T Parker - The border Lords

"When?"

"I'll be in touch."

Ozburn hung up and dropped the cell phone to the bed. He sat at the table and set up his laptop and wrote. Dear Seliah, I MISS you terribly, like a phantom limb, like a piece of my heart. We'll be together soon in a better place and we'll begin again.

I've lost something. FAITH. The words to express faith. Everything I thought was TRUE. But you know something? I feel okay with that. I feel that I am enough and that my days here on EARTH are to be of value.

I'm so TIRED right now, body and mind.

I hunger for your touch. Sean

He took the bottle and cup outside to the small deck and sat on a plastic chair and watched the cars on the interstate. Daisy sat beside him. He felt the spasm of his throat muscles. The supplements and tequila seemed to be somewhat of a palliative but when the spasms became cramps, there was little he could do but fold to his knees and press his forehead to the ground and shudder with pain. He drank. He thought of Hood. He thought of Seliah.

Then he imagined he was looking down on himself sitting on this tiny deck beside the raging interstate in this great, dry, Southwestern desert, and he tried to account for his presence here, tried to establish a reasonable explanation for it, to see it in some perspective. But as he worked chronologically forward through his adult life he could get no further than Costa Rica and the Arenal Volcano and the resort in the trees where they had stayed. And what had he found there? Well, some cool frogs and birds. A boy and his pet monkey. Other tourists. Father Joe, who became a friend. Some nice hours with his wife. Arenal Volcano smoking and rumbling in the distance. So what was it? Why, when he looked back to that time-three months ago now, if that-was everything a strange, descending, darkening blur? Fuck if I know, he thought. I wish I did. I wish I did. He half filled the cup and drank again. The bottle was half-gone.

Suddenly he was on his back on the deck. He could see the pinpoints of stars high up above the lights, and these stars were racing back and forth across his vision and Ozburn realized his head was snapping violently side to side. He couldn't move his arms. He felt his fingers trying to dig into the deck and his boot heels thumping on it. He could hear the guttural rumble of his breathing and the crunching of his head as it rocked side to side while the stars raced back and forth in opposite sprints. Then it was over and he lay panting but more or less still. His heart pounded and his fingertips burned and his legs were rubbery but he was still at last and the stars were fixed again as they were supposed to be. His sunglasses had flown off. He lay there for a long time. He saw Daisy's head blot out the stars and felt her tongue on his cheek.

He worked his way up and got his sunglasses on and went back to his plastic chair. Daisy wriggled up close and rooted her cold wet nose under one of his hands. The tequila bottle had been knocked over but it was capped and unbroken.

Ozburn stared at the cars on the highway, blinking. They streamed in and out of his vision.

"Our what, who art in what, hallowed be thy what…"

But he couldn't finish the prayer, gutted and useless as it was. He sighed and rested his elbows on his knees and lowered his face to his hands. The only thing he could think of that was any comfort at all was to remind himself what he was doing here. What he was trying to accomplish. Because, unsure as he was of the paths and the powers that had led him to this place, he was still clear on what he needed to do.

Perform good acts and defeat evil.

He repeated this short sentence over and over until he felt his mind begin to calm and his muscles begin to relax. He went back to his laptop but he couldn't bring himself to write Seliah again.

Later he called out for a large pizza and family salad and ate it all, repeating the sentence in his mind as he ate. He finished the tequila and climbed into the shower in the darkened bathroom and washed himself with his eyes closed because the sight of water revolted him and against the revulsion he muttered the sentence again and again and again. Then he lay down on the bed and with the sentence still ringing through his head he took the long, dark fall into sleep.

Hood and Janet Bly walked into Seliah Ozburn's darkened home just after nine the next morning. She stood back to let them pass and smiled briefly at Hood, then looked down as he came by her.

They sat in the living room and Hood saw that the sun blinds were down and the curtains were pulled closed also. The air conditioner started up. Seliah sat on the couch with her laptop on the coffee table before her. She looked tan and fit as always. She wore a simple black shift and her straight platinum hair was newly trimmed. Her nails were painted red.

"I've been thinking about this since we decided to do it," she said. "I thought it would be easy but I don't know what to say to him. Maybe I'm afraid he won't want to see me. Maybe I don't want to betray him."

"It's the only way to save his life," said Bly. "We're trying to get him back alive from wherever it is he's gone. He's clearly losing his reason."

"I know. I see that."

"But he's passionate about one thing-you," said Bly. "Can you be passionate back?"

Seliah looked at Bly and nodded and lowered her hands to the keyboard. "Let me see. How about this? 'Dear Sean, let's meet in Las Vegas and hump 'til we're cross-eyed. Hugs, Sel.' "

A silent moment.

"Not bad," said Bly. "Maybe something a little more romantic."

"What do you know about romance, you dried-up cunt?"

Bly stood. "I'll get some fresh air. Call me if she stops hissing."

Seliah looked up at Hood with anger in her eyes. "You can't make me do this."

The front door slammed.

Hood sat in a chair across the coffee table from her. Seliah hugged herself against the chill from the air conditioner. Then her cheeks flushed and Hood saw the sheen of moisture appear on her forehead and shoulders. She was still glaring at him. Slowly the glare softened and she took a deep breath and let out a wavering sigh.

"I've vanished, Charlie," she said softly. "I don't know where I went."

"Sean's there."

"I don't know where he's gone, either."

"Think."

"Think what, Charlie? All I do is think about what went wrong."

"Any progress?"

"Costa Rica. That was the beginning."

"On the volcano."

"The Arenal Volcano."

"In the hotel in the jungle."

"Yeah. There. I'm so ashamed of what I said to Janet. I don't do that. I'm just not me anymore."

"Forget what you said, Seliah."

"I have thoughts I can't control."

"All of us do."

"But I have actions I can't control."

"Have you seen a doctor?"

"Flu. Stress. High blood pressure. Depression. Take your pick."

"Tell me about the volcano. Where this all started."

She closed her eyes and nodded and a small smile appeared on her lips. Her skin glowed damply and the AC fan stirred her hair. "The frogs were so loud at night you could hardly sleep. The hotel rooms were built up onto the branches of the trees. The rooms all had screens instead of windows. Like a big tree house in the jungle. There were geckos and macaws and toucans and a green boa constrictor. They got more bugs and beetles than you could believe, ones with horns and pinchers and stripes and dots. Ones that make noises, ones that smell good and ones that stink. I always liked that kind of stuff. Nature's pure weirdness. Nature's extravagance. Sean, too. Down in the lobby the hotel owner's son had a tiny baby monkey in a birdcage. Sean held it. It was about the size of a pear, eyes like silver buttons. And Sean stared at that little thing for a while and he looked up at me smiling and he said, 'Sel, can you even believe this thing? Who designed it? Whose idea was this?' And of course Sean tried to give him twenty bucks for it and I said, 'Hey handsome, come up to the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink and we'll talk about this monkey. Because I can give you something you'd like even more.' That was when it hit me. When I knew I was ready for a baby. Took me twenty-eight long years to get to that point but, well, there I was. So. I talked him out of the monkey."