T. Parker - The Famous and the Dead

“I’d like to know why God won’t answer me,” said Rovanna.

“Perhaps he has.”

“I’ve prayed almost every day for my whole life. Quietly, mostly to myself, but sometimes out loud. Starting when I was a boy. Sometimes in church and sometimes just wherever I happened to be. I always prayed for a good job and a good woman and to be a good man and to do God’s will and for peace on earth and for peace in my own mind. And I haven’t heard one peep back. I don’t have any job at all now, and I’m insane, and I’m twenty-nine years old. I haven’t been with a woman in four years and before that it was three. A good man? I don’t feel that I am a good man. I served my country, honorably, in Iraq, but does this make me good? I killed men I didn’t know. I have no idea what God’s will might be, unless it’s the things that happen every day right in front of me, but when I look at those things I don’t see anything close to peace on earth. What I pray for the hardest, and maybe this is selfish, but it’s for peace in my own mind because my mind has always been a mess. Filled with voices and visions and ideas and most of them are not happy or good. But God never sent me any peace of mind. He just sent more voices and visions so far as I can tell. Now, I got this thing I want to do. It involves this gun. There are plenty of reasons to do it. It has to do with taking back the country. Our country. And I want to know if God wants me to do it or not.”

“I can assure you that God doesn’t want you to use that gun on any living thing.”

“Why won’t he tell me that himself?”

“Lonnie, the Lord doesn’t always answer directly. And he doesn’t always give us the answers we want to hear. What the Lord offers is steadfast love. This never wavers. It is constant and manifest in all the things around us, in every living thing and things not living. It is our duty on earth to listen, and to hear God. He speaks in a voice that is not always a voice we understand.”

“I’ve had terrible dreams lately.”

“Satan can send dreams as well as the Lord.”

“The Bible says, ‘To he who has much, much will be given. And to him who has little even that shall be taken away.’”

“This a statement of faith, not of material things.”

“It’s an accurate statement of the way God has treated me in this life.”

Rovanna heard the double door open behind him and he turned and looked the length of the sanctuary. A young man in a dark brown suit walked in and nodded, then sat in the back row, followed by another young man-same suit, shirt and tie, same face. Rovanna felt his heart break into a gallop and he wiped his eyes with both hands but the men remained.

“Are you alright?” asked Reverend Bagley.

“Don’t worry. I’ve seen them before.”

“Who?”

“The men in the back row. There are five of them and they are identical.”

“Are they there right now?”

“They follow me for coffee some mornings. They sit on my patio furniture in the backyard when the weather is good. They crowd into my living room when it’s cold out because I have a space heater. But you know what? They never used to come around when I had my guns. They only come out when they think I’m not armed.” Rovanna smiled conspiratorially and tapped the gun butt through his coat.

“Would you be willing to see a doctor?”

Rovanna glanced at the men in back-all five were now seated in the ultimate row. Then he turned to the minister and whispered, “I have doctors. Too many. They prescribe medicines that do nothing but cloud my mind even worse than it’s already clouded.”

“You need more help than I can give you.”

“I came here to speak to God, not you. You can go back to fixing the outlet if you want.”

“I want to pray with you, Lonnie.”

Rovanna looked at the men, then at the minister. He gestured toward the door beyond Bagley, at the back of the chancel. “Does that lead outside?”

“To the sacristy first. Then, yes, there’s a door to the courtyard and the banquet hall and classrooms. Close your eyes. Let us pray together. Our Father who art in heaven, hear the prayer of Lonnie Rovanna, and grant him the sound of your blessed voice and the comfort of your love. .”

Rovanna listened and closed his eyes and ran down a dark path between dark trees under a black sky suddenly bursting with fireworks of many colors, some huge and some very small, but all of them were flowers made of sparks. The sky writhed in color. Then the sparks fell into the shapes of faces and these began to turn slowly within the wheel of heaven and they looked down on Rovanna but he could see by their expressions that these faces were preoccupied with the cares of giants because in fact they were giants, so they could not see him and they did not know he was here. . a nd grant to Lonnie Rovanna some of the great peace only you, in your forgiveness, can give. .

Rovanna heard the Identical Men moving behind him and he stood and opened his eyes to see three of them coming up the center aisle toward him and the other two splitting off for the far sides and every one of them brandishing a gleaming orbitoclast. He leapt forward and pushed Reverend Bagley to the floor of the chancel, then dragged him by his shirt collar to the communion table and told him to stay down. He turned, unsnapping his coat and pulling the Love 32. He fired a short near-silent burst into the closest man in the center aisle, blowing his feet out from under him and landing him on his back. Rovanna heard his sharp cry and the wallop of his body hitting but no more than a muted tapping sound from his gun, followed by the twinkling bounce of the empties on the floor. The Identical Men moved fast. He found the next one over his front sight and fired three quick single shots, which sent him sprawling back into the fourth row pew, kicking a hymnal and a batch of tithe envelopes into the air. The third center-aisle man tried to stop but his shoes slipped on the worn wooden floor and he slid toward Rovanna with the orbitoclast catching the light and Rovanna put him down with a rattling ten-shot fusillade.

Rovanna looked down at the writhing Identical Man, then turned to the minister, who stared up at him wide-eyed from under the communion table. The Reverend Bagley aimed a thumb back toward the door to the sacristy. “Don’t shoot, Lonnie. I’m going for that door!”

“I have you covered!” The words were scarcely out before the minister jumped to his feet and ran through the door and slammed it behind him. Rovanna turned on the last two men. They had stopped and seemed uncertain what to do. Rovanna felt his soldier’s heart take over and was not one bit uncertain what to do, charging the man on his left, who was closest, taking him down with a short burst, then cutting through the row of pews toward the last Identical Man who had turned and fled for the exit. He had just gotten his hands onto the door bar when Rovanna cut him down. He slumped and Rovanna saw the tight pattern of.32-caliber ACP rounds left in the white door among the sloppy red halos. Silence fell and Rovanna heard nothing but the beating of his heart in his ears and the short rapid draw of his breath. Speak to me speak to me speak to me. Help us help us help us. He closed his eyes and listened to the slow deceleration of his heart and the gradual settling of his breathing, but he did not hear what he had come to hear. There was no voice from God, not even a whisper, only the silence of his great indifference, followed by the whine of a distant siren.

Hood watched the News at Eleven segment on the malicious defacement of an El Cajon Congregational church by an apparently delusional man with a machine gun.

“He walked right into the sanctuary with the gun drawn,” said Reverend Steve Bagley to the camera. “I was there doing some electrical work before going home. I asked him to put the gun away and he put it inside his coat and zipped it up. We sat and talked. We tried to pray but he claimed he saw five men enter the church, but there were no men. I crawled under the communion table when he started shooting. The gun was almost completely silent. I didn’t know what he was doing at first, until I saw the plaster and wood flying where he was aiming the gun.”