Liz Jensen - The Rapture

I lose sight of Bethany for a while, but when I see her again I realise she must have tried to make an escape because her two ushers are now on either side of her, gripping her elbows. A blonde teenage girl spits as they bundle her past, darkening the back of her T-shirt with a splat of bubbled saliva. Fury roars through me. Unaware, Bethany keeps going, her gait uneven and puppet-like, as though she is concentrating on keeping her spine straight. When we catch up with the blonde girl, I abandon all pretence of professionalism and grab her arm.

‘How dare you behave like that,’ I hiss. ‘Bethany’s sixteen. She’s a kid. A damaged kid.’

‘But she killed her own mum, right?’ counters the girl. The crucifix around her neck flashes at me. ‘And she made this whole thing happen.’

‘No. That’s wrong. She’s here for good reasons.’

‘No she isn’t,’ says the girl, looking down at me with the kind of scorn that only teenagers have the confidence for.

‘How do you know?’ I snap. My nerves are so frayed I could scream.

‘Because I’m sixteen too. I saw the look on her face. She’s taking the piss.’

‘Come on,’ says Frazer Melville urgently. ‘Let’s not lose her.’

Grabbing the handles of my chair, he gives me a sharp shove forward. Our two ushers are now fully engaged in clearing a way for us in the throng so that we can enter the stadium unimpeded. Frazer Melville’s force is propelling me on through the surge of bodies cascading through the plastic strips that form the structure’s porous wall. It’s like being filtered into the cavernous, chaotic stomach of a whale. I’m aware of the sheer, impossible quantity of flesh and molecules around me, and of my own insignificance in the moiling throng.

‘She’s up ahead,’ Frazer Melville shouts, leaning down so I can hear. ‘I can see her. Let’s just keep going and hope we can catch up.’

Despite the post-Olympic downsizing of the stadium, it seems even more immense in its present form, too large for one set of eyes to absorb. Its far end is unlit, so that the effect is that of entering a dark-throated cave whose mouth is a pool of brightness. At the near end, ringed by the running track, the stage is a white floodlit disc, its centre dominated by a gigantic fountain of blinding white lilies. Where did such a spectacular creation come from? Who organised it at such short notice? Nearby, beyond the microphones, stands a collection of giant white blocks of staggered height, clearly intended for a choir. The warm-up team is still at work, but perhaps to cope with the shift in the emotional current, the preachers have split up, with each now addressing a different section of the lit space from the outer edges of the stage. Our ushers pause for a hurried discussion and I scan the rows of seats looking for Bethany. But there’s no sign of her. On all sides, we are surrounded by people, some sitting, others milling about in the wide aisles. Even before my accident, I felt uncomfortable in crowds, aware of the inherent danger of shoaling masses. A shudder works its way through me and I feel Frazer Melville’s hand pressing on my shoulder. He squeezes. Does he need me as much as I need him? I tip my head back and he leans down and kisses me hard on the mouth. Then he is jostled by someone and pulls away sharply and I am left with just the taste of him.

‘This way,’ says the female usher, directing me towards a row of seating at the front of the stage. ‘Stay there,’ she indicates woodenly. Frazer Melville seats himself at the end of the row and I position myself next to him in the aisle, while she speaks to someone on her headset. I strain to catch what she is saying. ‘Yes, Reverend. As I understand it, sir, yes… She quoted Matthew. Forgiveness…’ Out of the blue, her blunt face is lit by a smile whose beauty surprises me. ‘Just give the signal… we certainly will, sir… God bless you and your family too, sir. We will meet again in God’s Kingdom.’ Frazer Melville’s minder seems to have disappeared during this discussion, but a moment later I see him on the other side of the stadium, directing people up stairways into the rows of seats around the structure’s nearside rim. But it’s at ground level that the biggest crowds are congregating. And it’s here, all around us, that the unease is most palpable. Some people, unashamedly panicking, are barging against the surge of those still entering, forming a hysterical counter-current. Others are on their knees, eyes tight shut, praying intensely. A bottle-blonde woman in a pink bathrobe has climbed on to the top of a huge loudspeaker and is mouthing a prayer, or perhaps an elaborate curse, incoherently and at great speed. She’s holding some kind of package up as though pleading with the grubby cauliflower clouds that are ruching the sky. Her husband is shouting at her to come the fuck down, Trish . But he may as well be speaking Chinese.

