Stuart MacBride - Birthdays for the dead

Terri smiled. Eugene likes guns, what can I say?

I couldn t take my eyes off the thing. Look: I only want to know what Dawson saw, I swear, I don t

Ed clamped his hand across my mouth, thick fingers digging into my cheeks. Eugene marched over, took my wrist from his mate and wrenched my arm down, pulling me forwards until my chest was against my knees left arm still fastened to the chair.

Ed leaned on my back, holding me in place, his other hand still clamping my jaws shut.

Bastards Struggling did nothing: Ed was too heavy.

Eugene pressed the gun into my hand, forcing my fingers around the handgrip. This little lever s the safety catch. A click. And you re good to go.

Fine I ll blow your head off you big hairy My whole arm trembled with the effort, but he wouldn t let go. He shoved the barrel of the gun over my right foot, forcing the end against my shoe.

Terri raised her arms. It s time to atone, Detective Constable Henderson.

Fuck that.

Pull the trigger.

No way in hell was I pulling the trigger.

Either the bullet goes in your foot, or it goes in your head. Your choice.

Ed s spit flecked the back of my neck. DO IT!

Eugene s spattered against my cheek.

FUCKIN DO IT!

Your time s running out, Detective Constable.

DO IT! PULL THE TRIGGER, HAGGIS!

You ve only got the gun for another eight minutes.

PULL THE FUCKIN TRIGGER!

One way or another you re taking that bullet with you.

DO IT! PULL THE TRIGGER, OR I M GONNA SHOOT YOU IN THE FUCKIN HEAD!

Not much of a choice really, is it?

Did they really think I was going to shoot myself in the foot? Like I was a bloody idiot?

Get stuffed.

Eugene shook his head. He don t believe us. Haggis here thinks we re kiddin about.

Hmm Terri picked up the grey dust sheet and draped it over Virginia s battered body again. What can we do about that, Eugene? What can we do to convince Constable Henderson?

Eugene tore the gun out of my hand, stood, aimed, and pulled the trigger. A sharp crack boomed around the room, reverberating off the stone walls. Virginia s head jerked back under the dustsheet, the fabric billowing out behind her. Red spread like a field of poppies, seeping into the dusty material.

Jesus Right there, in front of me

Thank you, Eugene, that ll do nicely. Terri took two more tens out of my wallet. But now Detective Constable Henderson needs another bullet.

He killed her, right there

Terri sighed. Oh don t look so shocked: as if I was going to let the lying bitch live after what she did to my Kenneth.

Eugene loaded the magazine, then pressed the gun back into my hand and forced the soot-streaked barrel against the top of my shoe again.

Last chance, Haggis.

Your rental time s running out, Constable Henderson.

PULL THE FUCKIN TRIGGER!

It goes in your foot, or it goes in your head.

What choice did I have?

DO IT!

I squeezed the trigger.

The harsh crack reverberated around the room, deafeningly loud.

Nothing no pain. The bastards were winding me up, using blanks. It was all a big FUCK.

Fire ripped up my leg, radiating out from my right foot like an earthquake of molten metal. AAARGH, fucking FUCK I jerked in the chair, trying to get away, but the pain was still there, following me. Screaming into Ed s huge callused hand.

Eugene took the gun from me and dropped it back in its zip-lock bag.

Fuckers

Ed let go and I grabbed the seat, my whole body rigid. FUCKING SHIT! AAAAAAAARGH! BASTARD. I slumped forwards, clutching my right foot. AAAAAAGH, BASTARDING FUCK! The hole in the top of the shoe was tiny ringed around with flecks of grey, like a dark sunburst. JESUS! The underside was wet, covered in grit from the floor. Bright red dripped through my fingers, pattering onto the dirt.

AAAAAAAAAARGH

All right, that s enough self-pity.

Self-pity? You fucking bastards! You fucking shit-eating wankers!

Now, now, Detective Constable. Terri held up my wallet again, gave me a dazzling smile. You ve got more than enough money here; would you like to buy another bullet?

NO!

I shook my head, clenched my teeth, hissed the breath in and out, in and out.

Oh dear Jesus that hurt

Would you like something for the pain?

Yes. Forcing the word out like a gallstone.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Ed, would you be so kind as to fix Constable Henderson up?

Pleasure. He grabbed my arm, held it out and twisted clockwise, so the elbow was locked, palm up. Ed dug his thumb into my skin, making a vein stand out, then pulled the safety cap off a syringe with his teeth.

I don t want

Shhh, it ll make everything all better.

No, it

The needle slid in. A small sting as he pressed the plunger.

There we go. Terri counted more money from my wallet onto the table. That should be enough to cover our heroin starter kit. Don t worry it s rat-poison free. She smiled. Now, why don t we give you a lift out of town?

Warmth sizzled through my body, radiating out from my heart. Making the walls pulse. As if the room was breathing

Terri s mouth was moving, but the words didn t make any sense, making far-off muzzy noises in the gloom.

Foot didn t hurt any more.

Right, Haggis, you got everythin? Eugene stuck his hands under my armpits and levered me out of the Range Rover. Got me upright. Let go then grabbed me again as the ground wobbled beneath my feet. Whoa there, still not got your sea legs, eh? He leaned me back against the side of a wheelie bin.

It was a lay-by, somewhere in the darkness outside Bath. Not even on the main road traffic thundered somewhere off in the distance, just audible over the hissing in my ears.

Mmm OK. Mouth wasn t working properly. Numb, like the rest of me.

Right, I m lettin go

This time I stayed upright.

Good stuff. Open your hand.

I squinted at him, but he wouldn t stay in focus. Nnnn Gnn shoot me gen.

Don t be daft. Eugene dragged my hand up then tipped two little shiny things into my palm. Bullets. He squeezed my fingers around the gleaming brass casings, then took the bullets back and dropped them into a clear plastic freezer bag. Zip-locked it shut. There you go. we get these, and you get this. He slid a plastic pencil case into my jacket pocket, then slapped me gently on the cheek. Catch you later, Haggis.

Eugene peeled off his blue nitrile gloves, disappeared behind the car and climbed back in behind the wheel.

Terri buzzed the passenger window down. She d changed out of the dress into a yellow shirt, black denim jacket, and baseball cap. Well, it s been fun, but in case you re thinking of hopping off to the nearest police station to file a grievance: please remember, yours are the only fingerprints on the gun.

I stared at her. Blinked in slow motion.

We have a dead slut with your bullet in her. And who knows where the gun will turn up next: armed robbery, dead cop, series of murdered prostitutes? A wink. You take care of that foot.

The Range Rover growled away from the lay-by, taillights glowing like the eyes of an evil cat. Shrinking. Then gone.

All alone.

All alone in the dark.

Got to get back to Bath: find the car. Go home

My right foot dragged across the tarmac. Pins-and-needles wrapped in silver duct tape, wrapped in a towel, wrapped in more duct tape, wrapped in a heavy-duty bin-bag. Step, scuff Step, scuff Step, scuff, stumble. The ground rushed up to catch me.

THUMP.

Fuck.

I lay on the road, in the dark and the cold, panting. Swearing.

Katie

Crying.

A thin frigid drizzle settled onto my face.

BASTARDS!

Deep in my pocket, my mobile rang. Took me three goes to drag it out. DR MCFRUITLOOP flickered on the screen, then disappeared. Gone to voicemail.