Alex Palmer - Blood Redemption

I know who he is because I’ve looked at his picture, all your family’s pictures. I used to look at them for hours and think, Gee, I wish they were mine. You said he really looked after you. You said he loved you. And I thought, wouldn’t that be nice. People who did that. And then I read the paper today and there he is. You never said that’s what he did. You never said he was a pig.

He is not that He told me not 2 tell any1 He said people wouldkeep on at me if I did I didn’t tell u It didn’t matter It had nothing 2 dowith u amp; me

So when you’re telling me that I should go to the police, you’re saying that because it’s good for him. He gets what he wants. And you’re doing that for him. I don’t know if it’s any good for me, but it’s good for him.

I didn’t say it because of that I am not my father U should knowthat better than anyone U are not your parents are u??? Everythingbetween us is u amp; me Nothing else Its never been anything else U

can’t say it is

I don’t believe you. You tell lies like everyone else. People tell you lies and then they laugh at you behind your back. And you’re a liar, Turtle. You lie like everyone else does. You just lie. Lie like a dog.

No

Do you know what they’re saying about me in the paper? That I’m a really cruel person. I like killing people. I like seeing blood. They had this poll — they asked people what they thought should happen to me and all these people said they thought I ought to be shot too.

Every day I think about what I did. I didn’t do it for fun. I did it because I had to. Is that what your father thinks I am?

There was a brief hesitation.

Yes he does but I told him no I said u are not like that I said hemustn’t see u like that

What difference does that make? You’ve been telling me one thing, and maybe you’ve been telling him something else as well, and all the time you’ve got some other reason for what you’re saying to both of us.

U have 2 listen I care about u I don’t talk 2 anyone else the way Italk 2 u U don’t have a choice Firewall U have nowhere 2 go That’sthe only reason I said u should go 2 the police Because if u don’t Idon’t know wots going 2 happen 2 u If u do this my dad can help u Ican make him help u

No. Where I go and what I do, that’s my choice. And if I end up dead, so what? No one’s going to care. You’re deciding things for me and you can’t do that.

Wot do u want??

Nothing that’s possible, but that doesn’t matter. I wanted to say goodbye, that’s all.

U never listen U never listen 2 anyone

I almost listened to you. But you were lying to me.

She was gone, closing down, logging out. She was floating in space, there was nothing to anchor her, only the next step, the next action.

She picked up the phone and rang Graeme. As she did, she thought that he had no power over her any more, the next action was just whatever game the two of them were playing at the time. He answered his phone almost immediately.

‘Hi, Graeme,’ she said. ‘Are you okay to talk?’

‘Lucy. Yes, I am. Where have you been? You’ve kept me waiting.

I’ve been here with Greg for hours.’

‘We’re all waiting for something. Last time I talked to you, you were waiting for the end of the world, weren’t you? How are you?’

‘I am fine, Lucy. I am very well indeed and I’m very glad to hear you are in such good spirits. I’ve got someone here you want to talk to. Just as you’ve asked.’

There was shuffling as the phone was passed over.

‘Hi, Luce.’

‘Hi there, Greg. How are you?’

‘I’m okay.’

‘Are you?’

‘Yeah, I am, Luce,’ he said. ‘It’s sort of okay at the moment.’

‘Where are you?’

‘I can’t tell you.’

‘Why not? You said it was sort of okay.’

‘Yeah. But only sort of. I’ve got to go now.’

‘No. I — ’

The preacher came back on. Lucy listened to his voice with irritation. ‘It’s time we got together,’ he said.

‘Yeah, I’ve got a car but there’s a couple of things I’ve got to do here. Tomorrow at the latest. Tomorrow night. Okay?’

‘Why do we have to wait till then?’

‘Because I have things I’ve got to do here, Graeme. And they’re important.’

‘What time?’

‘I’ll just be there, Graeme. From about ten. You can come by whenever you want to. But we’ll all be there, the three of us, won’t we?’

‘Of course. We have an arrangement then?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ she replied impatiently. ‘You want to put Greg back on again?’

‘All right,’ he replied, after a pause.

‘Before you go,’ she said, ‘like I told you, don’t ring me. I’ll call you.’

There was no need for this. She just wanted to make him dance a little.

‘As you wish,’ he said.

‘I just wanted to say we’ll see each other,’ she said, once Greg was back.

‘Yeah, we will sometime, Luce. Look — you make sure you’re okay, all right. And don’t worry about me. Because everything’s going to be all right. You just remember that. You don’t think about me any more.

You’ve just got to think about yourself,’ he replied, and then the phone went dead.

Lucy went out into the fresh air again, to a clearer if colder day than yesterday. This time she did not take her gun with her, she left it behind, pleased not to feel its pressure against her skin. The doctor had gone, ages ago probably. She stood on the edge of the slope looking down to the escarpment. The dog was not in her kennel, although the remains of some bones were scattered by her dish. No one had replaced the chain. Wherever she was, Dora was living in freedom.

Stephen appeared, coasting the old Datsun he had promised her down the driveway, parking it behind his car. He got out and walked towards her. He stopped at a short distance.

‘I got you a full tank, Luce,’ he said. ‘Do you want some money as well? I can give you a few hundred dollars if you need it.’

‘Yeah, if you could,’ she replied. ‘How’s Dad?’

‘The quack’s given him a shot so he’ll be out to it for quite a while.

Mel said she’d give you a call when he wakes up but that could be pretty late tonight. You might not be able to talk to him until tomorrow.’

‘That’s all right. I’ll just wait. I’ve got the time.’

Because this is the endpoint, this will be goodbye for ever. It was the last piece of time left to her.

She watched him walk into the house. It seemed to crowd forward to the edge of the slope, a squat red-brick dwelling. Her choice would have been to burn it, not to paint it over. When she left here this time, she would not be able to come back. She accepted this as final before she turned to walk back inside and go up to her room. It was growing late in the afternoon but perhaps it would be as much as another day before she could leave. I’m waiting for you again, Dad. It’s what I always seem to do.

Ashort time after the Firewall had stopped talking to Turtle, Louise placed a transcript of their conversation on Harrigan’s desk. He read it over and said he would keep it. Once Louise had left, he rang Susie and asked her how Toby was.

‘Tim’s with him at the moment,’ she said, ‘I’ll check.’

Eventually she was back on the line.

‘He’s okay, Paul. He is upset but he doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it.’

‘I’m coming over to see him now,’ he said.

‘No, don’t.’ She spoke quickly. ‘He said you would do that and he doesn’t want you to. I have to tell you that.’

There was a brief silence in which Harrigan did not trust himself to reply.