Phil Rickman - Midwinter of the Spirit

‘Living with a vicar, you’re bombarded with propaganda. But when you look at the situation, all the Devil represents is doing what you want, not what you’re told. Satan is just another word for personal freedom. So maybe Satanists are just people who don’t like rules.’

‘That’s a bit simplistic, isn’t it?’

‘No, it’s not.’

‘OK, what about the low-lifes who killed that crow in the church?’

‘So?’

‘Well, that’s got to be evil.’

‘OK,’ Rowenna said. ‘ One , there’s nothing to say they killed the crow. Two , it was a church nobody uses – a redundant church, right? Three , what’s the difference between that and any normal protesters who disagree with what something stands for and go in and trash the place? Suppose these are just people who are seriously pissed off at how rich the Church of England is – and how totally useless, like the House of Lords… a complete con to keep people in order.’

‘Well… maybe.’

‘There’s no maybe . That was your subconscious talking. Your inner self crying out to be free by coming out with the most outrageous thing possible in a vicarage, right?’

‘Or I just wanted to get up her nose.’

‘You’re back-pedalling. You didn’t plan what you wanted to say before it came out, so it has to be an expression of your innermost desire to be free. Listen, do it.’

‘Are you crazy?’

‘There you go again. Put up or shut up. So do it: give yourself to the Devil. You just stand up and open your arms, and you breathe, in your most seductive voice: Lord Satan, take me …’ Rowenna giggled. ‘It’s just words, so it can’t harm you… but it’s also an invitation to your inner self to throw off the shackles. I reckon if you actually said that in a church, you’d get this amazing buzz.’

‘No thanks.’

‘See’ – Rowenna pointed her knife – ‘you’re just completely indoctrinated. You will never escape.’

Jane was uncomfortable. She’d felt cool and superior when she’d first come in, but now Rowenna had turned the tables. She was a wimp again, a frightened little girl.

‘Ro,’ she said. ‘Any chance of sleeping at your place tonight? I can’t go back, can I?’

‘Sure you can go back. Take Satan with you. By which I mean, go back with your head held high, with a new attitude.’

‘It would just be one night.’

‘Oh, kitten…’ Rowenna sighed. ‘That could really be a problem. We have this diplomat from the Middle East staying with us. I’m not supposed to even tell you this, because there are a lot of people want this guy dead. It’s a security job – and we’re the safe-house, you know what I mean? Armed guys in vans parked outside all night? It’s really, really tedious.’

‘Oh.’

‘It happens to us quite often. It means that anybody wants to stay with us, they have to be vetted weeks in advance in case something crops up.’

‘What am I going to do?’

Rowenna leaned over and squeezed Jane’s wrist. ‘You know your problem? You worry too much. You still have this deeply constricted inner-self. OK, the Pod will help sort that eventually – and I mean eventually .’

‘What’s wrong with the Pod?’

‘Nothing. It’s fine as far as it goes. It’s merely a reasonable outlet for bored housewives too timid to have an affair. You must have realized that by now.’

‘I thought it was quite heavy, actually.’

Rowenna smiled sympathetically. ‘Listen, I have to go now. Go on, ask me where. You’re gonna like this.’

‘Huh?’

‘The Cathedral.’

‘I thought we were going shopping!’

‘Yeah, me too,’ Rowenna said ruefully. ‘I just forgot what day it was. I have to meet my cousin, who—’ Rowenna looked up. ‘Who’s this?’

‘Where?’

‘Guy looking at you through the window.’

‘You tried that one earlier,’ Jane said.

‘He’s not bad actually, if you’re into older men. He’s wearing black. He’s all in black. I think he’s coming in.’

‘Yeah, I know.’ Jane bit off a corner of pizza. ‘It’s fucking Satan, right?’

‘He is. He’s coming in for you .’

A draught hit the back of Jane’s ankles as the door to the street opened.

Just when Merrily was in no mood to talk to him, Huw rang.

‘How are you, lass?’

‘I’m OK.’

‘I’ve rung a few times,’ Huw said. ‘I’ve prayed, too.’

‘Thanks.’

‘What’s been the problem?’

As though they’d spoken only last night and parted amicably.

‘Rat-eyes,’ Merrily said, ‘probably.’

‘Oh aye?’ No change of tone whatsoever.

She told him calmly that she had been the subject of what seemed to be a psychic attack. She told him it had now been dealt with.

‘This was what came with you into St Cosmas?’ Huw said.

‘I believe so.’

‘And it’s dealt with?’

‘Yes.’

‘You’re clean, then?’

‘I believe I am. How about you?’

Huw left a pause, then he said, ‘About the hospital – I went in last night and I got a bollocking from an Irish nurse with a very high opinion of you. I said I shared that, naturally.’

‘And explained to her why you and Dobbs were shafting me?’

‘I assured her I would explain the situation fully to you at the earliest possible opportunity. Which is why I’m ringing. Can I meet you tonight?’

‘I don’t know,’ Merrily said. ‘I have other problems.’

‘Happen I can help.’

‘Happen I don’t want you to.’

‘Merrily…’

‘What?’

‘We have a crisis.’

‘Who’s we ?’

‘You, me, your Cathedral – the C of E.’

‘Do you want to come here?’

‘We’ll meet in your gatehouse at six. We’ll be alone then?’

‘All right,’ she said.

Lol held open the passenger door of the Astra for her. He slammed it shut and got in the other side.

Jane stared at him, coming down off her high. ‘Where are we going?’

He started the engine, put on the lights, and booted the ancient heap out into the traffic. ‘To a funeral, I’m afraid.’

‘You’re kidding.’

‘Yeah, I’m kidding. I always wear a black suit on Saturdays.’

‘Oh, Christ,’ Jane said. ‘It’s Moon, isn’t it?’

Lol turned right, towards Greyfriars Bridge. She was making a point of not asking him why he’d just swanned into the restaurant like that – looking quite smooth, for Lol. It had been cool, anyway, to play along. Cool, too, that the extreme warmth of her welcome appeared to have shocked him a little.

She grinned. ‘I frightened you, didn’t I?’

‘There’s effusive,’ Lol said, ‘and there’s effusive .’

‘Darling, as it happens I was glad to see you.’ There was no way Lol would let her spend the night in C & A’s doorway. ‘What was her face like?’

‘Whose?’

‘Rowenna’s. I couldn’t see, could I? I was busy expressing my delight at your arrival.’

‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘I can still taste the mozzarella.’

‘So how did she react?’

‘She looked surprised.’

‘Excellent,’ Jane said.

Lol crossed four lanes of traffic at the lights, foot down. He must be running late. She suspected there were aspects of Lol’s relationship with Moon she didn’t fully understand. Of course, the problem here was that if he’d taken time to come and find her, in his funeral suit, that suggested he was acting on specific instructions from the Reverend Watkins. In the end you couldn’t get away from her, could you?

‘You weren’t just passing, were you, Lol?’