Craig Russell - Lennox

‘Listen, Lennox, you’re a good customer. And a friend. But if you ever square up to a fucking copper in here again I’ll bar you for life.’

‘Point taken, Bob. That fucker McNab knows how to push my buttons. I don’t think we’ll see him in here again. You hear what he was on about?’

‘Aye. You’re right. The Three Kings wouldn’t get involved in an IPO job. This is an outside firm. Or just a bunch of youngsters acting the cunt.’

‘I don’t think so. Sounds like they had a shopping list.’ I drained my whisky and Big Bob refilled my glass without being asked.

‘On the house,’ he said. ‘You look like you need it.’

‘It’s been a long, long day.’

‘There was someone in looking for you earlier. About eight. Didn’t leave a name.’

‘What did he look like?’

‘Fuck… I don’t know…’ Big Bob rubbed his chin thoughtfully then an expression of enlightenment lit up his face. ‘He was a big ugly cunt. Really big and really ugly. Oh aye… there was something else: a big fucking razor scar. Right cheek. Like he’d been chibbed in the past.’

‘A big ugly cunt with a razor scar…’ I repeated. I thought of half of the hard men I did business with, their mothers, even some of the women I’d been with since I’d arrived here. ‘This is Glasgow, Bob,’ I said. ‘You’re going to have to be more specific.’

Big Bob laughed. ‘You wouldn’t miss him. Really, really big fucker. Bigger than me.’

‘Any message?’

‘Just that he wanted to talk to you. Business.’

I thought for a moment. ‘You said he had a scar. Not recent? He didn’t by any chance have a dressing on his cheek?’

‘Naw. This was old. Hard-looking bastard though. Oh aye, there was one thing… he was wearing a pinstripe suit. Like a businessman.’

‘Don’t they all,’ I said and sipped my whisky. Because it wasn’t the guy I’d chased all over town it didn’t mean it wasn’t one of Lillian’s associates. I had a funny feeling I’d be hearing from them soon. They hadn’t scared me off and I smelt a deal in the air.

He was waiting for me outside: the monster in a pinstripe suit. I had thought Bob’s description rather vague but on seeing him I realized that nothing could fit better than ‘a big ugly cunt with a razor scar’. He was leaning against a car, presumably his, and it wasn’t the 16HP.

I closed my hand around the sap in my pocket. I don’t frighten easily and I had been prepared to smack McNab and take the consequences, but this fucker was a whole new ball of wax. He was at least six-seven and comparisons with brick shithouses were totally inadequate: I reckoned he could have killed me just by falling on me. But it wasn’t just his build that bothered me. He had the look of a life-taker. A killer. I was glad I had my sap but wished I had had something more substantial, like my tyre iron, or my gun. Or a tank. Mind you, I reckoned that the last time he’d been in a fight he’d been probably been poleaxed by a little Jewish boy with a slingshot. He stood up from leaning on his car when he saw me and I was surprised to see he hadn’t dented the wing.

‘Mr Lennox?’ he asked in a baritone that must have rattled windows in Paisley. At least he was a polite killer.

‘Who wants to know?’ I asked, trying to work out how tall six cubits was. And a span.

‘Mr Sneddon sent me. Me and Twinkletoes is supposed to look after you. I tried to find you earlier but you wasn’t at home.’ He walked over to me and just kept getting bigger. He was an ugly son-of-a-bitch all right. It looked like he’d beaten up half the population of Glasgow using his face as a blunt instrument. He also had the scar that Bob had talked about: a long and deep crease in his cheek. I was impressed with the reach of the ambitious, and probably now deceased, Glaswegian that had put it there.

‘Please tell me you didn’t call at my digs?’ I imagined Mrs White opening the door and wondering why it hadn’t let the light in.

‘Naw… naw… I seen your car wasn’t there. Mr Sneddon told me to be discreet. I’m to let you know that we was watching your back and that if you need any help you’s just to shout like.’

I suppressed a smirk at the idea of discretion coming in a six-foot-seven, twenty-three-stone package. ‘I could have done with you today. You know anyone who drives an Austin 16HP?’

Goliath shrugged. This was impressive, given the size of his shoulders.

‘It’s just that I had a run in with someone in a 16HP. He’d been following me all day and I just assumed it was one of you guys.’

‘Naw.’

‘If you’re going to be watching my back, could you keep an eye out for it? Dark blue or black Austin 16HP.’

‘Nae problem, Mr Lennox.’

‘I’m going home now. I’ll be fine tonight.’

‘Okey dokey,’ Goliath said pleasantly in his Richter-scale baritone. ‘But I’ll follow you home. Just to make sure like.’

‘I take it you’re Semple,’ I said as I unlocked my car. ‘Mr Sneddon told me about you. What’s your first name, by the way?’

‘Everybody calls me Tiny,’ he said without a hint of irony. ‘Tiny Semple.’

There’s always a moment, when you first wake up in the morning, when you’re temporarily outside your life. Everybody gets it: that feeling of unattributable happiness or contentment or worry or despair. You lie there and think: there’s a reason I feel like this but I can’t remember what it is.

When I woke up the following morning my gut feeling lay more on the ‘different day, same shite’ side of the mood fence than ‘another day, another dollar’. Then, like comedy bricks falling on Oliver Hardy’s head, the crap of the day before fell piece by piece into my memory. I coughed my way through my first Player’s Navy Cut of the day without getting out of bed. I lay for a moment considering staying there for the rest of the day, or finding out, at long last, if that ticket to Halifax, Nova Scotia was still valid.

Against my better judgement I got up, washed and put on an expensive seersucker shirt, silk tie and my best suit. I didn’t shave but decided to go to ’Phersons and have a shave and haircut. It just felt like that kind of day: there was nothing like having your face scalded with a boiling towel to set you up for twenty-four hours of crap.

There had been a Sunbeam Talbot 90 parked outside my digs and as I passed it Twinkletoes McBride looked up from his Reader’s Digest and smiled amiably: obviously Tiny was being spelled, presumably resting up on top of a beanstalk somewhere. I got the impression Twinkletoes was grateful for the interruption: a whole page of the Reader’s Digest at one sitting would probably have given him a headache. It wasn’t just that Twinkletoes’s lips moved when he read: they moved when someone else was reading. I told him I was walking to ’Phersons for a haircut and asked if he could pick me up in half an hour.

’Pherson’s was in the West End, off Byers Road, so not far from my digs. I don’t know where the ‘Mac’ had gotten lost but no one ever talked about MacPherson’s, just ’Pherson’s. Truth was I really liked the place. A good barber’s in twentieth-century Glasgow was the equivalent of the Regency dining room after the ladies had withdrawn: a haven of maleness. I’d heard that the red-and-white barber’s pole was the symbol of the ancient barber surgeons: blood and bandages. It wasn’t. It was a big stripy dick that stated that this was a man’s realm.

’Pherson’s reeked of macassar hair oil, spiced unguents, aftershave and testosterone. Which was odd, because old man ’Pherson, a frail, birdlike man in his sixties whose hair was unnaturally black for his age — actually unnaturally black for his species — was himself as queer as a nine-bob note.