F. Paul Wilson - Quick Fixes - Tales of Repairman Jack

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Finally! All the Repairman Jack short fiction - many hard to find, one nigh impossible - collected for the first time. QUICK FIXES includes: "A Day in the Life" "The Last Rakosh" "Home Repairs" "The Long Way Home" "The Wringer" "Interlude at Duane’s" "Do-Gooder" "Piney Power" plus author introductions to each story.

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When Julio got back to the bar, the blond guy in the blazer stopped him again.

“How come they get to sit over there and we don’t?”

Julio swung on him and got in his face. He was a good head shorter than the blond guy but he was thickly muscled and had that air of barely restrained violence. It wasn’t an act. Julio was feeling mean these days.

“You ask me one more time about those tables, man, and you outta here. You hear me? You out and you never come back!”

As Julio strutted away, the blond guy turned to his companions, grinning.

“I just love this place.”

Jack turned his attention to his own customer. He extended his hand.

“I’m Jack.”

“Munir Habib.” His palm was cold and sweaty. “Are you the one who…?”

“That’s me.”

A few beats of silence, then, “I was expecting…”

“You and everybody else.” They all arrived expecting someone bigger, someone darker, someone meaner looking. “But this is the guy you get. You’ve got the down payment on you?”

Munir glanced around furtively. “Yes. It is a lot to carry around in cash.”

“It’s safe here. Keep it for now. I haven’t decided yet whether we’ll be doing business. What’s the story?”

“As I told you on the phone, my wife and son have been kidnapped and are being held hostage.”

A kidnap. One of Jack’s rules was to avoid kidnappings. They were the latest crime fad in the city these days, usually over drugs. They attracted feds and Jack had less use for Feds than he had for local cops. But this Munir guy had sworn he hadn’t called the cops. Said he was too scared by the kidnapper’s threats. Jack didn’t know if he could believe him.

“Why call me instead of the cops?”

Munir reached inside his jacket and pulled out some Polaroids. His hand trembled as he passed them over.

“This is why.”

The first showed an attractive blond woman, thirty or so, dressed in a white blouse and a dark skirt, gagged and bound to a chair in front of a blank, unpainted wall. A red plastic funnel had been inserted through the gag into her mouth. A can of Drano lay propped in her lap. Her eyes held Jack for a moment – pale blue and utterly terrified. Caution: Contains lye was block printed across the bottom of the photo.

Jack grimaced and looked at the second photo. At first he wasn’t sure what he was looking at, like one of those pictures you get when the camera accidentally goes off in your hand. A big meat cleaver took up most of the frame, but the rest was –

He repressed a gasp when he recognized the bare lower belly of a little boy, his hairless pubes, his little penis laid out on the chopping block, the cleaver next to it, ominously close.

Okay. He hadn’t called the cops.

Jack handed back the photos.

“How much do they want?”

“I don’t believe it is a ‘they.’ I think it is a ‘he.’ And he does not seem to want money. At least not yet.”

“He’s a psycho?”

“I think so. He seems to hate Arabs – all Arabs – and has picked on me.” Munir’s features suddenly constricted into a tight knot as his voice cracked. “Why me?”

Jack realized how close this guy was to tumbling over the edge. He didn’t want him to start blubbering here.

“Easy, guy,” he said softly. “Easy.”

Munir rubbed his hands over his face, and when next he looked at Jack, his features were blotchy but composed.

“Yes. I must remain calm. I must not lose control. For Barbara. And Robby.”

Jack had a nightmare flash of Gia and Vicky in the hands of some of the psychos he’d had to deal with and knew at that moment he was going to be working with Munir. The guy was okay.

“An Arab hater. One of Kahane’s old crew, maybe?”

“No. Not a Jew. At least not that I can tell. He keeps referring to a brother who was killed in the Trade Towers. I’ve told him that I’m an American citizen just like him. But he says I’m from Saudi Arabia, and Saudis brought down the Towers and an Arab’s an Arab as far as he’s concerned.”

“Start at the beginning,” Jack said. “Any hint that this was coming?”

“Nothing. Everything has been going normally.”

“How about someone from the old country.”

“I have no ‘old country.’ I’ve spent more of my life in America than in Saudi Arabia. My father was on long term assignment here with Saud Petroleum. I grew up in New York. I was in college here when he was transferred back. I spent two months in the land of my birth and realized that my homeland was here. I made my Hajj , then returned to New York. I finished school and became a citizen.”

“Still could be someone from over there behind it. I mean, your wife doesn’t look like she’s from that part of the world.”

“Barbara was born and raised in Westchester.”

“Couldn’t marrying someone like that drive one of these fundamentalists–”

“No. Absolutely not.” Munir’s face hardened. Absolute conviction steeled his voice. “An Arab would never do what this man has done to me.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

“He made me… he made me eat…” The rest of the sentence seemed to be lodged in Munir’s throat. “…pork. And made me drink alcohol with it. Pork!

Jack almost laughed. Munir was most assuredly a Moslem. But still, what was the big deal? Jack could think of things a whole lot worse he could have been forced to do.

“What’d you have to do – eat a ham on rye?”

“No. Ribs. He told me to go to a certain restaurant on Forty seventh Street last Friday at noon and buy what he called ‘a rack of baby back ribs.’ Then he wanted me to stand outside on the sidewalk to eat them and wash them down with a bottle of beer.”

“Did you?”

Munir bowed his head. “Yes.”

Jack was tempted to ask if he liked the taste but stifled the question. Some folks took this stuff very seriously. He’d never been able to fathom how otherwise intelligent people allowed their dietary habits to be controlled by something written in book hundreds or thousands of years ago by someone who didn’t have indoor plumbing. But then he didn’t understand a lot of things about a lot of people. He freely admitted that. And what they ate or didn’t eat, for whatever reasons, was the least of those mysteries.

“So you ate pork and drank a beer to save your wife and child. Nobody’s going to call out the death squads for that. Or are they?”

“He made me choose between Allah and my family,” Munir said. “Forgive me, but I chose my family.”

“I doubt if Allah or any sane person would forgive you if you hadn’t.”

“But don’t you see? He made me do it at noon on Friday.”

“So?”

“That is when I should have been in my mosque, praying. It is one of the five duties. No follower of Islam would make a fellow believer do that. He is not an Arab, I tell you. You need only listen to the tape to know that.”

“Okay. We’ll get to the tape in a minute. Munir had told Jack that he’d been using his answering machine to record the nut’s calls since yesterday. “Okay. So he’s not an Arab. What about enemies? Got any?”

“No. We lead a quiet life. I run the auditing department at Saud Petrol. I have no enemies. Not many friends to speak of. We keep very much to ourselves.”

If that was true – and Jack had learned the hard way over the years never to take what the customer said at face value – then Munir was indeed the victim of a psycho. And Jack hated dealing with psychos. They didn’t follow the rules. They tended to have their own queer logic. Anything could happen. Anything.

“All right. Let’s start at the beginning. When did you first realize something was wrong?”

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