Alex Barclay - Blood Loss

‘Wait,’ said Colin. ‘What the hell is going on here?’

‘Nothing,’ said Ren. She walked down the hallway, and started to jog down the steps.

Colin followed her down. ‘Wait up, for Christ’s sake. What’s your point?’

Ren spun around. ‘I know what you did to get this job,’ she said.

‘What?’ He started to walk past her. ‘The shit you talk.’

Ren grabbed his arm. ‘Don’t fucking walk away from me-’

Colin froze. Ren didn’t let go.

‘You fucked that man’s entire life up,’ said Ren.

‘What man?’ said Colin.

‘Taber Grace, you asshole! Taber Grace.’

‘What?’ said Colin. ‘I replaced a loser who got fired.’ He pulled away from Ren’s grip. ‘I was second in line for the job, so … obviously, I was the one who would take his place.’ He started to walk away again.

‘You got him fired,’ said Ren. ‘Quit the fucking bullshit, Colin. When I tell you I know what you did, that means I fucking know, OK? It doesn’t mean I’m guessing, or I’ve got a sneaking fucking suspicion, it means I know.’

Colin was staring at her.

‘You set him up,’ said Ren.

‘You’re insane,’ said Colin. ‘You are nuts.’

‘You sent an email to Gary that showed Taber Grace had lied about some piddling little misdemeanor from his teens about a fire that one of his friends had set, but that he ended up getting sucked into and being in court about — nothing of consequence when you look at it. You knew that Gary Dettling particularly hates lies and you emailed him the information. Anonymously . I found it in Taber Grace’s personnel file.’

Oh my God. Not a flicker.

‘You used a BellSouth account with the user name “colonel”. Like your car. Delusions of grandeur there too.’ Ren’s heart started to pound. ‘Didn’t you?’ she said. ‘You hacked into his home computer and you used personal emails to his old buddies to set him up.’

‘Why would I have to do that?’ said Colin. ‘I graduated top of my class, I could have had a job anywhere in the entire country. Why would I be so desperate to-’

‘You didn’t get this job, though, did you?’ said Ren. ‘You failed your first big interview after the academy. You followed a Denver woman all the way here, proposed and everything, assuming, because you’re an arrogant prick, that you’d get this job. But she dumped you, no doubt realizing that you were an arrogant prick, and then, to add insult to injury, you didn’t get the job. Making you a double loser.’

Colin’s eyes were lit with anger.

‘And you don’t like being a loser,’ said Ren. ‘Everything is about winning with you, isn’t it? And being seen to win. Here’s Colin Grabien graduating top of his class, high school, college, the Academy. Oh, and here he is meeting the woman of his dreams, heading to Denver to be the man in a new Violent Crimes Task Force, and … uh-oh, hold on a minute, he’s been dumped, and uh-oh, he didn’t get that job after all. Now what? Who’s Colin Grabien now?’

Colin took a step toward her. Ren stared him down.

‘So, get rid of Taber Grace,’ said Ren, ‘maybe you could step in like a knight in shining armor, show Gary the mistake he’d made not taking you on, well, that would be even better than getting the job in the first place. And, who knows, maybe you’d get the girl back,’ said Ren. ‘But whatever the hell happened, your big move to Denver wouldn’t be such a public humiliation.’

‘I’m not listening to this shit,’ said Colin.

‘Why would you?’ said Ren.

‘Get out of my face,’ said Colin.

‘No.’

‘You’re a fucking nut job,’ said Colin.

‘You’re a sociopath. A textbook fucking sociopath.’

‘You need to read some new textbooks.’ Colin walked out the door, and Ren followed him into the sub-zero night.

‘Stop,’ she said. Her breath caught in the icy air.

Colin kept walking.

‘How can you live with yourself?’ said Ren. ‘You stole your job from someone, you ruined his life, his family’s life. And he knew you did it, that’s the worst part. And he didn’t take it any further. He just walked away.’

Colin shrugged.

I want to kill you. ‘I can’t believe you’re not even-’

Colin turned around and stabbed a finger at her as he spoke. ‘You should listen to yourself some time. You are so messed up. You’re in there trying to make sense of a kid who nearly fucking raped you? Are you out of your mind?’

Ren’s heart was pounding. ‘What the-’

Colin stuck his head right up in her face. ‘Ren? You are one crazy motherfucking bitch.’

Ren punched him. The second punch caught his chin, and sent him staggering backwards. The boot slammed against his kneecap brought him to the ground. The sound of his right elbow breaking, and the cry that followed, was drowned out by the slam of the door, as Gary Dettling got out of his car.

Ren stood at the sink in the Safe Streets ladies room running cold water over her hand. Her knuckles were flaming. Her nose was red from the cold, her eyes were streaming. Cliff had driven Colin to the hospital. The official story was that he slipped on the ice. The unofficial story was what Ren was now working on as the water numbed her hand, and the pain of the cold traveled up her arm. Gary was waiting for this story. For this work of fiction.

Gary hammered on the door. Ren jumped and hit her hand on the faucet.

‘Ren, get out here. Don’t pull the ladies room bullshit. I’m coming in.’

‘No,’ said Ren. ‘Don’t. I’ll be right there.’

She heard him walk away. Huge angry strides.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

She walked down the hallway. Her head felt vaporous. And so did her story.

Which shade of asshole can I paint Colin Grabien that Gary will buy? What could Colin have said to make me snap? What could be worse than the shit Gary has already heard Colin say to me that hasn’t made me snap ? Ren kept walking. I can’t do the not-telling-of-the-truth. But I have no proof. And Gary is the man who always needs proof. Watertight, black and white proof. That I can’t provide unless I admit sneaking into an old box of personnel files in the creepy haunted basement of Safe Streets.

Ren flexed the fingers of her red right hand.

Gary Dettling sat at his desk, staring at the door. He continued to stare at the door after Ren had sat down in front of him.

Then he fixed his eyes on her. ‘Colin Grabien has offered his resignation.’

What. The. Fuck?

‘Ren, I’m not going to dress this up for you: you are manic. You have been manic for the past month at least.’

There are two coffee stains on this carpet. I hope I’m not responsible for them. I bring coffee in here a lot …

‘Ren!’ said Gary. ‘This can’t go on. You are going to have to go back on medication-’

‘What?’ said Ren.

‘You heard me,’ said Gary.

‘No,’ said Ren, ‘I don’t think I did. You’re telling me, after everything this case brought up-’

‘Ren, you’ve been on mood stabilizers before and they work for you. I’m not asking you to take a drug that hasn’t been trialed or is making people psychotic. I’m asking you to take a drug that has worked for you in the past, and that hasn’t caused you any side effects.’

‘But-’

‘What’s your solution?’ said Gary. ‘What do you think you should do? What do you think I should do?’

‘I’ll go and see Dr Lone.’

‘Ren! That’s a given. And on its own, talking hasn’t worked for you, because you either stonewall these psychiatrists or sidestep them. Therapy works if you talk, it won’t if you don’t. But before you even begin to start doing that, you need medication to get you back on an even keel. I could list all the things you’ve done, and all the things that have happened to you, but you know what they are. You scared the crap out of me. What happened with Cameron Temple was …’ He took in a breath. ‘Ren, I don’t ever want to get a phone call like that again.’