to Ruiz and the two of them have matching extra-large cups of coffee.

Ruiz raises his cup to Drury. “Morning, Columbo.”

“You’re not as funny as you look.”

Ruiz grins. “Day’s still early. Wait till the caffeine kicks in. I’m a certified barrel of laughs.”

Drury enters the circle of detectives, shrugging off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. The symbolism isn’t missed or necessary. Around him, detectives are perched on the edge of desks and sitting backwards on chairs.

“You all know what happened last night,” says Drury. “We now have another death to investigate.”

“You must be joking,” mutters one of the sergeants.

The DCI turns his head slowly. “You see me laughing, DS?”

“No, boss.”

“A man was killed last night. A crime was committed.”

“Yes, boss.”

“That crime has to be investigated. If you don’t want to do your job, you can fuck off now.”

“Yes, boss.”

The briefing continues with Drury breaking the task force into teams. A dozen detectives will investigate the riot and the fire. The rest are to review the original investigation into the Bingham Girls, based on a new timeline.

“We now believe the girls may have disappeared on Saturday night instead of Sunday morning. That means rechecking alibis, interviewing suspects and studying photographs for the Bingham Summer Festival.

“I want the new time frame run through the computer database. Let’s see what HOLMES2 comes up with. Where did they go on Saturday night? Who did they talk to? Who saw them?”

Chief Constable Fryer appears in the incident room, wearing his full dress uniform, peeling off leather gloves, a big man, full of confidence, on a mission.

Detectives find their feet. Fryer only has eyes for Drury.

“Your office. Now!”

The chief constable notices Ruiz and pauses. “Vincent?”

“Thomas.”

“You’ve grown fat.”

“No fatter than you.”

The two men stare at each other.

“We should have a beer,” says Fryer, turning and striding towards Drury’s office. He slams the door with such force it bounces open again, allowing everyone to hear his contained fury.

“What in fuck’s name were you thinking arresting Hayden McBain? Have you heard the radio? They’re crucifying us. They’re saying we arrested the grieving brother of a murder victim-a teenage girl we took three years to find. Do you see how it looks?”

The DCI tries to hold his ground. “With all due respect, sir, we can’t let a mob rule the streets. Augie Shaw is dead. Someone threw a petrol bomb through his front window.”

“Someone? You don’t know who?”

“McBain and his uncle incited the riot. We have witnesses. He doesn’t have the right to take the law into his own hands.”

“Don’t tell me about his rights, Detective.” Fryer drops his voice. “Did Augie Shaw have an opportunity to escape from the house?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So he was complicit in his own death.”

“He didn’t start the fire.”

“I accept that, DCI, but answer me this: do you believe Augie Shaw killed the Heymans?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Did he kidnap Natasha McBain?”

“Quite possibly, sir.”

“Augie Shaw could be the answer to your prayers, Stephen. Wrap this up. Close the file on the Heymans and let the coroner decide what happened to Natasha McBain.”