Jonathan Kellerman - Guilt

“I can hope.”

“So what’s with the sudden interest in the Golden Gods?”

“You know them?”

“If I did, would I be talking about them? No, I don’t know them personally but after all these years … how can I put this-okay, let’s just say if someone told me either of them had Proust on the nightstand I’d figure it was for a drink coaster.”

“Not intellectuals.”

“ None of them are,” he said, with sudden fury. “They’re genetic freaks-bipedal show-dogs able to memorize a few lines. Sit heel stay emote. Even if they start out with some native intelligence they’re egregiously undereducated so they never know anything. I had one-obviously I won’t tell you her name-who came in to talk to one of my staff about a problem kid. But only after she was turned down by the Dog Whisperer. Why’d she go to him first? Probably to get on TV. But the reason she gave us was all animals are the same, right? It just takes the proper vibrations to make everything perfect.”

I laughed

“Sure it’s funny,” said Len, “except we’re talking about a five-year-old with enough problems to fill the DSM and Mommy wants to treat him like a pug. Anyway, no, I’m not personally intimate with either Prema or Donny but I have heard that he’s borderline IQ and she basically runs things. Now, same question: Why the curiosity?”

“Be my therapist, Len.”

“Pardon?”

“I need you to keep this in confidence.”

“Of course. Sure.”

I told him about the broken appointment two years ago, the surfacing of Premadonny’s compound in a current criminal investigation.

He said, “Oh, my. See what you mean about tight lips. And even without the whole ethical thing, no sense getting on the bad side of people like that.”

“They’re that powerful?”

“That’s the town we live in, Alex. You didn’t grow up here, right? You’re from some wholesome flyover place-Nebraska, Kansas?”

“Missouri.”

“Same difference. Well, I was born in Baja Beverly Hills, my dad was an aerospace engineer, back then the studios had their influence but it was mostly about rockets and planes, real people making real product. Not the bullshit-purveying company town it is now. So good luck.”

“He’s no genius and she runs the show.”

“Supposedly he’s close to retarded-’scuse me, developmentally disabled. And living with Stupid, she’d need to run things, no?”

“She sounds like the perfect political spouse.”

“Ha! There it is-that acid wit Alexander occasionally allows himself to indulge in. I used to dig when you did that in school. Made me feel better about my own uncharitable cognitions. I used to dig our time in school, period. Western Peds, too, Alex. They worked us like galley slaves but we knew we were doing good every day and it was exciting, right? We never knew what each day would bring.”

“That’s for sure.”

“Like the time we were trying to have lunch, I remember like it was yesterday, we’ve got our tuna salad and our coffee on our trays, are about to finally take ten minutes and you get paged and this look comes over your face and you just leave. Later, I run into you and you tell me some patient’s father brought a gun onto the onco ward, you spent an hour talking him down.”

“Good times,” I said.

“They were , man. Especially ’cause I ate your tuna.” He laughed. “Imagine that, today-shrink gets a call, handles it, finito. Nowadays there’d be a mass panic, some gross overreaction due to protocol, and someone would probably get hurt. I did some of that shit myself when I was there, Alex. Crisis interventions no one heard about because they were successful. Those were great times.”

“They were, Len.”

“But get real and move on, huh? I do love my R8. How many miles on the Caddy?”

“Lost count by the third engine.”

“Beyond loyal, we’re talking commitment. Well, good for you. And great to hear from you, friend, we need to do lunch.”

I trolled gossip sites and the links they sent me to for personal sightings of Prema Moon and/or Donny Rader.

They’d been highly visible until four, five years ago, showing up at clubs, screenings, premieres, charity events, shopping sprees. Audiences with heads of state. But the two hits I found covering the last eighteen months featured Prema only, both times in L.A.: World Affairs Council symposium on African famine, Banish Hunger luncheon where the actress received an award.

Time to give my personal conduit to Glitz-World another try. Robin was sweeping her workbench. Pads for applying French polish sat in a wastebasket. The flamenco guitar hung drying.

“Gorgeous.”

“You can test-drive it for me in a couple of days.”

“Perks of the job,” I said. “Do you still have a way of contacting paparazzi?”

“I’m sure some of my clients do.”

“Could you call one of them?”

“Looking for a lead on the staaahs ?”

I told her about the sudden drop in sightings.

“Burrowing because they’ve gotten weird?” she said. “Okay, I’ll try Zenith. He’s not so big anymore but he hangs with the biggies and his current flame’s that actress on the doctor show and she’s always good for a cleavage shot.”

Zenith Streak ne James Baxter professed ignorance of “all that bullshit” but he connected her to his publicist who punted to another rock star’s personal manager. It took three additional calls before she obtained the number of a paparazzo named Ali, whom she sweet-talked before passing the phone to me.

I introduced myself.

He said, “Hey, dog, whusup?” in a Middle Eastern accent.

“Haven’t seen much on Premadonny lately.”

His voice climbed three notes up the scale. “Whu, you know ’em?”

“No. I was just wondering why.”

“Aw, man … so why you- They pissing me off, man.”

“Why?”

“Whu you think? For not being , know muh saying?”

“No more photo ops.”

“Got to eat, dog, they the meat, dog. We don’ hassle ’em, we they friends with the lens.”

“So no idea why-”

“They used to be , man. Like a clock, we getting the call, they there smiling, waving, smiling, waving. We shooting and booting and sending. Then we spending.”

“They orchestrated everything.”

“Huh?”

“It was all prearranged.”

“Sure, man, what you think?”

“You ever get pictures of their kids?”

“Nah, just them. Pissing me off, know what a baby brings? Hot tot shot’s the mostest lot.”

“Any idea why they don’t call anymore?”

“They crazy.”

“How so?”

“They not callin, they crazy. You not there, no one care. So what, you’re like a music person’s si-nificant other?”

“Yup.”

“You know Katy?”

“Sorry, no.”

“Taylor?”

“No-”

“Adam, Justin-you know even Christina, that’s cool-how bow Bono? You know anyone, I slip you a share of what’s there.”

“Sorry-”

“You don know no one , dog?”

I chose to answer philosophically. “Not really.”

“Then we done.”

Robin said, “So they really are playing ground squirrel.” Her smile was sudden, mischievous. “Or they’ve just opted for the simple life.”

I said, “Growing their own vegetables, and raising hyperintellectual organic cattle. For the milk.”

She said, “Don’t forget hand-stitched hemp duds.”

We both laughed. I tried to put my heart into it.

Holly Ruche had phoned while I was in the studio. I called her back, figuring single-session euphoria had faded, the way it often does.