Alex Barclay - Blood Loss

‘It’s … it’s an antidepressant,’ said Melissa. Tears streamed down her face.

‘What?’ said Taber. ‘An antidepressant? I said no to that-’

‘You wanted to change his diet ,’ said Melissa, ‘get him into sports more, but I was the one who was going to have to do all that. I was going to have to be the one to make all these healthy meals, to fight with him every mealtime, say no when he wanted to watch television … I’d have to drive him to all his sports. I just didn’t have the time.’

‘You didn’t have the time?’ said Taber. ‘So you gave him drugs? Were you out of your mind?’

‘Yes!’ said Melissa. ‘I was! I had lost my husband! I was suddenly a single mom-’

‘Single mom!’ said Taber. ‘I’ve been in TJ’s life more than any other divorced father I know.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Melissa. ‘I know … It seems crazy to

me now. But … I … I thought I was doing the right thing.’

‘By giving him drugs meant for adults?’ said Taber. ‘I cannot believe-’

‘They were being prescribed to children-’

‘Were they even approved for that?’ said Taber.

Melissa paused. ‘No … not officially, but doctors were giving them to lots of kids. I talked to other moms …’

‘Oh, Jesus,’ said Taber. ‘Now I know how I know the name Cerxus. It was taken off the market. There was something about the side effects in kids-’

‘No, it wasn’t,’ said Melissa. ‘It wasn’t. It’s still on the market. But-’

‘There was a TV special too, wasn’t there?’ said Taber. ‘Something about withdrawal symptoms-’

‘But-’

‘You better tell me the whole truth here,’ said Taber. ‘So help me God.’

‘There were side effects … with Cerxus … with children,’ said Melissa. ‘It made them … it gave them suicidal thoughts. And could … it could cause psychotic episodes.’

‘Psychotic episodes?’ said Taber. ‘Psychotic episodes.’ He turned slowly to TJ. Nine years old. Melissa’s suicide attempt. The 911 call.

‘Oh, TJ …’ said Taber. ‘TJ …’

‘Yeah, it was me,’ said TJ, jumping to his feet. ‘I shot her.’ He stabbed a finger toward Melissa. ‘It wasn’t her, she wasn’t trying to kill herself. It was me. I found your gun. I don’t even know what happened. All I remember is being really angry. Mom told me what to say to the paramedics, she told me over and over …’

‘And I got the same story,’ said Taber. He turned to Melissa. ‘You told him to tell his own father the same story. Jesus Christ, Melissa. What did I ever do to-’ He broke down.

‘You would have gone crazy-’ said Melissa.

‘I’m suddenly a monster, now?’ said Taber. ‘You think you could not have come to me with that?’

‘Of course not,’ said Melissa. ‘I … I knew there would be no way back. I knew that-’

‘All I do every day,’ said Taber, ‘is deal with liars. People who hide things. People who deny things, and screw people’s lives up. And my job is to find out all their little secrets. That’s my job. And for six years, my wife and son have been lying to me. Right under my nose. I cannot believe this.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Melissa. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘And whatever about you,’ said Taber, ‘you made TJ bury all that, have that rotting away inside him — what? For the rest of his life? How could you put him through that?’

‘I didn’t want TJ being branded as some psychopath,’ said Melissa, ‘or having some record because of it. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought he was young, he was confused as it was, and I thought that his memory would fade.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ said Taber.

‘I was not in a good place,’ said Melissa. ‘I can see that now, but at the time, I thought this was the only way out of a terrible situation. I was in shock. I was trying to think quickly, and … I guess once I started lying, there was no going back.’

‘I can’t …’ said Taber. He stood up. ‘I can’t talk to you right now.’

‘No, dad,’ said TJ. ‘Don’t go, dad, don’t — I’m so sorry, dad, I’m so sorry.’

Taber leaned down and grabbed TJ’s shoulders. ‘TJ — look at me, OK? Look at me.’

Tears were streaming down TJ’s face.

‘TJ,’ said Taber. ‘I love you very much. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing. This is not your fault. I’m leaving right now, but it’s because I have to process all this. I don’t want to say anything I might regret.’

Melissa stood up and reached for Taber’s arm. ‘Taber, don’t. Please don’t-’

‘I do not know what to say to you, Melissa. I … I’m at a loss. I don’t know how to feel.’

‘You hate me now, don’t you?’ she said. ‘You hate me.’

‘I don’t,’ said Taber. ‘I don’t hate you. I … I just have to go.’

Taber managed to make it down the hallway, out into the cold and sit into his car. He closed his eyes. Tears poured down his face. For six years, he had been haunted by a scene where his young son had found his desperate mother lying in a pool of blood after trying to take her own life. Now, he had a new scene, and it was more horrifying than he could ever have imagined. It flashed, strobe-like, in his head: TJ raising his gun, pointing it at Melissa, out of control, terrified …

Taber Grace slumped back in the seat, and started the engine. He couldn’t bear the noise of his own pain. Replace the sound, replace the images. He turned on the radio and got the tail end of a commercial break. Then the lead news story was introduced, but instead of taking him away from his problems, it seemed to draw them all together and mangle them: his no-show client, his job, his wife, his son …

Most private investigators would do no more than the job they were paid to do. Taber Grace was no different. But, for the first time, the contents of the client file beside him meant a whole lot more to him than someone else’s shit.

In the command center at the Sheriff’s Office, extra desks had been brought in from other offices, making it almost impossible to move around the room.

‘These desks are breeding,’ said Ren, squeezing through them to reach Gary’s at the back. He was sitting very still with his hands resting on the keys of his laptop. Ren leaned over the chest-height partition in front of him.

‘If you ever wanted to bring the lab to a standstill, you could bag all your fears and send them in.’ She went over to her desk and brought back anti-bacterial wipes. ‘Here,’ she said. ‘Don’t be a hero.’

Gary started wiping things down.

‘Just wondering,’ said Ren, ‘how long will the CARD team be here?’

Gary shrugged. ‘Just a couple days. Why?’

‘Just wondering.’ Ren pulled away, and glanced down at her white shirt. There was a line of dirt across it from the top of the partition.

‘Ew,’ she said. She could hear her cell phone ringing on her desk.

‘Pardon me,’ she said, running over to it. It was her brother, Matt.

‘Hey, Ren, I wanted to say thank you for the gifts you sent Ethan.’

‘My pleasure,’ said Ren.

Silence.

Ren started walking toward the interview room.

‘Are you sure you can afford them?’ said Matt.

Ren stopped walking. ‘Mm … what?’

‘Just … I know that things have been a little tight … and I was wondering … don’t get me wrong-’

‘Oh, I’m not getting you wrong,’ said Ren. ‘I think I’m getting you right.’

‘Don’t be like that,’ said Matt.

‘What’s your point?’ said Ren. ‘I shop, therefore, I’m manic?’

‘Just … shopping when you can’t afford it …’ said Matt.