‘Where’s Bethany?’ I ask the usher.

‘We’re taking care of her.’

‘She wants to see her father! That’s why we came!’

‘Don’t worry,’ she says. ‘It’s OK. She’s on her way to him right now.’

Frazer Melville and I exchange a miserable glance. Never have I felt so helpless.

‘Welcome, people!’ A young, energetic preacher, tracked by a moving spotlight, has bounced to the edge of the stage in front of us, hands aloft, white-blond hair backlit. Behind him, beyond the rim of the stage, pure blackness.

‘Hard times — some of the severest times ever seen by man — are about to be witnessed on the shores of our nation.’ His voice is gravelly with reverb. ‘Our elders confirm, and the Bible confirms, that we are now on the threshold of the End Times.’ There are a few thrilled shrieks and some raucous cheering. One of his shoes has a white lily petal stuck to it, and for some reason this makes me want to cry. I picture the huge greenhouses in which those flowers were forced into blossom, the rows of hydroponics, the harsh artificial sunlight, so bright the workers must wear sunglasses. People with livelihoods, passions, cars, tracksuits, allergies, lovers, children, favourite brands of cereal. ‘May they feel a heart-change and come to the Lord! That’s what the Rapture’s all about! Salvation! Redemption! I believe in it. Do you believe in it?’

There’s a surge of assent: whistles, hallelujahs and catcalls. A perverse thought — what if they’re right? — sprouts in my mind. I’m aware of the pink-clad woman on the loudspeaker nearby screaming something, holding up her lumpy bundle to the sky like an offering. When she tilts it at an angle, I realise it’s a baby.

From behind me I overhear the words ‘murdered’, ‘kidnapped’, ‘Devil’ and ‘pre-Trib’.

Like me, Frazer Melville is scanning the stadium for Bethany. But there’s still no sign of her. I squeeze his hand. When our eyes connect, something deep and private is swiftly exchanged. A feeling that cannot be doubted. A knowledge which in other circumstances would cramp my heart with bliss, not pain. Cuan-do te tengo a ti vida, cuanto te quiera.

But we’re circling the drain.

When Kristin Jons dottir and Harish Modak talked me through the various stages of rapid climate catastrophe back in the farmhouse, it seemed too theoretical to be terrifying. But now the knowledge is visceral. Out at sea, the jolt that shook Buried Hope Alpha giving way to further violent spasms. Ships sucked down, sub-sea cables destroyed. The sea floor erupting, caving in on itself, tonnes of sediment avalanching in a second earth-shock. The first giant wave triggered, and then building, and then sweeping in. Then the domino effect. One sub-sea landslide leading to another, each releasing millions of tonnes of trapped hydrates. A vicious chain of tsunamis barrelling through the linked oceans. Everywhere, methane that lay buried for millions of years suddenly freed, roaring to the surface and combusting on contact with the oxygen. The ocean on fire, pulsing gas high into the atmosphere. As the days and weeks pass, the air and water growing ever hotter. The heat dislodging more hydrate fields. Until continent after continent and sea after sea has joined the paroxysm. The vicious cycle creating within only months and years a world where the sun’s glare roasts the planet. Climate warming gone psychotic. Glaciers melting, the warmer oceans expanding to drown coasts and cities and forests, crushed by the pressure of salt water and mineral froth, sunk under a deep blue whose surface bears the poignant relics of human endeavour: hair-curlers, oil drums, condoms, empty Evian bottles, plastic Barbie dolls in sexy outfits.