Ryan Thomas - The Summer I Died

She was still screaming.

Licking at the chopped bone, he came over and put it on my head, put the fucking foot on my head so that the blood ran down into my eyes. I shook it off and it fell to the floor between Tooth and me. Then the glowing shovel and the naked man went to play doctor on my sister’s leg. That took a minute, which Tooth used to work his hand into the cuff, and then Skinny Man was back again and he had that fucking saw in his hand, the one he’d used on the mystery woman and no doubt on my sister, and he looked stoned to high hell, his eyes half closed and his thin lips content like he’d just swallowed some hot chocolate on a cold night.

He put the shovel back in the damn stove, picked up some wood from next to it and put it inside as well. Butch spotted Jamie’s foot near my own and came over and sniffed it. But Skinny Man snatched it up and took the saw and cut one of the toes off. “Savor it,” he said. The dog slowly took the toe from its master’s hand, bit into it and chewed it up, dropped a half-painted red toenail back on the ground. Skinny Man cut off another toe, and another, and left them on the sticky red floor.

Then, sweet fuck, he rolled the dice again. No intermission, the game was on again. It was a three and a two, and that equaled Tooth.

Skinny Man snarled at me-actually bared his teeth like he wanted to eat me. “What’s your deal, boy? Why are you so special?” He placed the saw on my neck and I felt the teeth bite in near my jugular. “Luck’s gotta run out soon.”

He ripped off Tooth’s shirt and sawed his nipples off with four clean slices. I went dizzy, bombarded by the dual shrieking from Tooth and my sister. And to top it off the dog stared howling, too, like we were all in some insane fuck-all butcher shop quartet.

The slabs of flesh fell on the ground near one of the severed toes, like two hamburgers next to a finger sausage. Naked, Skinny Man picked up the dice again, bounced them off my head and followed them as they rolled over to the dog dishes. “MOTHERFUCKER!” he yelled as he kicked the dishes against the wall. Butch ran up the stairs, apparently able to tell the difference between a psychotic fugue and a domestic tantrum.

He came at me again with the saw, stopped in front of me, fondled himself. “You must shit horseshoes.” I watched him rub blood all over his erect cock, up under his balls, until I almost threw up again.

He went back in the room with Jamie, zing went the blade, out came an ear, arcing through the air. Zing went the blade again, and out came two fingers, followed by a wad of blood soaked hair. And the screams, so loud, so relentless. I was in space, I was out of my mind, even though I was still kind of in the moment. Like walking down an icy hill, knowing you’re going to fall no matter what, I was just accepting it all, just going with it, like, yeah, man, cut us up, show me how bad it can be, bring it on and do your crazy dance with me. I could feel myself sliding into another world.

When he came out he flung a handful of bloody teeth-Jamie’s teeth-against the wall.

He rolled the dice a third time, and again it came up with Tooth’s numbers. It was funny, in a sick way. I began to go with it, thinking I was protected by Heaven, that maybe I did have some purpose for being here, here on earth, here in hell, here there everywhere.

He went and got his big ax once more, put it over his shoulder and undulated in front of us, a snake rising out of a basket. The ax cut through the air, a glint of chrome through a piss yellow light. The blade zinged into Tooth’s soft flesh and crunched into his hip bone, and his body fell sideways, caught on the chains.

The ax fell to the ground and chimed off some stones on the dirt floor. Tooth passed out, or died, I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t really care. Jamie kept crying.

Skinny Man tossed the ax over near the door and left, the light went off, the door locked, I shut my eyes and dreamed of my mother.

Scrape, scrape, scrape.

What the hell was that? I opened my eyes and saw a demon moving in the shadows beside me, sucking in a labored breath and choking on it. It took a moment to realize it was Tooth, awake again, and sawing at his hand. His vague shadow revealed bits and pieces of razor wire sticking out of his face. He was bent sideways at an awkward angle, like he’d been doing the YMCA dance and got stuck at C.

It became clear to me that the next time Skinny Man came down would probably be the last time; he was irate, if such an understatement could be imagined. The remaining seconds were ticking away slowly, counting down to an inevitable demise. It’s hard to describe what I felt at that moment: sheer panic, absolute fear, anger at knowing I could do nothing about it. I wanted to say goodbye to Tooth and Jamie, figuring maybe I’d find some closure in it all, that maybe it would cleanse my soul. Who knows, really; it just felt right.

“Hey, guys. .” I began. I stopped, searching for the words. If this was going to be my last time talking to them, I wanted to go out with dignity and meaning. It brought back a memory of when Jamie’s hamster died, and how she’d made us all go out into the backyard while she said a eulogy in its honor. I’d hated that damn hamster because she used to let it run around the house and it nearly tripped me down the stairs a couple times. Sometimes I would torment her by pretending to step on it until she cried and hit me. In the backyard, she’d stood there with her shoebox coffin and said, “Nibbles is going to Hamster Heaven, where all hamsters have fun and play all day and there’s lot of other hamsters for friends, and when I go to Heaven I can visit Nibbles, too.” And she cried and put the box in the ground and I was annoyed because I was missing an episode of Star Trek or something. I didn’t realize it then, but her idea of Heaven was pretty nice; for a ten-year-old, she’d put it pretty well.

Right now, I couldn’t think of a thing to say, nothing even close to being poignant. So I said, “Tooth, I’m scared. Oh, man, I’m scared and I don’t want to die. I’m so sorry for this and I know this sounds lame and stupid but, I just want you to know you were the best friend ever, and if we go to Heaven, I don’t know, I hope there’re a lot of naked women waiting for us.”

I wanted to tell Tooth that Skinny Man was right-I was a virgin-but I didn’t. Even in death I was embarrassed. Not only was I a virgin but I was also a geek, I mean a stereotypical nerd. Why had I cared so much about science fiction and comic books and horror movies? Lot of good it did me in life, and it sure didn’t give me any insight into this hell we were in.

He didn’t even look at me, just kept at his wrists.

“I guess I just want to say thanks, Tooth, for always having my back, for being cool to me when everyone else kind of ignored me. God knows you could have left me home most nights and hooked up with some girls. It means a lot to me that you didn’t.”

I was crying now, but not the frantic scared-shitless crying I’d been doing for the past-what was it? — couple days. I was crying from my heart, because I was feeling the beauty of life. I know that sounds like a crock of shit, but as I leaned there, the jingling chains supporting my tired bulk, I was able to understand why people hung posters of sunsets on their walls. Life really is amazing, and when you’re about to lose it, you finally notice that you never really took it in before. And you realize the sheer magnitude of what it involves, from your first kiss to your hundredth slice of pizza. I guess that’s why those tears drifted down my cheeks.

I also wanted to tell him I loved him, but it didn’t feel right. I can’t explain it, other than maybe it was too weak a thing to say. Plus I figured he knew in his own way. I just repeated that it had meant a lot.